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female
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anonymous
writes: About a month ago I started seeing a guy at work, he's 14 years older than me and married with 2 kids. I've fallen in love with him and he's in love with me, the problem is he keeps telling me he wants me to wait for him for 16 years until his kids are old enough to understand and then he'll leave his wife. I wouldnt let him leave his wife while his kids are still so young as I know how much they mean to him. I tried to end things with him as I know its wrong to be with him but he got so upset that I couldnt go through with it... I know that waiting for 16 years is completely ridiculous but I don't know how to get out of this without making work a complete nightmare. What should I do?
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female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (28 December 2005):
I suppose it all comes down to, are you willing to wait around 16 years? Part of me thinks that you aren't but the other part gets the idea that you really want him so you think you should wait. Is that corect?
I think that, if you are going to wait '16 years', then you should atleast be able to date other guys, I mean if hes geting some from his wife, you should be able to get soemthing.
I hope you think it through properly, the whole waiting 16 years thing, as it will be very frustrating. I think you need to sit down and tlak to him about what will happen in those 16 years. Find out will you 2 have any contact? fi so how far will you go? will you both just behave like friends or more? will you be bale to see other people?
Its just, I know right now in the moment it feels likes hes perfect for you, and he could be, but people grow and change, 16 years later down the track it might not be right for you 2 to be together. So don't you think that you will be very bitter and angry if yo uwait that long to then find out its just not for the best? Thats why I think you have to really be serious about this, yet should still be allowed to see other people, and then in 16 years time, see where you are both in your life and if you both stil lwant to go ahead with the relationship, then go for it!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2005): Tell him to wait for you for 16 years, meanwhile you play the field with lots of other single guys so you can be sure he's worth it. my guess... he won't be After all he is not honest with his wife ( I am presuming she doesn't know about you ) so he is probably not honest with anyone if it is to his advantage. And as for asking you to wait... well can he take it if you ask him to wait. Stop or don't start sexual relations with him until he is available. At least he is being honest about his unavailability, you could thank him for that but I'm sure you deserve better than to be another woman or a bit on the side.
I have to admit I am a wife rather than a mistress and yes my man was unfaithful and dishonest and yes I am still with him and it is Ok and even good sometimes but if I had hindsight and my time again I would avoid the pain of a dishonest partner.
As far as work goes if you really like it there stay, be as honest and kind as you can and it will probably be ok after a time. If it is not such a great job look for another one and stick to available men, much simpler for everyone.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2005):
I like the guy already.. at least he didnt string you along by telling you that he was just waitting for the divorce to come through.
As for what you should do? Go examine your thought process and motovation and see how you ever got yourself into this in the first place.
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