A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Long Term BF went to a strip club, got a lap dance (2 actually) sat around chatting with the strippers and says it's harmless.Let me give a bit of background, both divorced, in a ltr of 3 years, we've got a great relationship, very direct and healthy communication about everything, fantastic and very frequent sex!I'm a very social person and so is he, when we're out partying and socializing together, we have a blast. I'm a very sexual and am often told i'm "hot" (i'm blushing typing it but want to give you a clear picture)I'm not a typical woman who suffers from jealousy, even have had a few 3somes and more often socialize with women, with or without him. Altho I am burdened with a huge ego lol He went to a city on business where he has some family and arranged to go out for dinner with a few guy cousins, one of them suggested a strip club. He called to ask me if I was good with it and I said I was indifferent. It would be the first time he's gone since we've been together.Here's the thing, I'm now feeling like his going and the fact that he had a lap dance and chatted with the strippers (and I know this cuz he told me all about it), has left me feeling kinda like an idiot (its my ego i know). I realize i'm blowing it out of proportion but can't put it out of my mind that I thought he was better than that ... I would have declined going (if without him) or suggested something else and I certainly wouldn't have gotten a lap dance. I know this would pop into my head the next time I dress up to dress down ;-) and give him a lap dance (which we often do). Any advice, words of wisdom or thoughts?
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cousin, divorce, jealous, lapdance, stripper, threesome Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2008): Well how about you take him to a male strip club, or go there by yourself and say you would like to see how it feels. See his opinion on that.
A
male
reader, indigo  +, writes (31 October 2008):
Don't worry your boyfriend has no chance with a stripper.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2008): I agree with all of the other answers. Totally.
The fact he phoned you shows you have a very good and open (as in honest) kind of relationship and I really think you have nothing to worry about.
At the end of the day, if you do that kind of thing for him (braver than me ... I dress up happily but not brave enough to dance!) then he is a lucky man and he knows it! Plus a night out with cousins? Its what boys do and lots of them not so honest about it.
My boyfriend did the same on a stag do not so long ago and OK, I don't love the thought of some sexy lady being the focus of his attentions, and him paying her for it BUT at the same time, he comes home to me and he only did it then. Like your boyfriend, its not a regular thing. Just something boys do!
I think you are fine and do not worry.
xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2008): Could you please pass this advice on to your fella?
"When caught admiring someone of the opposite sex by Girlfriend. This phrase will save you at on one occasion, however remember to use it sparingly. "I'm just comparing the rest to the best" if this fails follow up with "I Love You and I'm sorry"
Courtesy of Jeff Green's website http://www.A-ZofLivingTogether.com
A very educational website for members of both sexes and very amusing too!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2008): Dear Poster
Calm down; relax. You have nothing to worry about; this guy phoned you asked if he could go; vow, not many guys would have done that; he then came back and told you all about it; he is not hiding anything from you or doing anything secretly behind your back.
He went out with a group of friends and had some innocent fun; don't let this cloud your thoughts or change the open communication in your relationship.
I bet he values the bit of space and the "freedom" you granted him; as many women would not be so liberated and the guys would have done it sneaky and behind there backs;
I am sure it was no big deal to him and he would much rather prefer a lap dance from you; I don't think you should dwell on this; I am sure that to him it was a fun outing with the boys and nothing more.
When he talks about it; laugh with him about it; don't allow this to create doubts or insecurities about your sex appeal and your abilities.
Value and appreciate the trust,honesty and open communication that you share.
Best wishes and lots of smiles.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (31 October 2008):
He rang you for permission and you said "what ever."
I think it's a bit unfair to have expected him to work out that you actually didn't want him to do this.
You go on about how much you love sex and that you are a sexual person - but he goes out and is a sexual man and gets a lap dance and this is bothering you.
I think you are letting your ego give you double standards. I'm not saying you are a horrible person or anything, and I have to stop myself from having double standards all the time.
But just have a think - if the situation was reversed and someone suggested going to a place with male strippers on a night out and you got chatting to them afterwards... would this be as bad as you are making him out to be?
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2008): Let me strongly recomend that if your boyfriend had any intention on keeping it private he would have never tod you all about it. He was probably thinking that my girlfriend is very sexually opened that maybe if I told her she would get off on the situation. You said in your question outline that you sometimes hae 3sums, so I garentee thats what he was thinking. Although you tell yourself, and everyone else that your not the jealous type, you have clearly let your emotions show! You dont want to do that!
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A
female
reader, Reebe +, writes (31 October 2008):
 I don't think you have anything to worry about, he's been honest and has told you all about it. It would be a worry if he hadn't and you'd found out.
For him it probably was a turn on, but given the option he'd chose you everytime.
Try and relax a bit about it, otherwise you might turn it into a bigger problem than it needs to be.
In a couple of months he'll of forgotten all about it, and hopefully so will you.
Good Luck.
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