A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone I've been reading articles but none seem to match my situation.Recently I have been seeing a ex who is married (I am also married) we fell out and I ended our affair and went no contact.I didn't think I mattered to him or that he cared about me but 1 week into no contact he is calling and texting me constantly about how he wants me and needs me and wants to meet me even if its just for 10 minutes he says he just wants to talk.Now I'm not sure what I should do. My head tells me to carry on no contact but my heart is desperate for this man to be in my life
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (28 September 2011):
 I think your bigger problem is that you have had an affair and cheated on your husband - you have broken your marriage vows and this is a very serious matter, never mind whether you should speak to your ex or not!
Clearly there are problems in your marriage and these need to be addressed, you will just be consumed with thoughts of your ex as a way of bypassing your problems with your husband. Often affairs happen because the cheater is afraid to deal with the problems in their relationship so the affair is an escape from the relationship and a way to avoid actually confronting their problems head on.
You do not need your ex, you dont love him.....an ex is an ex for a reason. As I said, you are only desperate for him to be in your life because of the problems in your marriage, the ex is just filling the gap that your husband is unable to fill for whatever reason.
I hope for your husband's sake you wake up and realise the severity of what you have done, and then take steps to either fix the marriage or leave - your husband doesnt deserve this. Regardless of what he has or hasnt done, no-one deserves to be cheated on by the woman who vowed to be faithful and love you for the rest of your life. So you need to stop your silly obsession with your ex and take a good look at yourself and your marriage - where did it go wrong, what needs to change, and do you still want to be with him?
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2011): I am sad for your husband and the ex's wife.
They don't seem to matter at all to either of you. I say break it off with this man and then determine if you should remain married. I don't think it's very fair to be desperate for someone else and not be honest or stay married.
If you want to stay with your husband then you need to stay no-contact and work on your marriage.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 September 2011):
 Where does your husband stand in all of this? To be honest with you, after having an affair with this man well it is not possible to try and stay platonic friends with him now. You have a big life changing decision to make. If you are both meant to be together well then you both need to leave your spouses and give your relationship another go. If you don't think you can leave your husband or you feel he wont leave his wife, well then break off all contact and concentrate on getting your marriage back to where it used to be.
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