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My long distance girlfriend says she loves me, but isnt IN love with me

Tagged as: Gay relationships, Long distance, Online dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 October 2007) 6 Answers - (Newest, 30 October 2007)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My fiancee and I broke up two months ago so she could figure out what as wrong and why she wasn't feeling the same way she had when we started dating. We were together for four years and also long distance relationship, but we visit each other twice a year, every year and talk every day. We helped and saved each other in teh beginning and we were both in messed up places in our lives. I'm her first real long lasting meaningful relationship.

Now, she comes online one day and tells me she's been thinking and all about her doubts. And that she knows she loves me but she doesn't know if she's IN love with me. I know I'm in love with her and this issue hurts, but...could it be she only loved me cuz i helped save her life? Or maybe she just needs time to settle her heart and head. What do you think?

View related questions: broke up, fiance, long distance

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Like i said, this issue is closed. I'm not going to wait my life for her but it also sucks if she comes back later and I'm with someone else.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007):

The first response was really good by jackie.

sometimes as much as it hurts in the thought of losing the one you love you have to let go if she wants open relationship let her go and if she does not come back to you it was'nt meant to be.

Start dating other women and it will heal the wounds,I hope this helps comes from years of experience,:)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2007):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Yeah i have, this is over. Thanks all.

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A female reader, JackieR United Kingdom +, writes (21 October 2007):

JackieR agony auntTell me, is that what you really want?? Is this 'open relationship' one way traffic, or do you get to date people too?? Going by what you say, you love this girl too much to watch her date others, but i think you are just putting up with it because you don't want to loose her.

I think you both have come to the end of the relationship, the quicker you realise this the sooner you can move on with your life and to find someone who suits your needs better. I know this is the last thing you want to hear, but she wants to move on too but can't face telling you and maybe she wants to hang on to you incase these dates don't work out, you are her comfort blanket!!

Please see this relationship with fresh eyes, take the rose tinted glasses off, and say goodbye, because if you put up with this 'open relationship' it will destroy any self respect you have for yourself and each other and you may grow to hate her, and i know you don't want that.

Be grateful that you had all this time with each other, look back on your time together with fondess and cherish those memories, then move on with your life, it's time for a new chapter in your life!!!

You will be fine, good luck!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2007):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

My update.

Me and my ex are broken up, but said she she loves me and cares about me enough to want to try again and fall in love with me for the right reasons. Yet that it will be an open relationship type where she and I can date others. So we'll see what happens.

Thanks.

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A male reader, Tommy7 United States +, writes (4 October 2007):

She is trying to let you down gently.

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