A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:He was my first boyfriend when i was age 16 and I was his first girlfriend. We knew each other from age 7 from the same primary school. We were together for about two years. I avoided him suddenly after he brought me to his home where i saw many idols which his grandmother was praying. As a young girl, it frightened me. 30 yrs later, we met again. This time round we fell very much in love after about 8 months of just meeting for lunch and work. We were both married then.My ex-husband was flinging around then and was entertaining all the time and coming home late in all the years we were married.The new love with my ex-boyfriend gave me the courage to walk out of my husband and divorced him.However though initially my boyfriend gave me indications he will leave his wife, somehow, subsequently he said he couldnt do it to his wife as she has done nothing wrong and he dont want his two girls to suffer.However he gave me the promise that he wont leave me too and will buy me an apartment and take care of me.I accepted his decision as i love him very much. However, i am also suffering. Sunday and public holidays are times when i cant be with him.In the night sometimes i cried as i will be thinking that he is sleeping with his wife.It would make sense for me to leave me. But i tried several times and i couldnt let go. The reason is because he treats me very well and loves me. He sees me everyday except sunday and public holiday. He brings me for holidays three times a year and buys me new laptop, jewellery etc. Our sex life is also great, about two to three times a week.I have decided to accept being his mistress and have tried to condition myself whenever i think that he is with the wife. But at times, somehow when i am lonely, it hurts badly. What should i do???I have three children and only one of the closer one knew about him. I told my son. He accepted it very well as he said his father have never taken care of me at all. As long as you are happy, mum, he said.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2009): Your lover doesn't value you, he has made up his mind that he will not leave his wife. You were in an unhappy marriage yet you "STEAL" from this man's wife and family.
This man has set you up like the mistress that you are....other men set up prostitutes like this as well and these women are also happy with the situation like you. Unfortunately you are greedy and want more. He has told you that his wife and kids are important to him, his wife has not wronged anyone, yet you want the ultimate betrayal of him by him leaving her. For you?? He is getting his desserts from you and his wife, what man will not think he is in heaven with this situation.
Greedy mistresses get left behind in the end. You are not content with this...if he leaves his wife and marries you, you as the mistress will create another vacancy for him.......meaning that he will take another mistress after you wed/ live together. Is this what you want? You don't want to share him with his wife but shortly you will be sharing him with someone else. That is the harsh relaity of life. You are living the life of a mistress, just enjoy it becuase he is enjoying you. Sexual gratification is what he is paying you for, so why spoil it?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2009): He was my ex-boyfriend from young, and he was the one who started wooing me again. Beginning he gave me the indication he would leave his wife. I was drifted into the relationship, maybe at that time I was vulnerable with the lack of love from my husband.I wouldnt have gone into it if not of our past relationship. He remembered every single details of our past and many times he has touched my heart. There was once I had a small accident at home and my toe nail came off with lots of blood and he happened to call me then. He wanted to bring me to the doctor but i said no. My husband just said "Hey why are you so careless" and went off for his "entertainment". My boyfriend came to my house with a bottle of medicine he bought from the pharmacy the next instance. In this comparison, how not to be touched?? It isnt esay for someone who is not in this position to understand.
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A
female
reader, nenny007  +, writes (20 March 2009):
As long as you are ok with it then nothing and no one else matters. Maybe one day when his kids are grown and gone he will come to you. But until then don't cry, he is probably thinking of you when he is lying in bed he just has to much responsibility.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2009): I can write from your bf's perspective. I am a married woman (13 years with 3 kids) and have been having an affair for the last 4 years. My husband is a good man. He is a wonderful father. He is good to me in every way. However, we lacked passion in our relationship. I was so alive and perky before we were married. I married him because I had dealt with jerks so often and he WAS such a GOOD person and I knew that he would never do me wrong. And he hasn't. He would be considered the "ideal" husband with one exception (total lack of passion). I thought I was content. Until I innocently met a man that made me feel attractive and sexy. He was consumed by me. And I found myself craving his attention. I had everything at home but this. I have continued seeing this man. I was upfront with him. I have never trash-talked my husband - in fact I have praised him. I made my lover aware from the beginning that I would never divorce. I would never hurt my husband, nor my kids by getting a divorce. I am selfish. My lover is a single man, never married and has no kids. He wants to marry me. I say no, yet he stays. I am being selfish because I know that I am keeping him from having a woman he can come home too. I will never give him children because I will not leave my husband. Why won't I leave my husband? He is so incredibly good, he does not deserve to find out what I am doing. It would crush him. And he has done NOTHING wrong. I am the one who is wrong. And yes, I would be thought of as a horrible person - which I am, but nobody but my lover knows. I do not want to hurt my children. They feel safe and secure and I couldn't bare to hurt them. They would hate me for the rest of their lives for hurting the father they love so much and disrupting their "idealistic" childhood. I do love my lover, but I love my children more. I love my lover, but (ironically enough) I respect my husband (although I know my actions don't say that). My ideal world: to have the "Leave it to Beaver" front with my family and still be able to entertain the secret passion outside of my marriage that makes me feel so alive. However, in doing this I am hurting my lover. I cannot spend the holidays with him, nor go on trips or vacations. Although I am just hiding my secret from the public, he feels as though I am embarrassed to be seen with him (even by others who don't know). He feels like a "second-class" citizen. He's insecure that I am having sex with my husband which is RARE RARE RARE (I just force myself through it). I am hurting him. I know this, but I am selfish. I love him, I do. But not enough. I would be tormented if he left me, but I would deserve it. I would think about him everyday and would still want him. I would not go to someone else. I would hope that he still secretly wanted me. I would be devastated. But not enough to leave my family. And you know what? If my husband, were to ever find out - he wouldn't leave me. He would think that it was all his fault that I had strayed. He would try to fix it. Neither of them deserve the bitch that I am.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2009): So what you're saying is you knowingly became involved with a married man because you were dissatisfied with your own marriage. However, you lacked the courage to leave your own husband until you had a replacement lined up. But the man who inspired you to divorce will not now leave his his wife and family because it seems the cheater does love his family but clearly still wants to have an illicit relationship, too. And you're willing to remain the other woman because you "love him so much." The whole thing sounds like a really bad soap opera -- and you sound as if your reality check has bounced.
You know he IS married. You know you are an interloper in their union. You apparently didn't like it when your spouse was "off flinging" so why would you do that to another woman? And why on earth would any secure woman want a cheater anyhow? A cheater by definition is a loser.
What's more, that the money with which your bf will be paying for your apartment belongs not just to him but also to her. So what do you think that says about your apartment? And when she finds out where her money is going, do you honestly think she's going to say "Oh, sure, my kids and I will do without just so the other women and her brats can have"? Fat chance. She's going to take her turd to court, and the next thing you know, she'll be collecting a fat alimony check that will leave him destitute.
And you think he's going to stay with you then? Married men playing games don't do that. Instead, they crawl on their bellies to the wife, promise they won't cheat again, and beg forgiveness. Sometimes they're sincere, sometimes they're not -- but it leaves you out in the cold. So the long and the short of it is you may have his prick but she has his balls. Now there's a man worthy of respect, huh?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2009): Don't be a mistress. It's not worth it.
There are numerous articles proving this is A Bad Thing.
Find a decent man who will look after you, and don't settle for someone like him who has no morals or moral sense.
Poetic justice may prevail in the end - his wife may cheat on him, if she finds out.
Make the sensible choice and get out.
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