A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:okay, well i have this girl bestfriend that ive known for about two years now. when i first met her, i was dating this other girl i thought i was in love with. during that time, i never really payed attention to my bestfriend yet. i never paid any attention to any girl other than the one i was dating. i guess you could say i was blinded by love. well the thing is that the girl i dated was rumored around the school to have sex with alot of different guys. she seemed really nice and i thought maybe the rumors arent all true and even if they were, it wouldnt bother me too much as long as she wouldnt cheat on me. i dont know how i ended up being in love with her, but thinking back, i realized i was just infatuated when i first started dating her. well the first several weeks of dating her, everything was great. she was a great girlfriend and i had no problems or arguments with her. it was a months later when i realized she had sex with one of her ex boyfriends in one of the schools restrooms. i was very disappointed at that time, but i never felt alot of pain. i guess this is because i havent really loved her yet. she was crying when i started questioning about when she had sex with her ex and she was literally begging me to stay with her. i decided to give her another chance. yeah that sounds foolish doesnt it? i thought i had a good relationship with her aside from that one time cheating and maybe she really loved me and regretted what she did or else she wouldnt be begging me. after time, i felt i really grew to love her, and a few more months, i found out that she had two guys come over to her house and had sex with her again. this is when it really started tearing me apart. i asked myself, why would she do this to me. doesnt she love me and care about how i feel? when i told her that i found out the truth, she seemed very stress and kept shutting me out without explaining anything to me. we broke up, but after about 2 weeks, we got back together. i know i know, that was very retarded of me. well since then, i started being insecure and got needy. i questioned alot of things that she did and we broke up many times, she ended up dating other guys for 2 weeks in between the time we break up. she even ended up dating my brother. i knew it has long been time for me to move on and i tried, but its hard. everytime she had a problem, she would come crying to me and tell me that she needs me. i couldnt get over her like that... throughout that whole time, that girl who would soon become my bestfriend continuously tried to convince me to leave my girlfriend and helped me get over my girlfriend. a year later, she became my bestfriend and i was still with my girlfriend. my best friend had a boyfriend as well, but he wasnt exactly a good boyfriend. i would see my bestfriend crying over the messed up things her boyfriend did. my bestfriend and i were there for each other through alot and when it was my birthday, she even cooked me a cake for my birthday which was never celebrated. it was really nice of her. shes really the kindest and sweetest girl ive ever met. i thought she was a very good girlfriend to her boyfriend and that he doesnt know how to cherish her. after time, i realized how beautiful my bestfriend is and she started to seem attractive to me too, but i havent had any feelings for her more than a friend yet i think. then one day after a period of time of not seeing my best friend, i was talked to her about maybe moving out with my girlfriend to go to the same college with my girlfriend, i noticed that something bothered my bestfriend. i really dont know how but i had the feeling that she might have some sort of feeling for me. she didnt tell me but i somehow figured it out and asked her if she liked me a little more than a friend. it turns out i was right and she wanted me to tell her how i felt. at that time i hadnt grown feelings of more than a friend for her yet and i told her that i was really happy to know that she felt that way about me. it wasnt like anything couldve happened though, she really stuck by her boyfriend and even told him about how she felt. she constantly told me that, she wished her boyfriend could be more like me and that im an amazing person to her.after about 2 months, i did grow feelings for my best friend and it made me realized there are really alot better girls in this world and i shouldnt hang on to my horrible girlfriend. i broke up with my girlfriend and i told my bestfriend my feelings. she seemed happy to hear that from me too, but then she told me she had a boyfriend and that she couldnt have feelings as any more than a friend for me. i was okay with it and i felt happy enough just being her bestfriend. however, after a short period of time, i would see her cry in school about the messed up things her boyfriend did again and i felt very uneasy inside. well, i actually felt that i wish i could be her boyfriend to treat her better instead. the more i see her crying because of him, the more i felt hurt inside. a month later though, my ex girlfriend came running back to me again telling me all these feelings that she still felt for me. i really dont know why but i got back to the habit of going back to my her. she ended up cheating on me and we break up like usual. i was really hurt again and i went to my bestfriend to tell her about it and find comfort. my bestfriend turned out to be disappointed with me for going back to my ex. my bestfriend also felt like i used her and then she ended up telling her boyfriend all the things and feelings i told her. as a result, my bestfriend's boyfriend wanted her to stop talking to me.during the time i didnt talk to either my ex girlfriend or my bestfriend, i realized that i really dont need my ex girlfriend at all. what i needed was my bestfriend. she was always there for me and cared for me even more than my ex did. i felt like having my bestfriend is way more important to me than my ex and i would give anything to get my bestfriend back. i completely got over my ex during that time as i realized i wasnt really in love with my ex.after about a week, my bestfriend just decided to start talking to me once again. i was really happy to have my bestfriend back, but a few more weeks later, i told her i that i love her as i started realizing more about my own feelings. she started taking my feelings into consideration and show some feelings for me that are more than just something between bestfriends, but she thought that that was bad and unfaithful to her boyfriend. my bestfriend was also in an on and off relationship with her boyfriend and whenever they broke up, i was able to spend more time with my bestfriend and feel closer to her. except when she does get back with her boyfriend, it hurted me a little. i dont know why it should hurt me, i thought i should be happy for her. i really hated myself for letting that hurt me. i really hoped my bestfriends boyfriend would change and start treating her better after they get back together so i dont see her cry anymore. however, nothing ever changes between them and i end up seeing her sad and crying again. she would ask me for advice and want me to tell her what she should do about her feelings for me and her feelings with her boyfriend. she told me she doesnt know if she should give me a chance because what if shes throwing away her relationship with her boyfriend and i dont turn out to give her as much love as him. she asked me if it was worth leaving her boyfriend for me... of course i knew what i wanted to tell her. i wanted to tell her to leave that guy because she has already gave him so many chances and that she should give me a chance and that ill make sure giving me a chance would be worth it. i wanted to tell her that i could show her more love than her boyfriend. BUT... i never told her any of that. i kept it all inside because i thought it would be selfish of me. what i did tell her is that i dont wanna tell her how to make her decisions. well she ended going back to him and he told her he doesnt want her talking to me anymore. so she told me she had to stop talking to me and for me to not talk to her. i was really in pain... i just didnt feel like i was the reason to ruin her relationship with that guy even though he wasnt a good boyfriend. i thought he was a jerk. i remember the time when i was still just her bestfriend, i bought her a watch for Christmas and then her boyfriend was like "ooh nice watch, can i see it?" and then purposely drops it. i wish i could tell her to break up with the guy already, but shes my bestfriend and i couldnt say that. there was also a time when her boyfriend gave her a necklace and then one day she came to me crying holding her neck. it was red and i asked what happened. she told me her boyfriend got mad and yanked the necklace right off her neck. yeah, the dude has anger issues as well... he broke her ipod, her camera, and her cell phone because he got mad, but she constantly tells me that he isnt a bad person. if i told her how i felt about him, wouldnt that make me a bad friend? i wish shed snap out of it and realized some things, but she says that because she loves him, shes willing to accept his flaws. it hurts me alot when she tells me that. what hurts even more is that when her boyfriend does make her cry now, she starts ignoring me and shutting me out now. she even stayed home away from school and i felt like im just out on a corner in the pouring rain...anyways, after she got back to him and he told her to stop talking to me, she stopped, but several days later she started talking to me again. i was really glad to be able to talk to her once again, but this caused her to have more problems with her boyfriend and she ends up crying again and they break up again. i started to feel like i should keep my love for her contained so that she doesnt have anymore problems with boyfriend. except i know inside that her boyfriend still wouldnt change and i really dont think he deserves her with the way her treats her. my bestfriend told me that she doesnt wanna lose me and she seemed to really decided to not go back to her boyfriend anymore. i got to spend more time with her. it felt as if we were more than bestfriends now. except a few weeks later in school, i saw her kissing her boyfriend again and it really tore me apart. i got confused about why she would keep going back to him. i decided ill really just be her bestfriend and support her with whatever decisions she make and i started dating this other girl. when i told her about it the next day, i noticed that the eyes of my bestfriend started getting wet and red. she kinda didnt wanna talk to me for a while and i just stayed quiet. later that day, i told her that i had broke up with my new girlfriend. she told me she was disappointed with me and that she had expected better from me. she said said she felt played, but i felt like i was the one played the whole time. i hated seeing her sad, and about everything i do, i do while thinking for her. several days later, we talked and everything was better again. she told me that this time shes giving her boyfriend just one last chance and for me to slap some senses into her if she thinks about giving him another chance afterwards. of course i couldnt slap a her but well yeah i agreed to it. it sounded okay and i really hoped that he would change and cherish her with his last chance. if i dont end up with her, ill be heart broken but ill go back to the girl that i broke up recently with and fix things. everything was going well, and then one day, i found out she had sex several times with her boyfriend already and that that was what makes leaving him hard. that tore me apart more than anything ive ever felt in my life. i never knew any of that throughout all the time ive known her and it really surprised me. i told her sex shouldnt be the reason why shes staying with him and she kinda got mad at me. she told me that it was more than just sex to her and that she doesnt regret anything. yeah i know that it isnt just sex to her, i only meant to say that you shouldnt stay with someone and suffer through whatever just because you had sex with them because you loved them. i felt sick and wanted to wished that she was joking, but it didnt change how i felt for her at all. i got over it eventually. before school was over, things didnt work out with my bestfriend and her boyfriend again. during lunch, i didnt see her and when i went outside to look for her, i found her sitting behind a wall crying while holding her broken cell phone. i didnt know what to say, i just sat next to her. eventually, i cheered her up sometime. im known to her as a someone who can always cheer her up with things. after that time, she was determined to let go of her relationship with her boyfriend. our feelings started growing even stronger for each other and school was over, we started dating. she and i did really well and even her girl bestfriends tell me theyve never seen her this happy before. for me, i certaintly havent been as happy in my life for as far back as i can remember. she promised me so many things. she said she loved me and that she wanted to be with me forever. *sigh* but then after several weeks, she started telling me that she misses her boyfriend again... then one morning, she told me about a night mare that she had. she hesitated to tell me about it, but convinced her that since i was her boyfriend, we dont have to keep things from each other. so she started telling me it was of her in her room. she had just got through breaking up with me and she closed her laptop. she turned around and her boyfriend was there. she told him she doesnt think she wants him like that anymore. then he started getting mad and yelling. she wanted to calm him down so she held him. he took off his clothes and she said that shes use to knowing that everytime he takes off his clothes, she would take off hers so in her dream she did too. she laid there with him and then he took an object from her and started hitting her and yelling that the object was the only reason why he came there.i was dying inside hearing that dream. im sure all guys who love a girl like i do and would know how it feels to hear about their girlfriend doing sexual things with another guy... anyways, she kept trying to talk to her ex boyfriend to fix things. she said she doesnt wanna leave him feeling like she doesnt care about him. what do you guys think about that? why would she need to do that right? well she kept trying, and her ex boyfriend only yells at her and cusses back at her. she ends up crying and hurt because of the things he say. i told her i dont forbid her from talking to anyone but i really dont think she should talk to him if he keeps acting like that. she continuously tell me that shes worried her ex boyfriend might do stupid things or hurt himself and she wants to check up on him. i just didnt know what to say and i guess i agreed to it. everytime she talked to him, i felt her growing further away from me. one morning, he made her cry again and she promised not to talk to him anymore and declared that she wont cry over another guy ever again. eventually, she continued talking to him and that shes confused about her feelings for me. she no longer said the words "i love you" to me anymore even when i say it to her. i didnt wanna pressured her so i never said anything about it although i was hurting like never before inside. she finally told me that she isnt being a good boyfriend and that shed understand if i leave her. i told her i had made my promises and that i would never leave her, and that if she wants to leave me, she could leave me, but im never gonna be the one leaving her. then she reassured me saying this: "how can I make you understand that just like you I'm not going anywhere, I wouldn't want to ruinsomething as beautiful as what we have. I didn't mean to worry you last night nor I should I had, but you know I don't want to keep anything from you and I'm being as honest as possible with you.But like I said, I'm not changing my mind about you and Specially not because of past experiences.You're incredibly unbelievably amazingly awesomeThank you for everything sweety. "i felt alot better but i was still worried about me and her a little. a few days later, she just tells me that she needs some time alone. except i find out that shes out seeing her ex boyfriend all day. from morning til late at night. i tried to call her that night, but she wouldnt answer my calls at all. the day, she tells me she told me that she had told me she needed time alone to fix things. she told me she went out with her ex all day though, thats how i knew. she started talking to me less and it was hard to even get a hold of her. she never told me that we broke up, but thats what she told her friends. it was sad how we had even planned to spend the day with each other before i went left for a one week cruise too... soon, i had to go on the cruise with my family. i was kinda foolish to be thinking about her the whole time and missing her. i even looked for jewelry and things to buy her. when i got back, she seemed to care about me more than before i left. we went to the movies the next day and we were really close. she asked me what are we now as in what is our relationship to each other. i said i didnt know... the next day she told me that while i was on the cruise, she had been seeing her boyfriend and that they made out and sex happened one day when she let him into her house although she said it was unintended. my pain only grew worse and worse. she started growing apart from me even more and i tried hard to maintain everything. its like shes mad at me for the guilt she feels from the things she did to me. i was hurt so much. i trusted her more than anyone and we were such great bestfriends. i still see her as one even after we broke up but shes really pushing me away. ive never been through so much pain...well thats my story... i know its long, but if you someone actually does read it, please feel free to be open and express whatever opinions. id like to hear anything :) i already know that most people are gonna tell me to get over her and find someone else but, ive known her for so long and she was my bestfriend. its hard to replace anyone like that even if it is possible. sooo... any advices or what to do?
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best friend, broke up, christmas, ex girlfriend, get back together, got back together, her ex, insecure, kissing, move on, my ex, period Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questiongeez, i just noticed that it says "female, age 16-17" well just to be clear, im a guy not a female. i have no idea why it says that.
anyways, to reply to the anonymous reader, i do tell her how i think of her ex boyfriend though. i use to didnt but after i went out with her, i started to be more open about how i feel. she isnt going back to her ex anymore because recently she found out that he had sex with another girl. she realized how he didnt honor the things they both promised and right now shes trying to get over him. i talked to her earlier to. she wants to just stay out of any relationships right now and be friends. she also said she has a little bit of hope with us getting back together again, but she always said that she doesnt believe someone could love another person forever. shes kinda naive, but im determined to be strong to prove her that someone could love another person and be there forever. ill stay as her bestfriend and keep my feelings inside til shes ready for a relationship again.
the only thing im worried about is that she told me she cant assure me anything and that itll be risky for me to wait. she said shed understand if i hooked up with other girls as well. i have alot of doubt, but my bestfriend really isnt like my ex before her. shes really kind but naive. i wanna be there for her no matter what even if it means a best friend. what do you guys think about that idea? i know if she ends up with another guy, ima be more devastated though... i cant show her this question. i dont think her mind is okay right now to know all these feelings of mine in one moment.
A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE  +, writes (23 July 2009):
 If you live long enough many people will come and go in your life when their there cherish them when there gone remember them. You seem like you desperately need someone in your life, constantly accepting people back in to your life that have let you down. Its time you start focusing on you what do you want for your future, also your just a kid enjoy your childhood stop trying to save the world and solve all these peoples problems just live your life have some faith and learn to let go, Friends push you forward not hold you back, friends bring you up not down. good luck
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A
male
reader, xnickx +, writes (23 July 2009):
 Well that certaintly was long, but as someone who writes 1000+ word questions i felt obligated to answer it, because id want someone to answer mine.Well reading through it, you made a good choice getting rid of your ex that kept cheating on you, and from the sounds of it, shes much better off without her ex that had anger problems.I've had a relationship that ended similarly to this, although with out much background. I'll tell you i ended up breaking up with her, and havent seen her again.IF you decide to let her go, remember there are other people out there. Of course seeing as how this is your best friend, it may be difficult.Im not sure exactly what to tell you yet, but ill sleep on it and give you an answer later. hope everything works out in the best interest.Until then,Nick
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2009): right - that was a real life story there.Im gunna give you my opinions but you have to write back and tell me if you take my advice and if you do take it then tell me what happenedok - only you know whether this would be a good thing to do but you need to tell her how you feel. and i know that is the usual typical answer and the hardest possible part about that is thinking what to say - well- you have already written it down. Maby show her that life the wuestion you have just written. there is soo much of it that this obviously means a hell of a lot to you. let her read it and then she will know exactly how you feel about her and how you have interpreted the things she has done and how they have affected you. if you show her this and she still decides that she doesnt see you two having a future as a couple then she doesnt know she has been born - then (im about to say the words you really dont wanna read) you really do need to try your absolute best to get on with your life, get over her, find someone else and enjoy your life :)YOU HAVE TO SAY WHAT HAPPENS!good luck
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