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female
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*lly
writes: My boyfriend and I have been together for 15 months. I'm 19, he's 20. We were both virgins when we started the relationship and it's also the first real relationship each of us have ever had. We are in love and even though we are both young we reckon it could definitely work long term! The problem: He wants to "play the field", he wants a one night stand with any woman just so that in 40 years time he doesn't regret not having any comparison or experience. He still wants to be with me but he wants this one night at some point in the future with someone else. What do I do? Do I let him? He says it wont be cheating because if I agree then it's fine. I don't want to lose him :(
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male
reader, PsychicHigh +, writes (17 November 2005):
If you let him, good chance it will lead to more than just the one extra experience point. But you yourself are hiding that you want to know what it feels like to be with more than just that one man.
Humans are just curious about everything. But as mentioned, it'll end up being a what-if game.
Just tell him straight out that you want to be banged by another guy, and see how he feels about it.
A
female
reader, D +, writes (17 November 2005):
Be carefull. Do not even think about doing it. I am not suggesting you go yell and shout at him saying that hes putting ur relationship in jeoperdy. What I am saying is, you are both still young. And being curiuos about such things is natural. But, and since you guys have a commitment toward each other, this curiuosity should be fulfilled by you. I suggest you talk to him rationally, think together about the consequences, ask him how would he feel if you thought of doing this. wont he have any fears or concerns? There are thousands of stories out there and i think most oof them ended sadly.Talk to him, and in a nice feminine way convince him that you can fulfil every fantacy he has. You can be the good girl, u can be his next door girl, you can be somene in the street. Dress up for it, act like it and really show him its never going to be a routine, cause it really shouldnt. Be creative and show him you care. IF you are saying he loves you dearly, then I dont think he ll insist. But if he does, then I really think you should be aware, that if it happens once, you will always have ur fear and it will be very difficult for you to trust him again. Not only this, I dont think you ll be able to give him or please him like you are now.
All the luck.
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A
female
reader, shania  +, writes (16 November 2005):
 He is having a laugh.Tell him that ,yes,he can shag about as long as you can shag,tom,dick and harry.Say that when you are 90 yrs old,you would like to compare those experiences and ave no regrets.Wot planet is your fella on? Wot woman is going to allow that? Sweetheart,if i was you,i would give him the heave ho and say that if he wants to play around then your relationship is over. Simple as that.He doesnt love you.
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A
female
reader, wdaft +, writes (15 November 2005):
I think he is wrong to ask such a question. If he loves you, he wouldn't put your relationship in jeopardy like that. What if he really likes his one night stand? Thats a chance I wouldn't be willing to take. Tell him how you feel about the whole situation, he should respect for feelings. If he still wants to do it, I would consider finding someone new because he obviously doesn't have much respect for your feelings. Thats a tough one, you have to make your own decision based on what you want.
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A
female
reader, not again +, writes (15 November 2005):
what he is suggesting is really wrong. what would he think/ do if you suggested you go out and sleep with someone?! He would be insanely jealous just at the thought, and how it would eat at him after the act? It will be no different for you. If you let him do this because "you dont want to lose him" then you have sacrified what wouldve been a healthy relationship. If you are going to let him sleep around then you guys need to go on a break. Maybe you could happily let your boyfriend "cheat" on you (and with your permission!!), but a) it is saying that you're not good enough and b) that you are happy to be in an unequal relationship where you put your boys "needs" ahead of your own happiness/ Maybe you are strong nough to handle the consequences though? good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2005): I had this situation 30 years ago and 30 years on he is in his 4th marriage and I am about to leave my 2nd. He never acted on his wish, but in retrospect we were so honest with each other I never appreciated his honesty and he never appreciated the damage. It is his own sexual curiosity that you cannot blame on him, but he needs to be more mature and consider what matters most, satifying his curiosity, or risking making the one he loves best ... you ... feel betrayed ... and exposed to STIs. Try being more adventurous with him if you are not already, ask him to think if he is being influenced by todays expectations of sexual freedom. I remember we were influenced by daft examples of what was on film at the time such as never having to say you are sorry from "Love Story". He made me feel that our love was never quite up to the perfection of images of the TV. I wasn't allowed to wear furry slippers, or go out without make-up on. If your bf bawks at staying close to you willingly then consider if you will feel the same about him if he does venture a bit.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2005): Now this is a great question! One of the all time dilemmas. If you are a sincere, quality person, out there ostensibly looking for the right person for you and by sheer good luck you happen to find them early before you get any experience- then what do you do. The search should be over at that point but it does leave a lot of 'what-ifs'. But there will always be a lot of what-ifs: "I never had a 3-some", "I'll never sleep with a black woman", "I never had sex with a limber Thai hooker". You can't possibly give a partner license to try everything. Including things that might occur to him later after you are married....I think it would be reasonable to discuss it and see if you could come to an arrangement that limited it around one occurance. You would have to have the same oppertunity of course. And you should be honest with him up front- like no "I know I told him its was ok, but I cant believe he went and did it!". In fact this might be an excellent issue to hash through in couple's counselling to make sure everyone understands the parameters and motovations. Done wrong, this could lead to a lot of suspicion later.
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