| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: So I've been hooking up with a guy for the past 6 months. We get together to have sex. I'm pretty crazy so the sex is wild. He's been enjoying it just as much as I have. He was with his girlfriend at the time and had a 7 year relationship, which I knew about. We are old work colleagues and we lost touch a few years ago until I sent him a friend request on Facebook. I was always attracted to him. We started talking and things went from there. He told me he wasn't getting along with her. That she was possessive and controlling and had severe anxiety. I think he was unhappy, looking for an escape. Well we ended up meeting and had sex and never looked back. Fast forward to a month ago. His girlfriend was suspecting him of being unfaithful. And she left him. But I saw some texts on his phone this week, telling her how much he misses her and can't let her go. I see in depth chats about how their day is and things going on in their lives. It seems she now wants him back and wants to try again. I don't know if she now believes he hasn't been unfaithful. My question is why is he talking to her at all, saying he misses her and wants her back when the sex with is wild? Why can't he be with me now instead?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2020): "I think he was unhappy, looking for an escape."
I think he was lying to get to keep having sex with you, but that, in fact, they were fine together until she found out about you and now that she has, he is frantically trying to get her back, because she means more to him than the 'wild sex' with you.
Just because a man tells you that his relationship isn't going well, it doesn't mean that that's true. In fact it's hardly ever true! He wanted to keep you on side so you would keep giving it up for him, but in reality his relationship was fine. Well, for him it was. For his poor girlfriend, not so much.
A
female
reader, RenRansom68  +, writes (7 August 2020):
 While sex is great, there's a lot more to consider. It can seem exciting, no strings sex but honestly, I feel like this guy has not gotten rid of his girlfriend and is enjoying both of you. If he was that unhappy in his relationship, he should leave it instead of dragging you into the situation. You deserve more than this guy and his pity party, leave and move on with your life, you owe it to yourself.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (6 August 2020):
 Sex doesn’t mean anything.
I’ve had great sex with people over the years and desired absolutely nothing more than that. It doesn’t make you want to be with someone, there is much more to a relationship than sex.
It seems your arrangement is based just on this. It sounds like you have a FWB scenario going on. If he wanted to be with you, he would be! This one isn’t going anywhere, you’re wasting your time and energy.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (5 August 2020):
 Because there is more to a real relationship with a future than "wild sex". There needs to be trust, companionship, respect and love for starters. You can't spend all your time in bed.
Also, some men believe women who engage in "wild sex" are not "girlfriend material". Not saying it's right, just saying that's the way some see it. I've known a number of guys who had very definite ideas about what type of women were "bonking material" and what type were "girlfriend material". Seldom was there much, if any, overlap between the two types.
So, while you may be a pleasant distraction, you are not someone your guy wants to have around long-term. Do yourself a favour and find someone who wants you completely, not just as a sex toy.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (5 August 2020):
 In the nicest possible way: what on earth did you expect? You’re the sex on the side. You deliberately had sex with a guy who wasn’t single.
Wild sex doesn’t mean he wants you. You give him some mild entertainment when he wants sex and he could get that from anybody; you are just the easiest and have no morals about him not being single.
I think you need a bit of a reality check. Why do you care what’s happening in his relationship? You didn’t care when you started. Why now? Feelings? You won’t get those from him because you laid yourself out for him to use as a free sex buddy - nothing more.
He’s a cheater and you’re a mistress. If you got with him, neither of you could trust each other. Karma is also something to remember; what happens when you’re in love with someone and they find someone like you who is happy to sleep with someone who isn’t single?
What happens when you’re the one being cheated on? Do you think you’ll grow some compassion and empathy for the woman whose relationship you had a hand in ruining?
I know this will sound harsh, but you need to wake up. You need to check your moral compass and stop having contact with this guy. Find a single guy and hope you don’t get cheated on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2020): Even a man (who often values casual sex more than a woman) cannot base a serious or long term relationship purely on sex. Did your mum not tell you this when you were a teenager?
Take whatever he has told you about his girlfriend with a huge pinch of salt. I very much doubt she was full of anxiety, he does not sound the sort who would have hung around for long if she was. Maybe she ended it with him and then forgave him for whatever and he was waiting for permission to be in her life again. In the meantime he might as well get his end away somewhere where it is handed on a plate and easy at no cost.
As for you saying it is wild sex. So what? If he is good at sex, young and good looking , normal and nice he can get that off his girlfriend or plenty of other women.
What sort of woman wants a man who is with her just for sex anyway? Do you not have some depth to you? Are you not a bit more discerning and picky? I had plenty of men after me just for sex when I was young, I got sick of it,
even now, when much older, I get it. It is not a compliment. It is the same as saying I am some sort of blow up doll, or prostitute, just there to entertain him.
Where would this man be if you were seriously ill? Where would he be if you were very upset? Where would this guy be if he had a choice to spend a normal day with you or a friend or his family? He would be gone. And only come to you when he wants to get his rocks off. If a younger or better model came along he would dump you for her.
This is not a relationship. You cannot get a man to be your partner/ lover/boyfriend/fiance by sleeping with him. It takes a lot more than that.
Some men will think nothing of dumping or cheating on a woman they live with and have a long history and kids with. So what you had with him was nothing. You need to think far more carefully about who you are intimate with and why.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2020): Cuz that's what cheating-dudes do! They sometimes get bored, and purposely cause a rift in their relationship; so they can breakup. They'll enjoy a little freedom, boink a few random-women on the rebound; and like the lost-dog who jumped the fence, they'll want to go home. They hump a few unfamiliar-legs, sniff a few smelly-butts and crotches; then being loose and free wears-off. He'll find his way home. With his head hung, and his tail between his legs. He'll show-up wet from the rain, flea-bitten, with his saddest puppy-eyes; and will be welcomed back with open-arms!
So he thinks!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 August 2020):
 Because the sex with you is just entertainment.
There is no depth between you. You were someone from his past that he got to bang. It's fun and exciting but not what he truly wants long term.
The EX-GF for all her "faults" is who he thinks he wants to be with.
You are just a side dish, not the main course. The fact that he cheated with you on her, probably also adds to WHY he isn't just focused on you. He knows you are capable of cheating with him, so probably also ON him.
I'd wish him well and move on to someone WHO is single.
You being a great bed partner means little in the bigger picture.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (4 August 2020):
 Because as harsh as it may sound, yes the sex with you is wild, but he still has indepth feelings for the woman he spent over seven years with.
He is talking to her because he still has feelings for her, feelings that stem to more than just wild sex. By your own admission you say that he saw it as an escape, and that is exactly what it was for him.
I know its hard, but i don't think you should invest anymore time in him, its never going to be anything more between the pair of you other than just wild sex.
I think you should forget about him and move on with your life.
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