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female
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*uzieq
writes: BF prefers porn to me. What can I do? Have been together 1.5 yrs, living together 7 months. Were having sex 2x/week but then 1x/week and now once every two weeks. He's affectionate but doesn't want to make love and becomes annoyed whenever I bring it up. I always have to initiate and that's a drag to be shut down since he never wants it. He even claimed to have a low sex drive due to meds.Found out recently that he's been masturbating to porn, so it's not the sex drive that's the problem. I understand men jacking off - not the problem. But shouldn't it be a supplement rather than a replacement? He's blaming me "it's all about sex", when he's having sex without me. He's honest about it, though and doesn't ogle women when we're out and about. Holds my hand, gives me hugs but doesn't want to make love. And he's great at it!! How to fix this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007): Got the same problem... Granted I am 8 months pregnant and probably look like the side of a house to my b/f at the moment, but should that really drive him to masturbate to porn?! My sex drive is really high right now and when I try to initiate anything in bed, he says he's too tired or doesn't feel like it, if that's the case why does he look at porn on the internet? Have checked the histories on the internet and as we're the only 2 people in the house and I know its not me looking at, then the porn sites visited are down to him. He's also been onto social networking sites and has been looking at other girls - should I be worried?? We're supposed to be having our first child in a month's time and he can't even keep his mind on our own relationship without chatting to other girls on the internet...
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female
reader, manhater29 +, writes (15 May 2006):
I HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH THE SAME ISSUES FOR OVER A YEAR NOW AND I DON'T THINK THERE IS A SOLUTION TO THE PROBLEM UNLESS YOU SUCK IT UP AND ACCEPT HIM THAT WAY BUT I CAN'T DO THAT BECAUSE I WANT TO KNOW THE REASON BEHIND IT ALL. AND I KEEP THINKING THAT IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE IF IT IS NOT DEALT WITH AND I CAN'T GO THRU THE EMOTIONAL PAIN OF IT ALL AGAIN SO I FEEL LIKE IT'S TO BIG OF A CHANCE TO TAKE WITH SOMEONE THAT IS NOT WILLING TO DISCUSS IT AND TRY TO GET TO THE BOTTOM OF IT ALL. HE WANTS TO ACT LIKE IT NEVER HAPPEND EVEN THO IT HAPPEND ALL DAY EVERYDAY FOR OVER A MONTH RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME AND HE DIDN'T SHOW ONE BIT OF REGRET FOR HURTING ME THE WAY HE DID,INTENTIONALY, I BELIEVE. I CAME UP WITH MY OWN IDEAS SINCE HE DIDN'T WANT TO HELP ME UNDERSTAND IT ALL AND THE THINGS I CAME UP WITH WERE 1.HE'S GAY BUT DON'T WANT TO ADMIT IT! 2.HE'S ADDICTED TO MASTERBATION 3.HE GETS BORED EASILY,EVEN THO WE HAD A VERY EXPEREMENTAL SEX LIFE AND I DID ALL HE WANTED OR THAT TURNED HIM ON. 4.HE IS JUST A MEAN PERSON WITH ALOT OF ISSUES 5.OR HE IS MENTALLY MESSED UP WHICH EVER ONE IS RIGHT NONE MAKE ME HAVE ANY HOPE FOR A GOOD STRONG LASTING LOVING RELATIONSHIP.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2006): apperently it's more common then I thought! I had(have) the same problem with my boyfriend/husband. when we started dating we had great sex it just wasn't very ofter so thought he had taken what i had said about my ex always wanting it to heart so i talked to him and thought it would get better but it didn't it just got less and less. I wouldn't even know he was horny, he would show any signs of it when I was there but as soon as I walked out the door his penis would be in his hand and the porn on the t.v. and if i walked back in and catch him he would say i was doing it on purpose,but I wasn't,at that time. Anyways the more I tryed to talk to him about it and how it made me feel unwanted he would just get mad and then he started to do it when i was home and right in front of me, like he was trying to hurt me, then he began to lock himself in the living room all day and night to masterbate and watch porn and the only time he would come out was if he really had too! I ended up leaving him after only two months of marriage and went into a major depression over all of it. Now he keeps telling me that he wants me to come back and that he will be good to me but how am i suppose to believe him when he is still lieing to me about his materbation, he says its normal but it's not normal for your wife to feel like he don't want to make love to her and he barely cums when he does because he materbates so often and I don't think that he can reproduce either because we were together for over a year with no protection ever and i never got pregnant and I already have one child so I know i'm fertile but I don't know if he is, he is 30 years old and never have had any kids. Everything that the person said for a reply to your message has already entered my mind about my husband but i don't know how to find the answers and he doesn't want to discuss it, he wants to act like it never happend even though it went on meanly for over a month before I left. If you find any answers to your situation please let me know what it was. [email address blocked]
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male
reader, GLforever +, writes (10 January 2006):
 This is a tough one. Most men would say that another man has "something wrong with him" if he chooses to masturbate rather than have sex with an attractive and willing female. Personally, I don't think that is always true - sometimes it might be, but not always.Do you know what type of porn he watches when he is alone? That might be a big clue, particularly if it is different from the porn you two have watched together. He may be embarrassed about what really excites him.He could also be one of those people cannot be satisfied with the same sexual partner for very long.He could really by gay and in denial and just trying hard to "be" heterosexual. This is far more common than most people think.You have a very difficult situation on your hands. I know you asked "how to fix this", but you won't be able to fix anything until you and he both know what is actually causing the problem. Good luck.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2006): same problem as you. i had a real problem with husband watching porn, it seemed like every time i was out etc he was watching porn and masturbating but if im here in the day with him he never suggests going to bed or anything. we argued threw away porn then i thought im being silly so i got couple dvds for him. i watch with him sometimes so its not jealousy over over women. recently though we dont have sex much seems only when been drinking. i have noticed in the morning stains on his side of bed, he's masturbating while im asleep, why dosent he wake me up. had it out with him he says he dosent know why and knows it's derogative towards me still happening though. is it me or should i ignore it helllppp.
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female
reader, suzieq +, writes (5 January 2006):
suzieq is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSkyraider 82 - no weight issues or anything like that. He says he always thinks I'm pretty and it's not that he's not attracted to me. No hygeine issues either. He has told me that I'm good in bed (the second person to give him an orgasm during oral.) I did recently try watching porn with him (I'm not anti-porn!) and it was nice being together, but won't work for every time. He will talk about it, but I need to be careful not to make it a neverending issue.
He told me today that part of the problem is that I don't orgasm like his other lovers did. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do about that. I can only be me, but I think he's feeling in adequate based on the comparisons that he's making. I'm not exactly quiet, but don't fake anything either.
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male
reader, SKYRAIDER_82 +, writes (4 January 2006):
Relationship is in big trouble baby. Porn over a willing partner.....ther are some serious issues going on. I can only begin to guess what the problem is? You say you want to have sex, but there could be a whole lot of other things going on to temper his desire for you, i.e. weight gain, personal hygeine, fighting, another woman, a plethera of reasons really. You say he is good at it has he told you sincerely are? Talk to him, it is amazing what you can find out with some open ended fact finding questions. Here is one suggestion though, tell him you want to watch some porn with him and "act" out a particular scene you both find sexy!!
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