| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: I need some adviceI have been married over 15 years, but in that time my hubby has had 3 affairs. The first when I was pregnant with our first child. Then again about 3 years ago whilst he was on a break from a 6 year affair. I now realise that the only reason I took him back was because of the children and I am scared of being on my own. I love him, but only as a friend and father of my children. Just after Christmas it got bad again as I didn’t want to make love (the root of our problems) and he moved out and again I wanted him back and again (now I realise) for the sake of the children and I agreed to try swinging as it is something he always wanted to do and maybe try an open marriage.To make things worse, there is a guy online who I have known for 7 years. He has also had problems with his marriage and over the years we have spent time talking to each other and pulling each other through our various problems.About 18 months ago I lost contact as he was trying to get back with his second wife Then about a month ago we made contact again and he told me he was no longer with his wife. I told him that I now had an open marriage (but didn’t tell him I was separated) and that my family was really important. Also we used to cyber and started doing it again and sending each other very explicit videos and piccies. Anyway last week we finally met. He did tell me that he had applied to a dating agency and had talked to and met a woman. Anyway we met and talked for a while and then went to his car where we had some very very heavy petting and I really felt his kisses and touches were passionate.Trouble is since then I know that I want more of him, but he tells me now that he is now involved with this other women, who he has a lot in common with and wants to give it a go and this has made me so confused. I sent him an e-mail about how I felt about him and the next day we talked on the phone. He said at one stage he had thought about having a relationship with me, but because I kept telling him how important my family was he didn’t take it any further. I could kick myself that I didn’t tell him earlier about the true state of my marriage and I don’t understand how he can say that he has lots in common with this new woman. We had 7 years of an online relationship and we always said it was very special and that no one would ever understand how 2 people could have such a friendship. What more could we have in common. We talked about everything and we helped each other through hell and I feel like I have been kicked in the teeth. Trouble is I still want this guy and I don’t know what the hell I should do.I can honestly say it is tearing me up inside. I don’t want to loose contact with him.I know my marriage is coming to an end it ended years ago I just have no had the courage to do anything about it, but now I feel like I would rather have my hubby here as I don’t want to go through the hell of having to hurt my children on top of ending a marriage as well as feeling hurt, bewildered and torn apart by this guy (who still wants to keep our friendship alive)Please help me – I feel so desperate
View related questions:
a break, affair, christmas, moved out, swinging Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2006): I understand exactly what you are going through, but what has happened here is that your friend decided he could not wait for you any longer and forged ahead. You have to respect him and let him go to be with this other woman. You have to understand that you do not have an official claim on him and he is not obligated to be with you. It is also time for you to move on as well. Go talk to a lawyer and find out what your legal options are. Your marriage is dead. It is not healthy for you to stay in this relationship. Don't be afraid to be alone because it sounds like you need some time by yourself to figure out what you want to do with your life. -J
|
