A
male
age
51-59,
*onelyleo71
writes:Hi new person here.I am a 39 yr old male and at the point of desperation. My marriage ended two years ago. I found out my wife had been cheating on me (again, we had that issue before and thought it was resolved). She did not want to work things out. She felt that she did to much damage and wanted something new. Well she is in a relationship at the moment. But me...no. I have been trying for awhile but no doing so well.I dated someone off and on but that did not work out. Problem I am facing...I miss my wife and still love her. I am totally lost and can't seem to focus anymore. We had talked about this since she heard that I was not doing so well and told me to move on, it is over.I am at a loss. I try to go out with friends, change things up but I can't get her off my mind. I am heading back to counseling next week, hopefully they can guide me back on the road to recovery. Just wanted to share this issue, anyone who have been through the same thing, input would be great.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2011): You might want to read this book. It will help you understand that the affair is almost always NOT about the partner that is left, but about the partner that does the leaving.http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Past-Affair-Program-Together/dp/157230801XIt takes at least a couple of years to get past this. But, if you really love someone, and invested in them emotionally, it can take a lot longer to really be able to take that chance again.Do like others suggested, do activities and things that don't cost you any money, but expose you to other like minded people.Do these activities as much as possible WITH your kids. Keep telling them that they are OK and that they are not an issue and that you are there for them, now and always, and don't let them forget. When they are teens they will think you are just a freakin nut-job, but that is practically what all teens think about their parents. Yet, if you work to stay close with them, then they will be much better in the long run.Now, married women in your age group, as well as those older and younger, are a bunch to be wary of. Several times I've had married women interested in me, when I was single as well as after I got married. They are not good fun. Don't forget that. No matter how hot the woman is, don't do it unless she has her business all in order and doesn't have unresolved issues with her ex, kids excepted, (I had one opportunity that was "separated" once, who was just sizzling hot, and she wanted me like nobody's business...but I didn't get involved despite multiple attempts on her part and encouragement from friends and later found out she was just crazier than hell). These involvements are all about pain, their unresolved marital issues, and childhood problems that never got taken care of, as well as drug use and alcoholism. Affairs inflict it on others to a huge degree, and to be frank they don't even see it that way or understand why they do what they do in many cases.Stick with singles, divorced (finalized divorces), and widowed (assuming they didn't murder their spouses), and you will be much better off.
A
male
reader, lonelyleo71 +, writes (8 April 2011):
lonelyleo71 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I am understanding what and where I need to go in life. Basically this saying I made up "Sometimes the brain knows what's right then the heart but at times, the heart can be stronger then the brain."I am in a dating site just to chat with ladies for now and in the process of getting myself of making arrangements for feature renos on the home so I may sell from profit and get out of the home.I know there is other ladies out there, just not ready until my heart is ready. One day at a time.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2011): Healing takes time my friend, but the fact is your wife had emotionally moved on from you a long time before your marriage ended, hence the cheating and now somewhere deep down you may still harbor thoughts of getting back together with her even if the chances are slim but you've got to let that thought go.You love your wife but she doesn't love you, not in the way you want or need.Look, there are many many magnificent women out there, good people and good company, join a dating website, and try to connect with someone else, you'll discover that you are not alone and don't have to be. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, lonelyleo71 +, writes (7 April 2011):
lonelyleo71 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I am still in the marital home. I really can't move out until renos are done, bills are up to par as well better income. That part I really understand that I should be moving out of the home.
I am an artist but findng time to draw is hard, especially having kids and working weird shifts at a call center. I know the answers and want to move on. Basically my mind knows & wants to...but my heart doesn't.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2011): My ex husband did the same thing to me and I was in the same state as you. I dont know if your still living in the marital home if not is it possible to move? I found going home to the same place without him there very hard so I moved and then found it got easier as I went on.
Try and join evenign classes voluntary work anything that doesnt have to cost you anything where you will meet new people and then someone will just pop up unexpected and believe it or not it does get better as time goes on-honestly.
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