A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am married for more than 1 and a half yr, and as the days are passing i am missing my ex more everyday... I cry hours just remembering his cute gestures of care. he was a very loving man... now you must be thinking why the hell I am not with him then!!! it was so happened that when we met he was 20.5 and he was 19 and he was very immature, he became very possessive and relationship turned into an abusive one... but all his anger and frustration was in the fear of losing me and not being able to meet me. I should have given some time to him to grow in thoughts otherwise he was an angel who took care of me in all respects. then I met this man (my husband) online who already had been in relationships with many and always comapred me with other girls that how others were better than me in their professional life. I am a girl who has always been good at studies but not fortunate enough to get a job in the country i am living with my husband. he is doing well in job and there is no financial crisis but he still compares me with other people's wives and every other day brings this topic. My husband rarely talks to me. I always try to be agood wife. cooks food for him three times a day, do laundry, cleans the house, iron his clothes. all the household chores are my responsibility. he doesnt even bother to keep his breakfast plate back into the sink. He is always literally always so busy with his work that he never cares what i am doing. if i ever try and start a conversation, he just ignores me. his schedule: he wakes up at around 6 am. immediately checks his blackberry doesnt even bothers to even look at me and directy goes to his office room. he takes conference calls from there. then at 8 i serve the breakfast in his office room only even then he has got no time even look at me once or say a word. he eats the breakfast leaves the plate there. then get ready for office, i pack his lunch and just before leaving he tell me. ok i am going, see you in the eveing and leaves the house sometime gives me a kiss or hug before he left the house. he never never calls me a single time from his office, whatever happens to me, even if i am not feeling well or whatever. he would never call and if i call he wouldnt attend since he is always busy. he returns at around 5-7 and then immediately sticks to TV till we fineshes our dinner and then while watching TV he checks his blackberry in between but has no time to talk to me or listen what i am trying to tell... there are so many things i sometimes want to share with him, but he is never available. then i go to the bed between 11-1 pm and he comes after me after finishing his work after dinner he again goes to his office room and remains there untill he is all dead and cant keep himself awake a minute longer.... whhat should i do in such a situation. I really miss a fren
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2011): If he can afford a blackberry, he can get a servant too.
You said you pick up his plate as he leaves it there. Stop that. He knows he has the upper hand and you'll do everything for him. Just don't work so much.
Its absolutely normal that you miss your ex at this time of your life. As he is caring. You miss him because he was concerned about you. You want someone who is concerned about you the way you are for your husband. Everyone wants to be loved.
You should talk to your husband about this. Tell him your not happy as it is one sided.
Your married for 1 and a half year and there is a big space between you both. That is not healthy as you have to spend the rest of your life with him.
He compares you to other men?
Compare him with other men.
Comparing you to other women is not at all okay.
You should talk to him and see what he says. If he behaves the same way, that means he's taking your advantage. And its best to leave him as he shows no concern for you and even at night instead of spending time with you he goes to his office room.
Every person should to spend time with their partner. He fails to do that.
I don't think its good to be with him.
Take care.
A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (23 June 2011):
 Hi,
I am sorry to hear that you're not happy.
I am surprise that your husband is so cold with you, I mean you've been married for only a year and a half? Shouldn't this be the honeymoon stage? This is a beginning of your lives together as a couple. Your first new home together? New everything...its hard to understand your husband behavior?
Was he sweet, romantic, caring while you were dating him?
Did he change after marriage or was he always an old school guy?
You mentioned that he compares you to his exes and other women and I am sure you hate it and honestly its really rude and unfair of him doing so. But, you are also comparing him to your ex?
Important question:
You knew him, so you married him? If he was always this way, then you shouldn't be surprise. There are people raised in certain ways, they think the man make money, woman take care of home and they don't talk and this is how they live life. To them this is normal. But we both know that this is a very old way to live. Now days, men are more like a partner than the provider.
But, if he was normal while dating, and suddenly after marriage he changed, then I think you should let him know how you feel. You are unhappy and things will not change unless you do something about it.
2 choices:
1) Live this way, accept his ways and don't complain
2) Have a honest talk, tell him how you feel, and the things you would like to change and see if he understands you and is willing to work the marriage?
Its your life and its up to you how you want to live your life. Whatever you decide, is good that you don't have a child together.
Think about it seriously, before you bring a child to the world. Its never too late to be happy...
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (23 June 2011):
your marriage does sound like it's not meeting your needs, but dont' let this cloud your memory of your ex. These are separate issues. There's a reason you broke up with your ex- because he was abusive.
Partners who are abusive tend to be controlling. and when they're being controlling they are definitely putting all their attention on you (just not in a good way)....And right now, the marriage you're in is the exact opposite which is that your husband ignores you. And maybe you're feeling so deprived of attention and feeling so invisible that your mind is distorting your memory of your ex and re-interpreting his controlling-ness as the attention you now crave.
But remember again that there was a reason you broke up, and that's because he was abusive. Just because your marriage isn't working out, doesn't mean that your previous relationship was better.
that doesn't mean you should stay with your husband either. If he stonewalls you and refuses to communicate, and treats your disrespectfully (like making unfavorable comparisons between you and other women), I don't think this relationship can improve through your efforts alone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2011): I have the same problem as I do so I think guys are always like that no time to appreciate what we do for them and only notice us whenever we do something wrong. Sometimes I think instead of complaining I'd rather be quiet and wait until they notice that there is something wrong but of the time men don't get it. They usually don't want to talk and just want to get busy with work.... As women to keep the relationship going we should understand them more and be patient. As for you missing you ex bf I don't think it's fair enough to your husband. No matter what happen cheating wouldn't be a solution to what we feel. Let's be more positive and diverts things that would make us happy....
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