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My live-in boyfriend seems to be leading his ex on! I'm confused!

Tagged as: Dating, The ex-factor, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 April 2008) 3 Answers - (Newest, 5 April 2008)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, *amh23 writes:

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years. We met after he moved to my town, away from where he had a very good group of mates so i try to be very accepting that he needs ties with them and we visit whenever possible.

We live together and have a good relationship but his ex from 4 years ago keeps contacting him and has said that she doesn't want to meet me as it will make her feel awkward. however, we did meet last time we visited his old mates and she was really rude and blanked me even though he wasn't actually there at the time. since then, My boyfriend got an abusive message from this girl's new partner and it turns out it's because she sent my boyfriend a drunk message declaring her love for him. when they finally talked it through she said that she still loves him and wishes she "hadn't let him go". stupidly i read his messages and his response was that they are both in relationships now so she needs to make up her mind.

This worries me because it seems to be leading her on and i feel he should have made it clear that he loves me, and that is why things are inappropriate, not because they are in relationships. Telling her to make up her mind sounds like he would take her back and dump me but he has said that he doesn't like the way she is and was never serious about her. I can't talk to him about it because he will just make it about me reading his message and not the real problem. I'm confused! What do you think?

View related questions: drunk, his ex

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (5 April 2008):

Danielepew agony auntI do believe that your boyfriend could mean that he could give her another try. We would all feel safe if he had said to her that HE was in a relationship now, and that was why she must go her own way. However, I also believe that he could be telling her exactly that. Sometimes people don't get their words right (believe me, I'm one of them).

Notice that it is her who is messaging him.

I think you should wait a little before doing anything. He's with you, right?

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A female reader, lamh23 United Kingdom +, writes (5 April 2008):

lamh23 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

oh dear, thats what i was afraid of.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2008):

Kinda sounds like he's saying if she decides to give it another chance he might consider that. He wants to know where she stands first.

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