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female
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*ick
writes: I met a guy several months ago and he is married. Recently we started seeing each other as a bit of fun. Neither of use expected it but we ended up falling for each other.He said that he would leave his wife to be with me but when it came to it he said that he didn't have the heart to leave her but he still loves me. We are still seeing each other regardless of the fact that he is still with his wife.I really love him and he says that he wants to be with me but he is not strong enough to leave her. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2005): i was in a relationship with a married man for almost three years. he made many promises, the best being to leave his wife. when the time came though, he backed out, saying that she was very ill, blaah blah, and he didnt want her to suffer and die. He wanted to leave her in her diabetic coma, so she would die, just for me. I realised he was a horrible coward, and i walked away. It hurts very much, but see your lover for what he is a cheat, hell cheat on you too, and a coward. He wont leave her. Move on with your life now, or you will wait forever.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2005): I am in the same situation and I am the one getting hurt. Believe me, his wife knows about you. She is safe and comfortable in that relationship...he comes home everynight, gives her anything she wants, new car, new home, money...you get gifts, dinner, maybe an evening if he can lie well enough. Should we leave them. Yes, probably. Will we, probably not. We are our own worst enemies. She will forgive him (again and again) and they will go on and on. Hopefully, for both of us, they will move out of state so that we can begin to exist again. Removing him by real distance is our only hope.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2005): this man says he loves you, but if that were true he wouldnt worry about hurting his wife. he is playing you for a fool. he wants his cake and to eat it too. the happy home life with his wife and the fun sex and no commitment with you, what man would give up the best of two worlds. get over him he isnt going anywhere. you are the only one who is going to hurt in the end.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2005): He isn't going to leave her. If he really loved you or her, he wouldn't be having sex with you both. Sorry to put it so bluntly. His wife should know what a cheating piece of scum he is and you need to find someone worth dating. You know, someone who wants only you.
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female
reader, siren +, writes (15 September 2005):
to tell you the truth he may never leave as he may have done this before with other woman and of course like any man is now having his cake and eating it as it were
you never really knpow what goes on with the marriage it may well be happy it may not but that is a real part of his life you will never really know the truth about i would end it and get out as you will get hurt he may well leave his wife but are there kids involved in this it is nothing but heartache in this situation
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2005): lets not forget that there are two people involved in this and yes although its not right that hes married and seeing you he is also at fault.he must be quite unhappy within his marriage to see you and not be able to let you go,but what worries me is why wont he leave her and if he cant leave her why doesnt he leave you?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2005): I think you are right. He has no intention of leaving her. Wishful thinking on your part rather than a realistic appraisal of your relationship is dragging you down, hun. It appears that you have become painfully aware of your lover's persevering attachment to his marriage (despite his feelings for you). You either accept this, swallow your pride and continue being the "other woman" or you leave this relationship. There is a possibility that your married lover may eventually leave his wife but relationships have a momentum of their own and once they stall, they tend to stall permanently. It's a known fact, that if someone who's having an affair doesn't leave their spouse within six months of the affair's start, they probably won't leave and he'll settle into the new situation of living with spouse and seeing his lover separately. And as the years pass, it's more and more unlikely that they will ever be motivated to change their marital status. Thus are the hazards of falling in love with married men..a hard lesson to learn.
You could try being honest with your lover, explaining to him that you are beginning to need resolution and that while you are not threatening him, if you don't start to see evidence of his commitment, you will naturally start to lose yours. Watch his reaction carefully. If he makes promises, but in the end reverts to his former behaviour, then you are backing a genuine loser.
My suggestion is: try to gather the strength to walk away and never look back. You will mourn, grieve and be sad but you will eventually get your self-respect and pride back. It will be hard won but worth it. Good luck
Hugs,
Irish
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2005): I really feel that the answere by a previous reader was a bit harsh and I believe that this person may be a lot of things but a slut isnt one of em! If kids were involved you would have said and I believe that this bloke will realise in time that he can't live without you and come running to you!Hang in there babe! and the person who called this poor lass who wanted advise not slaggin off get your self a fella then you might not feel so bitter! XXXXXXXXX
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2005): Why are you being a damn homebreaker? Would you want someone messing around with your husband? I think not. Your post made me very angry, I couldn't even read the whole thing without posting because it made me so mad. They are married. Leave them alone. If he doesn't like her and doesn't want to be with her then he can divorce her and THEN you can see him. But, please, stop trying to break up a happy home. He already belongs to someone, don't you get that? Find someone else who isn't taken, slut.
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female
reader, karma +, writes (14 September 2005):
first of all you can never be sure he isnt just using you for the thrill,him may never leave his wife and even if you love him are you willing to put your chance of being with someone who only wants you as a bit on the side. 9 times outta ten they end up with the wife and if there are children involved that is his place really he doesnt deserve to have either of ye never mind both
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female
reader, LEXI8580 +, writes (14 September 2005):
Its not really an ideal situation to be in but things do happen and you can't help who you fall for, but it sounds like to me that this is just an excuse to leave his wife, i'm not doubting that he has feelings for you but I think deep down his heart is at home and you really need to think about whether you can carry on sharing this man, because while your waiting for him your stopping yourself meeting someone special that you don't have to share.
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female
reader, lildeesbg  +, writes (14 September 2005):
 First off, why are you with a married man? Once you hear a man is married that should be your sign to walk away. Not to make you feel bad but your breaking up a family, especially if there are kids involved. Regardless, how many times he has said he hates her or how terrible she is, point is, he wont leave her. You have to ask yourself why? I wouldnt stay with someone I didnt like, would you? Obviously he is conflicted about what to do. Should he have his cake and eat too ( meaning having both of you) or choose between you or her.
There are so many fish in the sea, why settle for someone who is not and should not be in the sea ??
dee
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