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female
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*ovaholic
writes: Dating great guy for 8 months. He broke up with me 4 weeks ago. He was very honest and open with his feelings. He said he just didn't feel like I was the one. He wasn't in love with me enough etc. etc. I agreed since I felt the same. All the right ingredients were there, but something was missing. We both felt love, attraction and friendship, but on a non "firework" kind of way. He said he thought it best to not call each other (we have great sex) and go our separate ways. I agreed. We did run into each other at the gym a couple of times and had casual (uncomfortable) talk. 2 weeks after the breakup he asked me to go out to a club with him...I said no. I did invite him to have breakfast with me the following day however. Breakfast lead to bed! Not a good idea. He texted me the next day and 2 days later, said quick Hi at the gym, then no word for 4 days. So I'm OK, missing him, realizing how not ready for a relationship I was when I met him and trying to move on. One week ago I see him at gym.. We have a longer then usual chat and he finishes by asking me to his company Xmas party. I don't answer. (Too shocked) He calls me next day..casual talk..asks about party again. I don't give an answer. He calls the next night talks for 1 hour (non relationship stuff, just funny and interesting) Text message next day. He leaves for another state..day 2 text mesage day 3 (today) hour long talk while he's driving back from trip..He's very up, I'm very up! (different from usual) Any way, I've been wondering? Could he have a change of heart? I know I do. He's not a game player..We don't want to be f*** buddies or platonic friends..
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2005): OMG - you could be talking about me and one of my exes! We got along really well, had GREAT sex, felt mututal respect and attraction, but it felt like something was missing. All along I would look at him and think "like him more, be in love with him because he is so good and perfect" but I just couldn't manufacture that same spark. We broke up, quite mutually, we both agreed we lacked a certain something. We have seen each other at things and I know I have been tempted to sleep with him, I'm sure from the looks he gives me too that he has thought about it, but each time there is a little something that holds me back, it sounds like the doubt you are experiencing. I know that if I sleep with him, yes, the sex will be fantastic but it will stir up all sorts of confusion and stop me from getting on with finding the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. As nice and great and sexy as my ex is, we broke up for a reason, a good reason, much like you and your ex, and maintained respect for each other. You sound like a really intelligent, attractive person. There is someone really fantastic for you out there and if you are engaging in a purely sexual relationship with your ex, all your energy will not be going to find this amazing person.
A
female
reader, not again +, writes (15 November 2005):
He just broke up with you and told you "you're not the one" and now you think he likes you again? I bet you're a really awesome chick, but please!!!! He'll be missing you and missing the sex. If you get rejected againn you'll feel TWICE as worse. Why did he break up with you if he liked you? If you'd been going out with him for 8 months then he knows what you're like- good in bed, good sense of humour etc... its not like you broke up and now after a few phone converstaions he's suddenly gone- "wow, i never realised how cool she was!!" maybe he is sad to let you go, but guaranteed, as SOOn as you guys go out together again, very soon it'll be like "oh yip, thats why we broke up". Guys always want what they cant get.
Hey, maybe i'm wrong, but if I were you I'd watch my step and date someone who DIDNT want to break up with me!!
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