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male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hello Cupid.I am currently in a long distance relationship. Everything is going well so far and I have no complaints.The one thing that is putting a stress on our relationship is an issue my girlfriend has with a very good friend of mine.My best friend (female) I should note can be a bit of a flirt but I think this is due to self esteem issues, she also already has a boyfriend and I think of her more as a sister then a friend.My girlfriend has ‘never’ met her before however she already assumes that she is a bad person. She says she has a feeling that she’s not a nice person and that she’s had feelings before about people and they have all be right. I tried to explain that all cause these ‘feelings’ have been right in the past doesn’t guarantee that they are right now, and that she should not judge someone purely on what you have heard without meeting or talking to them first.I have always reassured my girlfriend that I love her and that my friend is nothing but that, a friend. She still refuses to believe that my friend can be a good person and stands by her beliefs that her feelings can’t be wrong.It’s gotten to the point where even mentioning my friends name can set us both into depression and start arguments. I try not to mention her now and I haven’t even spoken to my best friend in months because of all this.My gf doesn’t have an issue with any of my other male friends or my other female friend (admittedly she’s in another country).Does anyone have any ideas why my gf has just taken an instant dislike to a friend of mine? Am I missing something or doing something wrong?My best friend is a bit unhappy with me at the moment because she feels I am avoiding her, which sadly I am at the moment because I don’t know what to do.If anyone has and ideas or advice I would appreciate it.Thx
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best friend, flirt, has a boyfriend, long distance, self esteem Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (20 November 2008):
 The reason your girlfriend is acting this way is because she's jealous, plain and simple! This female friend is a threat to her, she's terrified that the friendship you have with her will grow into something more. The other female friend who lives in another country lives far enough away not to be a threat. She has never met her and she probably is a lovely person but the fact she's there with you a lot of the time when your girlfriend isn't and the fact SHE could hit on you is what is irking your girlfriend. She has to learn to trust you... if she can't do this now then what is she going to be like a year or so down the line?
~Eve~
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): girlfriends will come and go but friends stay forever. you havea best friend for a long time and you may throw away years of friendship for a jealous girl. don't avoid her. she'll think you hate her and stop being your friend. your so called gf will think all she has to do is tell you and you'll do it. it is not a nice relationship. keep your friend!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): I gotta say... my ex had lots of female friends... but there was ONE that would drive me crazy when I knew they saw each other or whatever... and she lives in the same city he does.. and I dont... so that added to the insecurity I had. If you treat her special from your other friends...your gf will notice... every time he said her name and talked about things they talked about I would wonder "does he talk to her about me as much as he talk to me about her?" or why does he keep bringing her to the conversation...Maybe you don't notice but you probably talked about her differently. I would just try to never bring her up and not hang out with her alone cuz that'll cause trouble... if there's a friend there then it's not so bad.
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