A
male
age
41-50,
*rokenhearted27
writes:Ok, for starters I have been in a relationship for almost 2 years now, and I like to think I've been a good boyfriend. I do everything to make my relationship work, for example I clean the house every day after I get home from work and on my days off, where as my girlfriend only cleans every other Monday because Monday is one of her days off. That is just one example there are many many more but it would take to long to type all of that. Even that doesn't bother me that much because it's just "stuff" what bothers me the most is when I try to give her a kiss and she turns away or says just kiss her cheek or that she doesn't want the kiss. In the whole time we have been together she has never asked me for a kiss or told me she loves me without me saying it first. My main problem is that she refuses to give me a blow job and she won't let me finish in her mouth, that really bothers me because she has let every other boyfriend she has had do it besides me and even guys that were one nite stands could you please tell me if you think she really loves me?
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male
reader, Joker55 +, writes (13 May 2012):
That sounds like a bad situation that I can relate to my girlfriend won't give me head and she did it for her past boyfriend and in a way I feel as though she doesn't love me as much as she loved him all the things that I've read lead me to say that maybe you should question her love for you she should not turn away from your affection it's not right for her to pull away from you in these ways that she does I know these things would hurt me it's not fair to you in the least
A
female
reader, speedcat +, writes (18 February 2008):
hi, im a female and i need to agree with you, it does seem like theres so much more going on here, the fact she turns her head away from your kiss and never says she loves you first to me doesnt seem like shes that into you, dont get me wrong i'm not saying that a girl must swallow to be into you but not even initiate a damm kiss once in a while! And I also dont believe in "one sidedness" you're fufilling all her sexual desires and she can't even kiss you. I agree with DOUBLE M im very into my man and I chase him everywere! This is how cheating starts one partner feels "not valued or not desired" and looks elsewere for attention. Please don't get me wrong this shouldnt be an excuse. Leave her before you cheat, regardless if you feel you have the right or not. its just the right thing to do. Some girls feel that they need someone around, regardless if there happy or not, the old saying"someone is better than noone". Tell her how you feel and tell her if things don't change your gone, believe me if she loves you she'll put effort.....real effort into you if not move on. Good job double m!!!!!!!!!!!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (17 February 2008):
 Good point, Tisha-1. It is now clear that oral sex is not the only thing that''s making the poster unhappy. I also believe he needs to think more carefully in the relationship as a whole.
And if you're going to cheat, poster, why not just leave her? I would rather find myself someone new. I don't think I would like to go back to an insatisfactory relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2008): I didn't read the rest of the postings, so I may be repeating. Maybe she doesn't enjoy swallowing. It is kinda gross. My boyfriend always told me not to because he saw how hard it was for me to do and he really cared about me. Perhaps she knows you care enough to stick around regardless of that, so she doesn't feel like she needs to compromise herself. Also, you said with the ex's she was different, but being that she loves and respects you, maybe she feels the need to be a little more conservative and ladylike. It is always much more passionate and wild with someone you don't really give a damn about because when its over, its over and it wont be something you'll have to try to recreate. She knew those one nights stands were one time. If she let you come in her mouth, it would become an expectation.As far as the I love you. Maybe she's just the more needy one in the relationship. One is always more so than the other. Why I have turned my face for a kiss 1. Its a way of teasing him to make him enjoy them more when he gets them. 2. I've been mad about something he didn't realize he'd done wrong. Not mad enough to start a fight, but annoyed enough to not feel like being affectionate for the moment3. I had bad breath at the time!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 February 2008):
 From what you've reported, it sounds like you're putting in 80 or 90% of the work into this relationship, and she is in for only a small percentage...
I'm also hearing that it really bothers you that you're not getting what you perceive she gave to the other men in her past--oral sex. Did something happen to her that has put her off this?
I don't know, it sounds lopsided to me, you clean the house and sexually satisfy her, even if you don't enjoy it very much. You do seem to be very jealous of her previous sexual encounters....
Why are you with her? What is it that keeps you together? This isn't making sense to me.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (17 February 2008):
 On the one hand, I agree with "hello1" that getting all worked up and thinking of either cheating or concluding a relationship over the lack of oral sex sounds rather childish. One the other hand, you have made the point that supposedly, your present girlfriend was much more adventurous, and giving, with her exes.
I think the thing to consider is the rest of your relationship. How good is it? How loving? Are you otherwise the best of friends? Do you love the same things in life otherwise? Is she a good cook? Would she be a great mother? If you do love everything else about her, then you may wish to let love grow and your sexual desires may yet be fulfilled. She may just be holding back because, in her mind perhaps, you have made such a big deal about it. Consider that.
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A
male
reader, brokenhearted27 +, writes (17 February 2008):
brokenhearted27 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyea they might, and it might be. But it's better if i end it then be un happy isn't it? I guess what I'm trying to say is yes its a "blow job" but its not its the fact that its like she just stopped wanting to do it when we got together, and i know its her body its her choice and i don't have a problem with that. Let me ask everyone this question. Say your a BF or a GF, put your self in this situation and tell me how you would feel. so your living with your BF or GF and every time your in the same room with them they sit on the opposite couch, even if there are other people in the room so your left sitting by there mom or dad or sister and there on another couch sitting by them self now imagine your at home with them and they never sit on the same piece of furniture as you and if they do they sit on the far end way away from you. now imagine you get closer to them to give them a kiss and they turn a cheek to you. now imagine the only time you hear i love you from them is only after you say it, and imagine never getting a kiss from them unless you provoke it. now imagine your in bed and night after night passes and they never make a move to make love to you, then after waiting for them to make the first move but they never do so you make the first move and they just lay there waiting for you to please them then its over. Your left there feeling completely left out now imagine your favorite thing to do when you make love now imagine they have done that a lot of times in the past with with a ex or two or three now you ask for it and they say no. and the only reason you get is i don't want to. Yes there saying no to the sex act but there also saying it to you, its that old saying "the straw that broke the camels back".
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A
female
reader, hello1  +, writes (17 February 2008):
 Okay...end a relationship over not getting a blow job. But hey I wouldn't tell people that's why you ended the relationship, they may think your strange.
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A
male
reader, brokenhearted27 +, writes (16 February 2008):
brokenhearted27 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, a blow job is a part of the reason i would cheat but it is not the full reason. The full reason is I just feel left out in our relationship but im not sure if i want to end it or not. I just feel like, in some strange way, her ex was close to her in a way (or place) that i will never be able to be. like there is some part of her that still belongs to their relationship. And Again im not being selfish. In my head when we have sex the idea that those guys have done more with her then me really makes me mad and I'm not fully sure why but it bothers me to no end so yea it is about a blow job because that is my favorite part of sex by far but its also about me feeling like less then her exes
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A
female
reader, hello1 +, writes (16 February 2008):
Wait your going to cheat on her because she dosen't give you a blow job? I think you two must have deeper issues than this. She sounds selfish in the bedroom but you got to sort that out. Really I don't see this relationship working, it dosen't sound like she cares much about you anyway to be honest.
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A
male
reader, brokenhearted27 +, writes (16 February 2008):
brokenhearted27 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks doubleM, I kinda lately have been starting to think that it might be me. Mainly because of experience I've had in the past with exes they have always been the ones to really get things going where as in now with my girlfriend she just doesn't do anything but lay in the bed and expect me to do everything. The thing that bothers me the most is she wont ask me for a kiss or tell me she loves me without me saying it first or in bed she wont do anything with my rod if she touches it during sex its for maybe 3min if that, where as with my ex i couldn't get her to leave it alone. I mean my girlfriend is only 21 soon to be 22 but it just seems like shes over sex. especially with me i was starting to think maybe she is only with me because she cant find anyone better even tho I think I'm a decent looking guy. I'm just really lost right now and i don't know quite what to do, I know she is into sex tho because before me she has had 10 boyfriends where as I've only had 4. I have recently started to think of something really bad "cheating" I know that's not the answer but i don't know what else to do. any time i try talking to her about it she says I'm being selfish. But all i want is to feel like I'm wanted and like I'm attractive to her and that she really loves me, and as weird as it seems to people by giving me oral it makes me feel all those things and she wont even give me that but she did to every other guy she has slept with
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (16 February 2008):
There are gals out there who really dig sex in most all it's wonderful ways within reason, and while I would regret it for you, this particular woman does not seem to be that "into you" based on your descriptions. Me thinks there even may be something else going on in her life, but you are best to judge any possibility about that.
Especially during the ages from about 18 or 19 through the 40s and beyond, sexual pleasure is a constant exploration and sharing, and when mixed with friendship, caring and loving, should have few if any boundaries.
You are willing to give oral satisfaction for her, though you admitted it is not your favorite activity, but you have wanted to receive as well. There is nothing wrong or unusual about that. And if both partners are healthy, disease-free and in a good relationship, oral pleasure is perfectly normal and has been part of sexual relationships throughout the history of humankind. Ancient texts and artwork depict it. Even animals do it.
At your age, I was going through women . . . well, prolifically. Yet I cared about every one of them, and many of those relationships were extended, often for a year or more. Moving about the world for business reasons was usually the only reason good things came to a conclusion.
The "dead fish" routine, if that is the case, is another big, red flag here.
A healthy sexual girl these days would usually grab your rod and do all kinds of things - even chase you around the bedroom. All is your decision dude.
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A
male
reader, brokenhearted27 +, writes (15 February 2008):
brokenhearted27 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you doubleM, so I'm not crazy someone else sees where I'm coming from i don't think I'm being outrageous to ask for common courtesy from her i like to make her happy in bed but its like she doesn't care if i am, you know I wouldn't even ask her if she didn't want it from me. It just makes me feel like I'm below her exes because she did it with them more then enough times. I guess i just feel left out And no I'm not being selfish. In bed she just lays on her back like a dead fish she doesn't do anything to please me but she expects me to do everything, wait she does touch me for a second or two if i move her hand other wise its a one way street with her being the happy one and me being disappointed she complains that it takes me to long to finish but i thought that it was supposed to be a good thing that I'm not a "1 min man". I was thinking about proposing but now I'm having second thoughts
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (15 February 2008):
My final thought here, considering you say that you please her orally "all the time" and she enjoys it, is that your arrangements have become rather one-sided. She gets what she enjoys, you would like a little of that enjoyment as well.
So . . . 'What's good for the gander is good for the goose." (transposed)
Stop giving her head. Just don't - do intercouse how you like it - and after awhile (or maybe almost right away) she will likely ask for some licking.
You have said you don't particularly like it anyway.
Say, "Naw, I don't feel like doing that right now."
Days or nights later, she will ask again, and say that you don't like doing it any more.
Say little to nothing more. It's supposed to be a two-way street.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (15 February 2008):
I guess none of us expected this. You need to talk to her and see what the problem is. There needs to be a reason.
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A
male
reader, brokenhearted27 +, writes (15 February 2008):
brokenhearted27 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am far from self centered I do more then my fare share of pleasing her in and out of the bedroom. Ps. I give her oral all the time and I don't enjoy it but I do it because she does
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2008): I am far from self centered I do more then my fare share of pleasing her in and out of the bedroom. Ps. I give her all the time and I don't enjoy it but I do it because she does
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2008): oh my life! have you ever thought that maybe your girlfriend suffered a bad experience with another man! talk to her about it for gods sake! stop being SO self centered!and even if it nothing to do with her past...its her choice what she does to you with her body! learn some respect for your girlfriend and women in general!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 February 2008):
I don't have much to add to the excellent response by DoubleM, other than to ask about your level of personal hygiene. Make sure that your mouth is clean and fresh smelling brush and floss at least twice a day. And that your groin and genitals are clean as well (don't brush and floss there though I would have a talk with her about what you feel your missing in your sex life, and that the talk take place when you're not exhausted or in bed. A nice quiet evening when you feel calm and able to articulate your desires and can listen in response to hers.Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (15 February 2008):
If a girl doesn't enjoy giving oral sex, even good boyfriends don't get it. She has to want to. I wonder what her reason can be, however; do inquire into it.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (15 February 2008):
It is not necessary that a girlfriend or a wife provide such service unless she enjoys it, but many WILL if they love their man and are receiving oral pleasure in return. As you indicate, some women even enjoy oral finish at any time, but has she "ever" done that for you?
It could be that she has experienced very unpleasant tasting sperm in the past and no longer would enjoy or tolerate it, although every man supposedly is quite different in their essence than others. A diet heavy in fruit and fruit juices may help improve that. She also may have become turned-off during previous relationships by boyftriends who demanded this kind of pleasure without giving pleasure to her in return.
Oral satisfaction to finish is a wonderful and intensely fantastic sexual experience but MUST always be mutual. Are you doing your part for an extended period of time to please your woman entirely first? If you learn and practice the delicate art of pleasing a woman orally, you are very likely to enjoy the pleasures of her mutual consideration. It's a two-way street, or should be. But she should get the first dibs on satisfaction.
There is an excellent book about orally pleasing a woman titled "She Comes First" by Dr. Ian Kerner, or you could read writings on this Web site by myself and others by entering the word "cunnilingus" in the search files at the top of these pages.
The point is simply that, if you do your part, she will likely reciprocate with pleasuring you as you would like. You might also ask her what the problem seems to be with you, since she must have admitted her previous experiences.
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