A
female
age
41-50,
*arilena
writes:hello , i would like to share my relationship problem , because its making me suffer long long time.I was married unhappily (fighting and prisoned in a house)and had 2 children . i met this man in internet and we were chatting everyday for a long time, then after some months we met and fell in love . It was an amazing strong feeling like i never felt before in my life, and he was giving me evrything my husband didnt. Love, affection, protection and care. I am 35 years old and he is 34. After 4 years of relationship and deep love i decided to live with him and so i got devorced . The thing is his obsession in lesbian sex. at first i didnt pay much importance to it, cause many guys have this fantasy as turn on and how would i know it would end up being an everyday obsession.The first years all we did was amazing sensual sex just the 2 of us. Me i never done anything like threesome before, as i said i was married and had just 2 sexual patrners before i met the new guy, especially having 2 kids i cannot even picture myself in such senarios. He keeps insisting all this time that i should find a girlfriend and feed my femininty, cause i was so tortured the previous years with my exhusband, that i must feed my sensitive side and feel pleasures only a woman can give me. Many times i rang him the bell of danger telling him i m afraid it will effect our love, asked him if i m not enouph for him to turn on,,,, he keeps insisting and even getting angry that i disagree, saying he wants only me to have a sweet gf, as he watches , that he wont touch her, but he will benefit as he sexes me later, as i become more naughty and ''feminine''.For the record i mention that i m very goodlooking and slim despite the birth of 2 kids, with a beautiful face and educated, so i think the problem cannot be that i m unsexy. If he wasnt insisting so obsessed about this i may even concidered to try a naughty adventure once in our lives to spice it up, but this everyday routine becomes rediculous,, especially lately, that from a bed sex senario it has turned to a way of his eveyrday dream life. That is: me and a permanent gf, cooking together, tanning together, bathing eachother, moaning together, same house under his roof,,ahhh and the most hurtful:Making love to eachother so ''sweet........''i feel i m gonna be sick everytime he mentions it,my kids faces pop in my mind and from a deep sensual passionate lady i am lately avoiding sex even , just not to risk hearing once more his lesbian fantasies and feel used as a piece of meat. And of course, till i ''find the right one''(lol), he wont lose time reminding me , by making me watch lesbian porn and even in penetration moment he cant keep quiet and asks me stuff i would do with her.He is so into this, even as the nail girl will come to do my manicure,he pictures her -excuse me for the expression -licking me.From 2 of us sex, became senarios to spice the sex, from senario to spice the sex became his ideal life: me, the girlfriend and him coming from out and finding us in bed cuddling.He even described how she should be: young (cause i m 35), naughty(cause i m a mother)bisexual, sexy and big breasts and we must love eachother.(while the first time of the relationship he wouldnt stand a butterfly to sit on my shoulder and all my orgasms were for him), now i m forced to make love with a woman and cum together .from my moans we reached now to our both moans, from my body we reached now to our both bodies touching, etc. The only thing that keeps me from disapearing from his life (cause i feel used) is that i really feel he loves me in a deep protective way,and in other levels of our lives he would step in fire for me, plus the memories of my ex marriage are horrible. I am afraid he knows how vonerable i was and in need for a male to protect me, and uses this to make me fulfill his fantasie. Its the only thing that turns him on, and because i m beautiful i m afraid makes him want to see me in action even more. I am sorry if i went long about this, but i have no other way to be helped.your help is apreciated,especially if u had experiences similar to mine, or if you are a man who can tell me if his reaction is abusive or normal. thank you
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, marilena +, writes (4 May 2013):
marilena is verified as being by the original poster of the question thank you ''got issues'' for your detailed and helpful advice. My kids stay with me and i never let them realised the travmatic experience i m living inside me.Sometimes i want to disappear and be alone to pull myself together, but due the situation i cannot do that.
A
female
reader, marilena +, writes (3 May 2013):
marilena is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you very much for your answers , i read very carefully. I love him and i wish i was wrong about this , but i m sure i have right. Anyone is free to have his lifestyle, as long its not effective other peoples feelings with it. My way of thinking is if a man loves a woman ,he treats her with nothing but respect , like a fragile precious fairy, and would do nothing to hurt her. Then as a woman i would give the world to him. Because this is what he showed me at first and made me believe i had found my prince of dreams.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (3 May 2013):
Dear OP,
I am so sorry for you. I am not sure whether your man knows how manipulative and insensitive he is. And how much this is bothering you. It sounds like he is deeply obsessed with this and maybe he doesn't realise what is at stake.
Maybe you can remind him of what should be important to him - you!
Don't push him to make a decision for or against you. But tell him that you are not going to have sex with a woman because it doesn't turn you on. And that this is final and won't change. Tell him it's not just a minor favor, but a whole life style that he is asking from you. And that when your relationship started, you didn't opt for that.
Maybe you can go away for a few days, so he has time to think about what he wants to do now. In the best case, he will miss you and realise he's about to lose a really beautiful and caring woman because of a stupid fantasy.
I hope this helped but and that you will find a way together.
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A
female
reader, raiders  +, writes (3 May 2013):
 You need to talk to him and let him know how much this is bothering you. Give him a final and clear NO, don't be force in doing something you don't want because you will regret it later on in life.
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A
female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (3 May 2013):
 This sounds a lot like my ex. He used to do the same thing and I said no time and again and he just carried on pestering me and it was such a turn-off. This man is trying to control you and get you to live out his fantasy. He doesn't care that you don't want to, he only cares about his own satisfaction. He doesn't care a whole lot about your feelings at all, because you've said you don't want to and instead of backing off he continues to badger you. I think sometimes you need to be more direct with people. Don't give an excuse for not doing something you don't want to do, just say NO. I don't want to. The end.You're right not to have caved in to his constant demands. You have morals and values and you are sticking by them and that's great. There are people that would have gone along with something like this out of misguided love. You say he loves you but I think he loves himself a lot more. Honestly, in your shoes I wouldn't stay with him. He sounds like a total creep. I think you have stayed with him because your marriage was bad and this guy on the surface seems to treat you well, but putting this kind of pressure on a vulnerable damaged person is not good treatment. It is controlling and abusive.Where are your kids? Do they live with you or with your ex-husband? I think you need to spend some time alone romantically, focusing on your children and being there for them as much as you can instead of getting swept away in another abusive relationship.
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A
female
reader, marilena +, writes (3 May 2013):
marilena is verified as being by the original poster of the questionany help is welcomed , thanks
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A
female
reader, marilena +, writes (3 May 2013):
marilena is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni would like to clarify something , i was married and had 2 kids and then i met another man (maybe my sentense wasnt clear). The question is about the new man. thanks!
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