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age
36-40,
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writes: Am a 26 year old lady married with 2 kids. I have everything I want. Am educated/smart, Great hot husband with enough income, 2 amazing kids, lots of sex with my husband but I still can't get over a guy I met 3 yrs ago. He is married too and I know nothing can ever happen between us. We talked a lot and I got to tell him so much about myself than I have ever told anyone else in this world. I would just open up to anything when I was with him. I have been to his house 4 times, out with him twice, we never kissed not touched each other inappropriate. However we did sex texting now and then. Now he went back to his country, only sends me an email once 2months or so. I think of him day and night 24/7, I though it would get better that I will forget him with time but it seems to be getting worse, i haven't seen him in 15months now. I just want him to be there, talk to me or just a cuddle. It's not even about sex, I just want him to be around me, like really badly! It hurts so much because I know it's not possible and it will never happen. I send him very stupid messages when I go out and drink too much and I always regret it the next day. I have taken In to working very hard and watching series a lot just to keep my self busy and forget him. But it's not working. What is wrong with me??? I have everything. Why am I such a mess? I want to forget him so much but am not able to. I just cry and cry because I know I can't be with him. Should I seek counselling? He knows how I feel coz I have told him when I was drunk once. Am so ashamed of myself. Please help me!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2013): everything Jonas mentioned is true and describe your situation. I guess you must know that this guy is not coming back, and even if he did you could not have a future with him. My suggestion is nor different than Jonas' which is cut off all contacts with him. It will take time to get over him and not miss him and have the same feelings for him. I have been in your situation before, and I think a female friend of mine is in the same situation you are in now with me. We r both married and have kids, but can't have each other. All the best.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2013): your having an emotional affair, your in love with this guy emotionally which is not what you have with your husband.This will pass if you try to forget about him and start focusing in your marriage & your beautiful family.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree with with you Jonas, we shared way too much info, from family history , our spouses, our kids and to where we are now. He even introduced me to his buddies the time we went out. I have done most of the things you said wiseman, I pray everyday for the feelings to go away and to forget him. I hug my kids and my husband most times when I think of him. I even ask my husband to hold me tight and he would ask my what's wrong and I just say I don't know I just want him to hold me. Am freaking out and regret this everyday. I never had any physical intimacy with him. Why is this happening? I deleted his number, threw away every small item that reminded me of him. we are not friends on FB but we both just use it when we want to communicate. i wrote down a list of his negative side and have used it for months to remind myself he is not perfect. i feel so horrible and angry at myself. Am definitely being punished! Thank you all for your advice. I really appreciate.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2013): This is a classic case of having your cake and eating it too.
You are unappreciative of what you have. You got yourself hooked on cheating. Carrying on a secret relationship behind your husband's back.
You're taking your husband's love and trust for granted. He thinks everything is okay. The kids think everything is okay. Mom sits around thinking about some guy who is nothing but a secret fantasy and a plaything.
The hormone dopamine is released when you become addicted to something. It is a feel-good hormone. It is released when we're with a lover, good friend, family, or when we abuse drugs and/or alcohol. You tended and cultivated your affair with this guy until he became a habit. Now he is fixated in your mind, and has become an obsession. That is your karma for breaking your vows and betraying your marriage.
All is not lost. Although you suffer silently. Like any grief or withdrawal from any drug, it hangs heavy on the heart. Focus your love and attention on your husband and children. Repeat the following affirmations in your mind when he dominates your thoughts:
I love my husband. HE is my heart. The father of my beautiful children. I will forsake him for no other.
I will not give in to my fantasies. My life is my reality.
I am a blessed woman. I have a good life.
Say these every-time he becomes a stubborn thought. Get busy; or go find your husband and have a talk. Go hug your babies. Pray, meditate, whatever you have to do to push the thoughts out of your head.
The thoughts fade in time. Just retrain the brain. Remember that you have someone in your life who grew a family and helps you to make a good home. Consider how fortunate you are. It can all be lost in the blink of an eye.
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