A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi,ive been with my partner for three years, and earlier this year we lived together for six months, however due to finance and issues we had to but a ldr. but we have stayed together during everything.however after three years of waiting for him to be ready, i dont think i should wait anymore. so i will be renting my own flat early next year and have asked him to move in with me, so we can be together. (he has already said he wants to) however although he has said he is ready to be with me again, he has said he doesnt want to rush anything, and isnt even sure he will move in with me by may next year?to some extent i understand this but he barely stays in contact as it is, so i feel like everything is being put further and further back?I dont know whether to wait and see how things go or cut my losses?i love him, what would you do?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (21 December 2012):
 you lived together already.... you've been together for three years... (I always like to recap to make sure I'm getting the story right)
now you are LDR.
for adults (and you are an adult) I truly think that by three years you know what you want and if you have not moved towards that then you are not being honest with your partner.
You know what you want and he's dragging his feet on it....
I can't see how it's RUSHING things if you have been together for three years...
he barely stays in contact...are you doing all the rowing of this relationship boat? does he contact you at all or is it always you getting in touch with him?
I know you don't want to hear this but I don't think he's going to give you what you want.
Now when I was around your age, I broke up with my boyfriend. I told him that while I loved him and wanted to get married he was not in the same place so we needed to start seeing other people (we were not LDR) and I meant it. It was NOT a game to get him to "man up and propose".
he realized what he was losing and we got married. I have two beautiful sons from that marriage... (I also have an ex husband but that's a different kettle of fish)
so my take on this is that if you want more and he's not ready you have to leave.
IT MAY make him realize what he's losing and change his mind but it may not... it's a risk you take.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2012): You've got to toughen up a bit more with him. See, my boyfriend wouldn't dare say he is undecided about me and whatever moving forward with me entails. Why? Because he knows I won't allow it. He'll get a big kick in the butt. Guys act like your boyfriend, ya know too comfortable, like they can take you or leave you, when they have it too easy. You are putting way too much stock in what he says and he feels and not enough on how you feel. You are making it too easy for him to stay undecided at the expense of your happiness and fulfillment.Stop putting your life on hold for a guy who is taking you for granted. I am not saying that it couldn't work out or that he doesn't love you, I don't know. What I do get the impression is that he knows he can offer you the bare minimum and you continue to accept it and wait...He claims he doesn't know what he wants? He doesn't even live in the same town as you? And he acts like the distance isn't even an issue for him? And he is putting ZERO effort to change that? Then let him go. Next time you talk to him say, "I love you. You are undecided. As soon as you figure out what you want call me." And boom! That's that. After that be strong, start dating other people, don't CALL him, don't accept his calls until he is ready to give you what you want and see how he reacts after that. If he truly loves you he will be back and make a sweeping gesture to make you happy. If he doesn't, then he doesn't deserve you. Three years is a long time and nothing has changed. So now you have to change cause what you've been doing is not working in your favor. Be strong.
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