A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 20 and so is my friend. We are both in college, and we have been friends for about a year. I’ve had a thing for him for almost that long. I kept quiet about it for a while, but then in the spring I asked him what his feelings were. He wasn’t interested, but we continued being friends, no problem.I am not over this, although I pretend to be. He doesn’t seem to feel awkward around me, but I can’t relax around him. It’s like some part of my brain is still hung up on the rejection, trying to process it. I can’t make the crush go away, and it’s weird, because I normally NEVER get crushes. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even feel good being around him anymore. I’m like a sad, pathetic addict. Being around him, especially having his attention, gives me a big temporary high, but afterwards, nearly every single time, I feel horrible. It’s not because of anything he’s said or done, but just because I know it’s never going to go anywhere, I will always have to keep my feelings hidden and they will never be returned. I don’t know how to deal with this. This guy is one of the better friends I’ve made at college and I don’t want to lose the friendship. But no matter what I do or how I try to talk myself out of it, every time I see him or talk to him, it leaves me miserable (and he has no idea). I’ve taken to sometimes avoiding him, but then I feel like an awful friend, not to mention I miss him when I don’t see him for a long time. I just want a way to be friends with him without hurting all the time but I don’t know if that’s possible.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2012): Ok now imagine that he loved you and you loved him but you could never be together. Try pretending and forgetting then. That's where I am right now and thats what I have to do every week. You just be the best friend you can and don't feel bad about anything. He is the one missing out on having a great girl like you. You be a friend and lose the guilty feelings. You need to just say to yourself "He didn't want to have a relationship with me because he loves having me as a friend and doesn't want to risk ruining that." You will find someone else and it will make it easier. You just need to realize that feelings are just feelings they change, the come and go. You don't have anything to feel bad about.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both for your answers.@crazyy001: I think maybe you misinterpreted what I was asking (or maybe I didn't state myself clearly enough). I am NOT trying to force him to like me or anything of that sort. The last thing I want to do is make him uncomfortable and that's why I am trying so hard to keep my feelings hidden. He doesn't act awkward with me or try to avoid me at all so I don't think I can be acting "scary" as you say; in fact, I'm not even sure he knows how I feel at all, and I would prefer to keep it that way.@Anonymous: You're right that avoiding him would do the trick, but I can't force myself to do that; I like him too much as a person and as a friend. Would telling him the truth really do any good though? As I've said, the last thing I want to do is make him uncomfortable. I'm not sure what good "coming clean" would do except to make us both feel awkward. I also can't think of anything much scarier... I have a very hard time vocalizing my feelings, it makes me feel so vulnerable. I have already told him how I feel once, it was very difficult to do, and (it seems to me) I made a fool of myself because he did not feel the same. I feel like now the only thing I can do to regain my dignity is to hide my feelings and act like I am completely over the whole thing.
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A
female
reader, crazyy001 +, writes (18 November 2012):
you need to relax my sweet, you need to learn how to breath the air around him without being naughty, sound like he only see you as a "friend" not as a girl friend you can't really force someone to like you like that thats "scary" You will definitely going to ruin the friendship acting the way you do, sorry to say this but you have to find someone else the faster the better so you can focus on him & less stress for you...good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2012): I think there are two ways to deal with it.First option is to avoid the person and cease communication. I think that if you can commit to this you can move on successfully from your feelings for him, but at the price of losing his friendship and companionship. I know because I tried it, but I gave up because I realized I missed her friendship too much. The second option is to be brave and talk with him honestly about how you are feeling. It will probably feel awkward and nerve-wracking because you don't know how he'll respond. Be sure to emphasize how much you value his friendship and that you're telling him because you want to preserve your friendship. Hopefully if you are both honest with each other and trust each other, you can work through this difficult situation and make your friendship stronger. If he knows how you feel then you can feel less stressed in that you won't feel like your hiding something every time you see him and then break down afterward (at least I suspect so). I hope this works for you.
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