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female
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*aveEarWillListen
writes: Hi, this question isn't going to be quite what it sounds like at first so be sure to read everything!I'm 26 and I feel as though I've been in enough relationships to understand how they work and what helps to make them work.I've been with my boyfriend for about 2 years, and we're in a very serious relationship. We've talked about dates for a wedding and looked at rings but don't have any definite plans. I love him very much and we've been through and lot of major things together.My issue is that he has a childhood best friend who I am very strongly attracted to on a lot of levels. Until recently, I was certain it was just a simple childish crush and that it would just go away. However, not only has it not gone away, but it's stronger than ever and I've seen indications that the best friend is attracted to me as well.I am not considering pursuing a relationship with the best friend as I know we would be completely uncompatable for reasons that have nothing to do with his or my relationship to my boyfriend, even though the fact that is my boyfriend's best friend is enough to nix any chance of anything happening.I need to find a way to stop this attraction. I don't see him often as we live in different cities, and I always think I won't feel the attraction the next time I see him. I've known him now for 3 1/2 years and am always as attracted to him every time I see him, if not more, as the time before.
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reader, HaveEarWillListen +, writes (17 October 2006):
HaveEarWillListen is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI met my boyfriend about 4 years ago. We were friends for a while and then dated briefly. I met his best friend while we were dating. We broke up for about 9 months and then started seeing each other again two years ago and have been together since.
My boyfriend tells me all kinds of stories about his best friend, both from when they were growing up and even now and part of what makes this situation hard for me to understand is the fact that I am usually not at all attracted to the kind of guy he is. In situations like this I usually am initially attracted and once I get to know them and know that they just aren't what I know I want, I'm not attracted to them anymore.
I keep expecting that to happen in this case and it doesn't and I really don't understand it. I do know that my boyfriend and I have started talking about moving back to the city where his best friend lives, which means I would see him a lot. That's why I really need to figure out what, if anything, I can do to stop being so naturally drawn to this guy.
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female
reader, camille  +, writes (17 October 2006):
 Maybe the fact you don't see each other often is what perpetuates the crush? Not that I'm suggesting you spend more time with him! I'm confused though, you've been with your boyfriend for 2 years and yet known his friend for 3.5 years? That doesn't make sense. Did you know his friend first?
You sound like you're rational so you've got to focus on those reasons you say there are that mean it wouldn't work out. Wriote a list if you must of the pros and cons. I bet there's only one pro and many cons.
If you're both attracted to each other you must make sure that you're never alone or given opportunity for anything to happen, that would be disastrous. Maybe what you should is the next time his name is mentioned, ask your boyfriend to spill the beans of any stories about his friend. Hopefully one will put you off him, you never know!
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