A
male
age
36-40,
*ndiglorex
writes:This is a friendship question. I've been friends with this guy since sixth grade and we're both currently 34 years old. He informed me this past Thursday he was flying in to the States where I just moved (he lives in Mexico) and and asked if I could pick him up from the airport, take him to get vaccinated, then take him to his hotel on Saturday. I told him I couldn't as I had already promised my mom I would take her out to see her aunt that weekend (It's a long drive across state lines), but that we could go out for drinks on Monday. He said he understood and was up for drinks. Monday arrived, WhatsApp was down, so I sent him an e mail. No response. I called him and texted him once Whatsapp was online. No response. And then I noticed he deleted me on Facebook and Instagram and might have blocked me on Whatsapp. Is this a warranted reaction? Am I the bad guy here? I don't know what to do now. He's one of my oldest friends, I even went to his wedding several years ago. I feel bad, but I feel this is an overreaction. Am I wrong? Please give me perspective if I'm not seeing something. Thank you for any help.
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male
reader, Indiglorex +, writes (23 December 2021):
Indiglorex is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for your kind and helpful words. It made me reflect on my friendship with him throughout the years.
In the end, he dropped all contact. It's a real shame because we had been friends for so long, but I did my part in trying to save the friendship by sending him an e-mail, a whatsapp, and even a call two weeks later.
If he doesn't want to be friends anymore over me not wanting to drop everything to be his driver for a day, then so be it.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2021): OP,
"and asked if I could pick him up from the airport, take him to get vaccinated, then take him to his hotel on Saturday"
Based on what you've written, no, I don't see that you have done anything wrong.
Thursday 30th he informs you that he's coming over on Saturday, Oct 2, right?
That's quite a bit short notice, surely, no?
I commend you, OP, for the suggestions you've brought up about meeting up for drinks on a specific day, Monday, and for actually holding yourself to that by making several attempts to contact him.
We used to live in a Volatile, Uncertain, Complex, and Ambiguous world... and COVID has made it exponentially more so in the span of a couple of years. Yet, you held yourself to your word, you emailed, you called, you texted him.
Under those circumstances, again, our Moon escaping its orbit tomorrow notwithstanding, I commend you for starting off with the worth of "I've been friends with this guy since sixth grade and we're both currently 34 years old."
We live in an exponentially more VUCA world, so, it comes with the territory that no one could really tell what, and why, would be the response to your efforts.
The best we can do is to remain true to our values, I guess. Like, from what you've written, you have. Well done.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (8 October 2021):
 Without some indication of the "bigger picture", it is difficult to pass judgement on whether this is an over-reaction to a single incident.
If you have a history of letting him down, then perhaps this was just the proverbial "straw which broke the camel's back". If, on the other hand, you are usually there for him and running around to help him, perhaps he has grown too entitled and now expects you to drop everything to help him, regardless of how inconvenient it might be for you. Does he usually help YOU out if you ask or is it usually just one way traffic?
If the friendship matters to you, I am sure you can find a way of contacting him and asking "Heh, what's going on here?"
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 October 2021):
 Has he always been a bit on the selfish side? The one who likes to dictate everything? Decide what movie to see, where to go, when to meet up?
My guess is, this is who he is. Someone who got SO miffed that you had other plans and didn't just drop everything for him.
Let him cool down.
You are NOT his personal taxi service. Sometimes people have to say:" no can do".
I'd leave him off my social media unless he has a REALLY good explanation when he comes back, and I think he will. Maybe when he needs another favor?
How childish of him.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (7 October 2021):
 I'd say it was an overreaction.
He shouldn't have asked for a ride from the airport to begin with. If he can afford a plane ticket, he can spend the extra few dollars on a taxi. Airports are notoriously busy places, and parking a hassle.
Furthermore, if he did get back in touch, I wouldn't even respond. Completely ghost him. If you reflect back on this friendship, I think you'll realise the signs were there long ago.
Disappointing, but I'd say you're better off without him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2021): It's a bit abrupt and unfair. Then again, he might have been desperate; if he had no other options, was strapped for cash, and couldn't afford to get a cab, Lyft, or Uber. These days, now that travel has picked-up, getting rides isn't quite so easy. There are less drivers available. Fares have skyrocketed in some places!
Without knowing how things have gone on between you in the past, when he needed your help as a friend; on the surface he seems spiteful and hardnosed. I guess he felt just as hurt as you are that you said you couldn't. His overreaction may also have been made out of stress and frustration. This may have been just one too many excuses; or the final letdown. Odd you had no suggestions, or couldn't think of anyone else you could have asked.
I know a lot of people closed their Facebook, WhatsApp, and Instagram accounts after they were down six hours. Rumors and suspicions were flying!
What can you do? He must have felt it's serious enough to end the friendship. I guess you have to respect his decision. He may call later with an explanation. His phone could have been lost or stolen.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2021): Are you sure this isn't just something to do with Facebook/Instagram etc failing on that day? Could you have been blocked/deleted by accident?
If he didn't sound as if he minded at the time, then it does seem strange that he would do such an about turn. IF he did, then he's not worth your friendship and no, you're not the bad guy here.
Wait until he gets in touch and take if from there. If he has turned his back on you for not being available when he wants you to be, what kind of a friend was he in the first place?
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