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anonymous
writes: I have been married for only 1 and a half years and already the relationship lacks any sense or romance or love and our sex life is all but faded memory. When I was out the other night, I bumped into an ex boyfriend who was and probably still is the love of my life. We ended up having a chat about old times and he told me I had never looked more beautiful and I felt the old connection there again. Now do I try to get my old boyfriend back, who left me for another woman (though they have since split and he says how much he regrets that), or do I stay and try and work things out with a husband I am not sure I even love any more?
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female
reader, Val75  +, writes (20 April 2010):
Welcome to married life! Marriage is way more than the thrill of the chase, the butterflies are now gone and you are left thinking" is THAT it?" Well NO, it's not! That's the good news. Marriage takes work, that is reality. Ask yourself, what am I doing to set the romance and sensuality that I long for. This is 50% YOUR responsibility. By all means, do not blame your husband alone for this issue. There is a deeper love that is found once the thrill is gone, deeper bonding and just the fact that he is there with you is love. Love is not the temporary feeling of being wanted or chased or desired. Love is having someone who stays with you even after they know who you really are and still want to be with you. Your emotions for your ex are not reality. Reality is, your ex left you when he had you, he didn't appreciate you and didn't care about how that would even hurt you! Your husband doesn't deserve the same treatment done back to him. Make your marriage work, put effort into it. Talk to your husband and tell him your needs and how you feel. Give and give until you have no more to give. That is love.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2006): You're suffering from a clear case of THE GRASS IS GREENER... The whole "unavailable" thing is massively attractive but its just really diverting your attention from the fact that you're not happy at home.
Have a night "off" by yourself and remember all the things that you liked about your husband in the first place. Then make yourself attractive like you did back then, flirt a lot - he will ignore this at first nd you'll feel rejected but keep going & he will start to smile to himself & think about you even if he doesnt show you this at first.
Send him text messages on his mobile phone at random imes during his work day, telling him you're thinking of him (or naughty ones if you're feeling brave).
Ive JUST been dumped by my girlfriend of 5 years so I'm sat in our house like a loser, trawling the internet for ideas, but I can sure as hell spot trouble brewing in your description as Ive just had the less desirable of the two endings.
Force yourself to make a big fuss of him & KEEP MAKING A FUSS until he starts to enjoy the fact that you find him fun & great company. Us men need lots of stimulation and there's nothing better than flirting.
Best of luck to you.
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A
reader, littlegiraffe +, writes (14 April 2005):
I think that before you embark on trying to get back with your ex, you ought to remember why he is your ex. Talk to your husband as there are two of you in the marriage and it is only fair. Your ex seems like the answer because you are bored, but it's not always a good idea to go back. If it is truly over with your husband then you will be free to pursue your ex. Yyou need to be honest with your husband first, and remember why you choose him. Good luck and I hope you are happy in the end
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