A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 28 and feel like I want to end my 4 year relationship, but I'm so scared of hurting him I've been putting it off. I have been thinking this for a while but ignored it thinking it would just be a phase, but I know now it isn't. But to him it will probably come out of nowhere and I know he'll be devastated. I know breaking up is never easy for anyone, but I feel so mean and unfair because I'll basically be dropping this bomb on him without any prior warning. Any advice on how to approach this? He's a lovely guy and I love him lots, but he's just not the one. Thanks :( Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (22 July 2013):
 It’ll be a bomb shell no matter how you look at it or deliver it!? :(Sensitive and thoughtful as you are not to hurt him; I find it hard to believe that your boyfriend be oblivious to sensing something amiss within you or the relationship to be devastated, and or be caught totally unaware?My break-up lines start with; this is not working for me… I’m not getting what I need… I don’t see how this is going to work with just one person working at the relationship… After which we both explain and give the reasons why it’s not going anywhere. Naturally my break-up reasons are different to yours.Be that I don’t live with the guy it’s certainly a lot easier than if I were living with them. On the occasion where I was living with someone those are the lines I used. After the emotional fallout dust has settled I then offer to help them move out (as it’s my home). Whereby, I tend to end things amicably.As with any break-up, the last person to know should never be our partner. That is; if the local grocer down the street knows before they do, and he catches wind of it, that would be more devastating than hearing this from you!? Take Care – CAA
A
female
reader, kellyO +, writes (22 July 2013):
 Dear Anom,
The best thing you can do for him now is to be honest and tell him exactly how you feel. It is not your fault and it happens. The more you prolong it the more difficult the situation becomes and your pity might turn to resentment towards him. If he is a lovely guy as you say he deserves the truth, he will hurt as you say but will carry on just like everyone else.
Goodluck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2013): You have to be honest with him as much as possible.
The sooner the better. How to tell without hurting him?
darling,There's nothing you can do, it will really hurt him.
Especially if his so in love with you.
Sad to say, there's no easy way breaking somebody's heart.
Unless he have done something wrong against you that you could use as a reason why you want to break up, Than telling him his not the one.
Just be honest. Tell him why you think his not the one.
Kiss him goodbye and wish him good luck.
Explain to him that you don't want to be unfair with him.
Or let him be the one to break it up with you.
Lets face it, either way someone's gonna hurt somebody's heart.
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