| A ,
*tarStruck
writes: Ok this will probably be a long one but here goes. To start I met Chad when I was 17 while taking my GED test I had heard about him before from a lot of mutual friends we had but this was the first time I had met or talked to him for me there was an instant attraction but he didn’t seem to interested in me so I moved on. To make along story short I moved to Dallas to stay with family met a guy moved in with him and was with him for about 4 months. And we were in the process of moving to Missouri well I had come back to my home town to visit for a few weeks before moving so far away. And who did I run into Chad we hung out for those 2 weeks none stop he sweet talked me and everything else told me how he wanted me since he first saw me at the GED test but he was married at the time and he had just gotten his divorce well we fooled around a little but didn’t have sex I slept in his bed for 2 weeks with him but no sex(god’s honest truth) well I did as planned I went back to Dallas and moved to Missouri with the guy I had been living with well me and that guy got into a big fight and I went back home. And ending up hooking up with Chad. It wasn’t anything like a real relationship then he lived with his mom and I stayed there with him on and off then we lived together with his aunt and uncle well he started acting strange and like he was avoiding me well one night me and his brother and brothers girlfriend went to find him at one of the local bars being underage at the time I couldn’t get in his brother went in to tell him I was outside waiting on him. His brother came out looking shocked with a message that he didn’t want to see him or talk to me so being crushed I went and got drunk and moved on with my life ended back up with the first guy and was with him for 5 years after that had a baby with him and when our son was 3 months old he left us we moved back to our home town. About a year ½ later I get a call from one of my friends saying hold on someone wants to talk to you and it was Chad my heart fell to my stomach he invited me out for a drink I went we talked for a long time he explained to me why things happened so many years ago he said that he was madly in love with me then but felt like a loser because he had no job and nothing to offer me, and that he had gotten drunk and cheated and just couldn’t face me because he felt so bad about it. Well after we split back then he hooked up with a girl that I knew and she was the type that slept with a lot of guys he explained how he didn’t ever really plan or want to hook up with her but after fighting her off for almost a year he ended up with her anyway and how he did grow to love her but never stopped thinking about me and wandering where I was at and that he repeatedly asked people about me up till the point he moved to Alabama well we hung out for the 3 weeks he was in town no sex or anything just talking and catching up on things. He went back to Alabama and I never expected to see him again then he popped back up talking about how he found out that she cheated on him and he was planning on leaving her after the first of the year well we ended up having sex a few times during that visit but he went back to Alabama he called a few times here and there but nothing major just checking what was going on and how I was and if there was any new gossip around town that was interesting. well I moved on dated a guy for a few months we split and I found out I was pregnant a couple months later well that guy pulled the normal make BS it isn’t mine blah blah blah and then a few months later Chad calls saying that he was turning him self into jail on a warrant he had here for none payment of his child support and wanted to see me before he went to jail. Well I had an extra ticket to a concert and we ended up going to the concert with a couple friends. Well we did have sex that night and we talked he said he really liked me but he had to give her one more chance to be faithful to him and that he would probably go back to her after he got out of jail but we could be friends and he would always care for me. Ok well he brought me home I was fine with the whole deal I never really expected more despite the fact that even after all these years I was still in love with him. Well I ended up getting with a new guy and getting back into college and then I get a call from him a few months later he was out of jail and wanted me to go to where he was staying with his mom to visit but I couldn’t I had already planned a trip to Dallas to go visit some friends. He told me then that him and the girl was spilt for good she cheated on him when he was in jail and she even moved another man into his house. Well I told him I was with someone and the guy had even asked me to marry him and he knew I was the type if I'm with someone I’m with them and only them. Well I went on to Dallas me, the guy and my son well it was a good visit but on the way home this guy assaulted my son and I dumped him and found another ride home right then and there. Well a few days later Chad calls to see if I made it back from Dallas ok I told him yeah and explained what had happened he said it was to bad and that I should come see him for the weekend and I did I got a baby sitter and went and spent the weekend as friends only…. Well then at the end of the weekend he asked me if he could have another try at being with me I said yeah and we dated and got along great for 3 months then I had the baby he was great to me threw all that he was there when I had my 2nd son he stood up for me with the babies father he even bought a car seat for me to bring the baby home in well I had to take a semester off school due to no babysitter and me and Chad ended up renting a place back in our home town together. Well after moving in a learned that he was an ex- crack cocaine addict which he swore he was done with the stuff so no big deal I always knew he was a pothead but I knew he had quit because of his new job well after about 3 weeks of living together (note: he works on an oil rig he is out of state working for 10days and he is home for 5) he was in from work and some of his friends came by to see him we had planned on getting drunk that night so I got a babysitter for the night (the babies dad has finally accepted him) so my mom took my oldest son and the baby went to his dads. We are all drinking and I go to the bathroom and I come out and they are talking about something strange and after listening for a few I realize that they had called someone to bring them some crack over so they could party. I got pissed threw a fit well he calmed me down and told me to try it one time with him which I had already tried it years ago and didn’t like it I told him that he went on and on about well try it with me and if you still don’t like we wont ever do it….. Well to make a long story short he continued to smoke crack 2 days out of the 5 he was home for about 2 months then I almost od’ed on it and he promised we would never do it again. And he didn’t for about a month we just drank and that’s all well then one night one of his friends was over and he just picks up the phone and calls the dealer and tells her to bring x amount I’m just in shock I’m like WHAT and we get into a big fight and I was going to leave then he said that he had forgotten about the promise and he couldn’t cancel out after already calling her that when you cancel out they think your narcing on them and they freak so I was like ok this is the last time well it wasn’t until I said to hell with it and well it got back he would really have bad tweaks where he was accusing me of cheating and shit. Well he one night tells me that he is moving back to his moms he didn’t want to do the dope anymore and didn’t want me doing it so he moved back to his moms to save us money and I moved back to my moms because his mom doesn’t like me and blames me for his relapse. That was 2 months ago I’ve been doing my part I stay home and take care of my kids no parties no going out nothing like that I’m fixing to start back to college which was one of his biggest complaints is that I didn’t go back to school. Well 2 weeks ago he disappears his mom calls me and apologizes for blaming me and asks for help finding him well 2 days later he calls and goes back to his moms he relapsed again well I called a few hours after he got back I didn’t bitch at him I just asked him why and what was he thinking he was honest and told me he went to a motel with some new people he met and they smoked crack and he said he had no excuses and he went horrible and that it made him realize he needs better things in his life and that he loves me more than he thought. He confessed that he took this girl to a motley crew concert that he cancelled out on me on and he swore on his kids that he didn’t even kiss her or anything. Well we got together for a few days last week he asked me to marry him and swore he found the light and wanted to be a better man and be my husband and wanted us to have a baby that was OURS. Well mixed in with this entire ordeal are his kids he has 2 kids by his ex-wife and she didn’t let him see them for 5 years until right after we moved here. Well he can only see them at her house and I’m not allowed to go with him which is another thing making things harder on us. Because she doesn’t want him but doesn’t want him with anyone else or want him to be happy that’s why she stopped him from seeing his kids 6 years ago was because he choose his girlfriend at the time over her rule on him only seeing them at her house alone and told her he was going to take her to court and she disappeared with them. I love this man with every part of me and I feel that he loves me I can just see it sometimes but I also see confusion and I also see that he still hasn’t had closer with the relationship before me she left him when he was still in jail trying to get his life straight for once he hasn’t seen or talked to her since. He had a bad childhood and a not so good mother his father was never around. His mom was also a crack addict and smoked infront of her kids when they were young. His mom went to prison when he was like 14 for 1st degree murder for killing her abusive husband. And became a drunk after that. He was married with 2 kids by the time he was 19 and divorced at 21. the only person that ever tried to teach him to be a man his grandfather dies when he was 17. These are the things im asking…… How should I help him learn to trust? How can I help him know that he can be such a great man and that he can overcome his past and his addictions? How can I show him that I love him and im willing to help him and stand by him and be his strength but that I cant deal with the drugs? Should take his proposal serious? Should I take his word for the fact that he is tired of the drug life, and how should we deal with the ex-wife not letting him see the kids unless its just him at her house alone with her and the kids and I'm not to be anywhere around???
View related questions:
crush, divorce, drugs, drunk, ex-wife, his ex, in jail, money, moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2005): You're wasted, you should just move on...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2005): Hi honey.You have been through a lot, and so has he. I think that in answer to your questions, you should not try to do all this on your own. I think that you need to get the help of a professional counsellor to go through all these issues with him, maybe with you there, and I really don't think you should marry him until you know that he is free from the drugs (and will NEVER go back) and that he has some sense of self-worth, so that he will improve himself and his life.If he loves you and he genuinely wants to change, he must prove it to you, and if you love him and want what's best for him, I think you should realise that you can't sort everything out on your own this time.If he refuses to seek help from someone trained to help people move away from their pasts and enjoy their lives again, then I really don't think it's best for you to stay with him.I also think, that maybe if he sorts himself out, his ex wife may think better of the both of you, and her attitude towards him seeing his kids will change in time.I hope that you work things out.
...............................
|
