A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm worried my low self estime will make me do something I regret. The only way I can feel good about myself is if a guy wants me. I don't think i'm very pretty so whenever guys at parties try and get with me I always just make out with them because im so pleased to be getting any attention. Its got so bad that sometimes when i feel really depressed about it i literally seriously consider just calling up any guy i know and being like 'lets have sex'. Im not a slut, I just need to feel wanted, but i know its going to end in me doing something i regret - what should i do? Please help xx
View related questions:
depressed, self esteem Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Cupid_or_Stupid +, writes (24 August 2011):
 I know exactly how you feel. I used to (and I sometimes still do) feel like I needed a guy's attention to feel better about myself. I had very little self worth or respect when I was in Secondary school and I often did as I was asked by boys. Naturally, they would often take advantage but I always kept my virginity safe even though, like you, I was so tempted to just jump on the next available guy just to feel special even for a moment. I was dangerous for a number of years because I didn't even realise I was doing it for attention. I just thought it was who I was. So you're lucky you can recognise this for yourself. In my opinion, that's the hardest part over with, admitting it. Next comes finding out WHY this has come about. Mine came from childhood sexual abuse. If you were ever belittled, abused or bullied by anyone it is very likely to have come from that. They make you feel so bad about yourself and different people turn to different things for comfort and reassurance. You and Me turned to the boys and sex. Once you start realising the reasons behind why you do what you do it becomes easier to tackle. You can think "No I only want sex with him because that would make me feel better for ten minutes. Afterwards I would feel worse about myself" which is another point. These guys and the snogs and the shags (if it ever gets that far) are QUICK fixes for a more serious problem. To tackle it head on you might benefit from counciling or therapy. Learning to accept who you are isn't easy. Try looking yourself in the eyes in the mirror every morning and saying "I love you". It is the hardest thing in the world to do for months. I often broke down crying, but remember it's all part of the healing process and it does start working. All this along with normal teenage hormones of a thought process of sex sex sex makes everything ten times harder.Sorry this is so long. I could go on. But remember that these quick fixes only last a few minutes before making everything worse. If you do want me to say more (Which I could - plenty) then you can message me.Good luck :)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2011): You are young, but you have tricked onto the issue yourself, and stated it as clearly as any counselor could."I just need to feel wanted, but i know its going to end in me doing something i regret - what should i do?"It will end in you doing a lot of things you will regret, unless you get some help and understand why you feel this way, why you don't feel more self sufficient, and why you have this need that can't be fulfilled in a more rational way."The only way I can feel good about myself is if a guy wants me."Which will lead you down a dark and despairing road of self devaluation, you will feel more and more worthless.You sound like you have been neglected by your father or mother, abused, or traumatized in some other way.
...............................
A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (23 August 2011):
 you have good insight into what is making you behave this way so that means you are part way to solving it. avoid drugs and alcohol though because that will make your common sense fly out of the window and you could well end up doing something that you KNOW you shouldn't.
look at why you have low self esteem - does it stem from family problems? if you do not think you are pretty, just do what you can to improve your appearance, (hair,clothes, make-up) and look after your health coz this will make you look and feel better. don't smoke - this will wreck your looks as will the drugs and alcohol.
be a good friend to your mates or make effort to make new friends if you feel your social life is lacking. attention and time spent with friends is usually more worthwhile than chasing certain lads who may really just want one thing
x
...............................
|
