A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing this guy for a couple of months but I have known him about 2 years. I started off being wary of him (for various reasons relating to the past 2 years) but he made a really big effort to tell me he was serious about where the relationship was going and hadn't been so excited about anything in a while. I really like spending time with him but something is nagging me. I have worried (maybe over-thought) since the beginning that he wasn't actually as invested in this as he made out. He does text me every single day. But a couple of weeks ago we were both off work and so didn't see each other for a week. I liked the texting whilst we were away from each other but assumed that once we were back in the same place it'd be a given that we'd want to spend time together. It's been 2 weeks since we last saw each other and he hasn't tried to make plans. He did have a half-hearted attempt once but then never followed through on it. I called him out on this, saying that if he's going to suggest something he should at least be polite enough to cancel, confirm or rearrange it, not just leave it hanging. He apologised for this but... still didn't ask to see me. I just don't get the point of messaging all the time if we're never going to spend any time together - he can message anybody! I thought he wanted to move forward with the relationship and now I'm unsure. It affects how I interact with him when I'm forever wondering if he's mentally checked out and I think I should probably be assertive and talk to him but I'm not sure what to say. I don't want to rock the boat too much if there's actually nothing wrong and I'm being paranoid.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2017): From my experience, whenever a guy was like that, it didn't work out. If he really was interested, serious, committed, then he'd want to see you, make the effort, make plans, etc. His actions shouldn't make you feel confused.
Whatever it is, he's distracted and not putting in the effort, and he should know he'll lose you. Move on. Don't make it complicated on your end.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2017): Just basing it off of what you've mentioned, he doesn't sound interested. It's like he's just stringing you along, or he's distracted with something else.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 June 2017):
 Honestly?
Don't "test" people. Watch and pay attention to them instead. And try to follow the "golden rule" of giving NO more than you get (at least until you know where you both stand).
Have YOU tried to set something up? Give him a couple of days notice - like for the weekend and GO out and DO something, not just "hang out". If he can't make it that is OK, but then you can tell him that he can try and arrange next meetup. That way you have at least given him a chance to meet and spend time together in person. It shouldn't JUST rest on him to arrange dates.
As for why he is OK with just text? Because he is NOT as invested as he claimed to be. Seriously, he had a whole week of work, didn't go on holiday but couldn't find ANYTHING to do with you? Sounds like he is lazy when it comes to relationships. He does the BARE minimum so he can get attention (texts) and perhaps occasional sex?
SAYING you are serious, that you WANT a real relationship is one thing another is to SHOW it - actions DO speak louder than words. And well, as USUAL, word are cheap. It's EASY for him to say:" Oh I'm serious about you blah blah blah"... but when you add the lack of ACTIONS to follow that up... what do you get? You get a bag of empty words.
Here is another thought. The REASON you were wary of him is that you KNOW him. You have seen how he has conducted previous relationships. YOU need to LISTEN to that GUT instinct if it tells you:" I don't know how serious he really is"...
I wouldn't talk to him about it just yet. I would try and set up a date with him and see what comes of it. If nothing comes, I'd just let him know that you don't think you and he will work in a relationship as you want to spend more time in person with someone you are dating. That texting simply isn't enough. And then I would look elsewhere for a guy to date. HE isn't going to change.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (12 June 2017):
 If you're even having to ask this question I think you already know where he's at.
If he wanted to see you he would make it known. Don't forget that effort is both ways though, why can't you ask to see him?
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