A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have had a difficult relationship history. I changed cities and changed boyfriends in my 20's - atleast 4 of them. These were men who really liked me and I left them. I was dumped twice by two similar Casanova-type of men in between, which made it difficult for me to trust men. I am still in touch with one of them but not romantically involved anymore. After the second guy dumped me 5 years ago, I met a nice guy online and married him quickly. It was a combination of pressure and desperation. After 4 years into the marriage, I realized that I had cheated on my husband a few times and wasn't really attracted to him. We had very little in common and didn't talk much. I was thinking about divorce when I met another Casanova sorts at a friend's wedding. Only this time it was worst because I was in a bad spot with my husband, and he already had a girlfriend. I thought we connected and we had an amazing 4 months. But then he started spending more time with his gf trying to work things out with her. I was devastated and told the gf he had been cheating on her. Now he doesn't talk to me and my husband has moved on or is avoiding me. I feel lonely and depressed. I don't know what to do.
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cheated on my husband, depressed, divorce, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 June 2017):
 Your poor husband, stop feeling sorry for yourself and realize that you are hurting lots off people around you. You probably broke your husbands heart and if that wasn't enough you went and hurt some innocent girl by telling her you where sleeping with her boyfriend. Learn to be happy on your own and stop hurting innocent people.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 June 2017):
 For one, GET that divorce over with. Your husband doesn't deserve this. You need to set him free instead of hurting him over and over because YOU aren't satisfied with yourself and your life.
So get that sorted and do it ASAP.
After that, maybe you need to focus on yourself a while. FINd things that MAKE you happy. Get YOURSELF in order. A man can't do that for you. You have tried it a few times to use men as "fillers" for an unsatisfied life. It's like peeing your pants in winter to keep warm. It's warm for a few seconds and after that? all regrets!
And maybe YOU need to look at yourself a bit, your own behavior.
You have no standards when it comes to men, as long as you get to "feel" something. You CHEAT on your husband to be with a man who was UNAVAILABLE and had a partner. Double whammy! How is ANYTHINg healthy going to come of that? It's not. And you have to live with the results of having HURT people. Your husband AND the man's GF.
I think you see yourself as a "low-value" woman and it shows in your actions. You go for "low-value" men and end up depressed because things don't turn out as you had imagined. If you keep selling yourself short and SKIMP on moral obligations and core values as well as having a standard... you will KEEP chasing something that you will never catch. THAT is why you need to start with a divorce and clean slate.
I have to ask HOW would you have felt if your husband was out there cheating (if you actually gave a shit about him)? How would that feel?
The reason you feel "depressed" is because you keep SABOTAGING your own life and happiness.
Think about it.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (12 June 2017):
 You need to clean up your mess. Get a divorce. Spend some time single and learn to be happy on your own. If you're always miserable about being single, you'll keep dating dodgy guys because you're desperate.
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