A
female
age
41-50,
*nappeciatied
writes:My best friend and I have been inseperable for the last 13 years. He has just recently gotten married. since then I have distanced myself, do to the fact that all women are not as comfortable with their other half having a female for a best friend. We both just recently moved to the same state, 20 minutes away from each other (which is the first time we have been geographically this close in the last 8 years). He just recently admitted his love for me and that he wants to leave his new wife. I am shocked! He says that marrying her was a big mistake. I do not have those type of feelings for him. What do I do? And how can I save my friendship also?
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female
reader, unappeciatied +, writes (31 March 2010):
unappeciatied is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank all of you for your feedback. I really cherish the friendship that him in I have , however I am in no way attracted to him nor would I ever chance my friendship for intimacy. He is a great guy, a great father and his family is beautiful. Thats doesn't mean I want to be with him. I have not spoken to him in a couple of days and he keeps leaving messages. i just really dont want to bail on him with his emotional issues, but I cannot entertain it either. i think that he is happy in his marrage , but he can relax around me. A shift of emotions while anxious may be the cause of all this.I hope this is just a phase and things can go back the way they used to be. I think that I just need to allow him space.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (29 March 2010):
Pull right away from him. First of all, he's married. Secondly, if he's willing to leave his wife so soon, he's a terrible bet as a man anyway. thirdly, you don't love him. I don't think there's any way of saving this without it going wrong. Pull right away from him.
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A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (29 March 2010):
 It sounds like he got married too soon, but bear this in mind, If he cheats on his wife he will certainly cheat on you.
Just tell him you want to be friends but dont want a relationship with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2010): You can't do much to save your friendship, that depends on him cooling his feelings for you. If he can not get over you, then the friendship is not going to be purely friendship, because he will always pursue more. Tell him you absolutely do not have these feelings for him. I also suspect that if he only recently got married, he is freaked out about his new state of life, and somehow projects these feelings into feelings of "love" for you. Of course he loves you, you are his friend, and he is comfortable with you. This new desire to be with you though, I fear comes out of him being terrified of his marriage and what he has gotten himself into. Not that his marriage is bad, but its a huge transition, and he does not know how to cope with it. Suddenly you are close, and he associates you with happy emotions, thereby fooling himself into thinking he is in love.
I mean come on, you've known him for how long? And he needed to get married before realizing his "true" feelings for you? I think not.
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