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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been in love with a male friend for a long time, but he's gay. I intentionally got him drunk and seduced him. Even though we had really great sex, he said that he still prefers men. I just found out I'm pregnant with his child. Part of me wants to pretend someone else is the father, but another part of me thinks maybe I can get him to marry me. I know I can make him happy if he gives me a chance. Should I tell him?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2006): If he's so gay why did he sleep with a woman?
A
female
reader, risk_taker +, writes (13 September 2006):
Girl yes you should tell him that the baby is his why would you do that to a person.You should feel bad for doing that getting him drunk like taht and sleeping with him what's wrong with you.Some times we have to put are feeling aside he's gay do you really think that he going to stop being gay.Well let me tell you he's not, but he has the right to know it is your fault.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2006): Oh, Good Grief! Okay, first of all, I commend you at least for your honesty to this website. That's a start. Now, don't even consider having this child and trying to "pass it off" as someone else's. You can't make a lie right by adding another one on top of it. They don't cancel each other out.
I also don't advise aborting a baby just because you made a very dumb mistake. It's not like you were raped or had this forced on you. You obviously had unprotected sex with a man who knew wasn't in love you. Now you have to sort it out yourself.
My advice would be to have the child. You MUST tell the father whether he's gay, bisexual, or whatever. It's his child too, and he has a right to know, if not legally, ethically and morally. The two of you should decided what to do together. There's every possibilty he might want the child. I have a couple of gay friends (1 male couple, 1 female couple), and they have adopted unwanted kids. They're excellent parents. I don't go for this idea that gay people can't be good parents. Anyone who wants to take responsibility for a child and has the emotional and financial means should do it.
As for you, babe, you've got some serious issues. Now, I won't bash you like the others. I think you know what you did was supremely wrong. You can't "turn" gay people straight, and no matter how hard you try, you can't "make" someone love you. Just because a guy has sex with you, doesn't mean he's straight. This guy probably wouldn't have done anything with you if you hadn't gotten him drunk, crawled in bed with him, and got on top of him. No man would be able to resist that.
We don't choose the people we love. It just happens. I think you were sincere in your feelings for this guy, but if you really love him, you have to accept the fact that he wasn't made for you. Instead of chasing after him and seducing him, why don't you wait for someone who actually loves YOU?
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A
male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (12 September 2006):
 I won't bash you like everybody here seems to have done but I will be frank. Yes, its dispicable what you have done and now a child is involved. Whether you would like to admit it or not you did it on purpose. Now you have left this man in a position of being a father when he didn't want to be. He might indeed welcome this because he can't obviously have a child with whomever he chooses to be with but that was a choice you made for him. I hope it works out well for you and the child but you are selfish and if decides to only speak to you only for the well-being of the child and nothing more. You can blame yourself and yourself alone. I know you are in a fragile state right now and I wish you the best and hope for the best for child in the future. Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (12 September 2006):
 I tried writing a supportive response a couple times but just couldn't do it. You should be strung up for the horrible thing you have done. Sorry but when people do stupid, mean things intentionally it makes me so angry, especially when it involves innocent children. You need professional counseling to figure out what exactly is wrong with you. Tell the father and give him full custody as soon as the baby is born, you obviously can't be trusted.
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A
female
reader, Helen1986  +, writes (12 September 2006):
 I think that you should stop trying to make this guy fall for you. He is gay and that is that, you cannot change him. If you really did love this guy you would want him to be happy, and stop playing with his mind. You should also be honest with him and tell him he is the father, not only would it be unfair if you lied to him but it would be very unfair on your child. There is no chance that you will be able to marry this guy and you have to accept this. I suggest you just be honest and let your friend decide what he wants to do to help with your childs future and also just leave your friend alone in that way because he willl never be yours okay. Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2006): A marriage with him would be unsuccessful. He has told you he prefers men, how could you make love to a man knowing deep down that he really doesn't want to be making love to you? Eventually he would follow his own path and seek the relationship that he really desires with a man! Where would this leave you? feeling totally rejected, undesired, unloved and eventually very bitter. This would be no loving relationship to bring a child up in, as it would be based on lies and deceit. Yes you should tell him about the baby, but don't expect him to roll out the red carpet for you, I can imagine that he will be very upset especially if you are trying to pressurize him into marriage. You need to think very carefully about your actions as you have now involved another little soul into your lives.He may be a brilliant father, but he will never be the husband that you are looking for.
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A
female
reader, camille +, writes (12 September 2006):
 What you did was grossly unfair. You must tell him that you are pregnant but don't disillusion yourself into thinking he'll marry you. I know it takes two, but you knew he was gay and you intentionally went out to get him. The repercussion of your selfish actions is an innocent unborn baby. It's not a game, that's truly messing with people's lives and one that hasn't even begun. You must live with the consequences. There's no reason he can't be a great father to his child, but you can't expect him to be a husband. You can't make him happy as you are a woman. So what if the sex was great, is that worth this mess? Why didn't you use contraception? It sounds as though it was all part of the plan. Perhaps you didn't just go out to seduce him, perhaps you intended to trap him. I just hope you're more selfless with your child.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2006): I understand that this is an awkward situation and the two previous answers were being very supportive, however, I'm not sure we're reading the same thing. This woman has said that she intentionally got this bloke drunk and seduced him, she obviously had planned this, knowing he was gay and wouldn't be up for it it he was sober. I just think that if a man had wrote this about a woman, the term 'rape' would have been thrown around by now.
You definitely have to tell him about the baby, hopefully, if you're lucky he'll still want to speak with you, never mind marry you!!
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A
female
reader, giant scallop +, writes (12 September 2006):
Yes of course you should tell him, this child is his too. Think about your child, honesty is always the best policy with children right from the beginning of their lives so that they fully accept their situation as normal and happy and settled. If you persuaded a gay man to marry you because of your child how long do you think the marriage would last? Just as you as a heterosexual woman if forced to marry another woman could not deny their own feelings and desires for men so he will not be able to deny his feelings for other men. A marriage would never work out but a partnership bringing up a healthy, stable child is very possible. Try to put your feelings aside for everyone's sake especially your own and save yourself a lot of heartache in the long run. Having a child is a wonderful thing so try and enjoy it.
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A
female
reader, kellyO +, writes (12 September 2006):
 Hi dear,
I think he has the right to know you are expecting his kid but i dont feel u should use this to get him to marry you. I think he is pretty sure about his sexual orientation and if u proceed in this way u are definitely going to get hurt in the long run and i really dont want that for you. I know that you must really love him but his sexual prefence is men or would u want to be in a marriage when u partner seeks his sexual fulfilment elsewhere? Please think about this.
Take care now and all the best.
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