A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing my gf for 7 years. We began dating in college and continued to date through grad school but at that point it was long distance. I guess we have had a long distance relationship for 4 years. Now she is finally moving to be near me where we both got new jobs and we have discussed marriage unfortunately I recently started feeling that we are totally wrong for eachother. I met someone recently who I have a lot of feelings and attraction for. all we have done is have a couple dinners together and talk but getting to know her has helped me to realize that the gf and I are living in the past off of shared experiences more than off of an actual attraction to eachother.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008): Peter is VERY good at this. Too good almost.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (30 May 2008):
 Peter Pan is right, you need to talk with your girlfriend. This change in your perspective on your relationship is not a bad thing, it might be some long needed clarity. But you need to do the difficult and courageous thing, and share this with your girlfriend.
It's not going to be easy, you've been together a long time and no doubt you don't want to hurt her, but these issues need to be addressed right away.
Also, I would encourage you not to see the other woman in a dating sense until you've sorted out the future of your relationship with your girlfriend. It's not fair to start a new relationship without having dealt honestly and openly with the old one. I expect your current girlfriend will figure out that you have a new love interest anyway, and you might as well be in an honorable position rather than having 'cheated' on her behind her back. Women sometimes have very good antennae and can figure these things out for themselves.
Long distance relationships are difficult to maintain, and it may just be that this moving to be near each other is bringing up some hidden anxieties about fully committing to your current girlfriend. Consider that as well.
Be honest, be open, don't lie, don't cheat, and please communicate all this with your girlfriend. It would be better if you could do this in person, rather than over the phone or via email, I think.
Good luck in your decisions.
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A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (30 May 2008):
 If possible, please talk to you girlfriend about how you feel. You really need to come clean here and express all that you're feeling and see if she's feeling the same way (she might be). It would be cruel to let her move closer to you while you're thinking that she might not be the one. Move quickly and allow her to figure out a new path for herself before she commits to the move.
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008): If you feel that it is wrong in your heart and your head then you know what to do.
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