A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:my younger brothr is 9 years old and he makes me want to stab myself or him!!! the reason for this is that he has a type of autism called aspergers. all the time i have to hear "just ignore what hes saying" or "its only the aspergers" and even "shutup (my name)! im tryin to work with (brothers name)." it annoys me so much. i already know he has this problem. my parents always blame everything on me and never belive me. he leaves me on the ground crying all the time,almost every day, and i am always guilty of starting the fight.i need help. we go see a private counsler 2 times a week and he always acts like a perfect little angel there and thats what everybody thinks he is. well hes a demon to me! i have a nickname for what he does when hes angry. i call it the demon growl. he breaths in and out very heavily. and thats just a start. then he screams and dashes straight toward me.then he thinks im his little gagdoll that he can just throw on the ground and nothing will happen. well it hurts. bad. i almost broke my ankle 3 times, i think i bruised my rib once, and i just bruised my hip(im pretty sure, and keep in mind that hes only 9). i do not like him, but i would if he didnt do the things he does to me. i threaten my parents about running away because i get hurt so badly and they dont understand. ive tried looking on google about how to talk to my parents about this problem and i have talked with them, but they dont do anything about it. also, hes extremely addicted to yoshi from super mario and i have to hear him talk about yosh 24/7 and it bugs me so much!!! i ask him to stop talking abut yoshi, but that just begins the fight. can someone please help me with this problem and tell me how to talk to my parents? also, let me know if you have a sibling like this and your parents dont understand what it feels like. Thank You!!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (30 January 2012):
I grew up with a violent autistic (he also has Aspergers) brother as well and my parents did the same thing to me. Everything he did wrong was blamed on either me or the syndrome, not him. In the end it only made him impossible to handle. I complained ofcourse but they didn't listen.
Then one day we were on vacation and a family friend filmed us and sent us a copy. In it there were at least 3 instances where my brother sucked up all the attention and when I asked one little thing they told me to shut up. Then there was the instance where I simply told my brother off (he sometimes threw stuff on the ground--he broke several CD's that way) and he started a screaming match including flailing hands and all that.
When my parents saw that they finally realized what was going on and things changed after that. I always kept the copy so that when they started slacking I could remind them.
So arrange for a friend to videotape you guys. If you two have fights every single day it shouldn't be hard. Either that or set up a camera filming a spot where a lot of arguments take place. Show it to your parents. If you fear they won't listen, put it in an envelope including a letter from yourself in which you explain your feelings and put in in the mailbox for them to find while you go to school. That way, when you return they have had time to properly process everything.
Good luck and I hope this helps!
A
female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (30 January 2012):
 I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. I happen to be a skills trainer for children with special needs, and in most typical cases, bad behaviors, obsessions and aggression stem from lack of routine and structure, especially in children with special needs. Does he play video games often? In most cases, you can redirect bad behavior by using the things they obsess over. Distract and manipulate your brother with Yoshi when he is turning violent on you. If you are getting bruised ribs, and other kinds of painful blows from your brother, it should be very obvious to your parents. I have 3 kids, and if one gets even a splinter, I am all over it! It seems to me through the information you have provided, that your parents are not creating a good routine in the house that would allow less time for fighting, video game playing, and other bad habits. If this doesn't get addressed soon, your brother will get worse. As his brother, try to make good connections with him, understand him and use the positive connections to help you manipulate his behavior. I can't imagine your folks being totally oblivious to it, or not care that you are being abused.
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (30 January 2012):
 just because you have aspergers doesn't mean you behave violently. sounds like your parents make excuses for his bad behaviour. try talking to someone in your extended family. besides that maybe talk to a counsellor at school. the fact he can behave well on comand shows he has enough awareness to be manipulating this disability for show and gain.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2012): I think videotaping this and showing it to your parents is a good idea. Your brother is injuring you and this needs to stop immediately so that you can feel safe. They need to find a way to stop him from doing this. Don't interact with him at all if you can and don't say anything to him that brings on the behavior where he attacks you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 January 2012):
 Stay away from your brother? Refuse to "watch" him. Or even better, have a friend with a videophone tape it and show them. I think you need to talk to your parents about it when they are in a relaxed mode (if that happens) Ask your mom and dad how you are supposed to deal with it when he hits.
I can only imagine what your parents are having to deal with, with him AND taking care of "normal" children too, but they can't let YOU be your little brothers punching bag just because he has Aspergers.
Also, you might want to consider talking to a teacher whom you trust at your school, maybe if it comes from a grown up your parents will listen and not just think you are moaning and whining about your little brother.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2012): Just want to add, is it possible you are craving attention? Not judging, and the middle child, i was always the one to want attention. With my brothers condition I feel like all the attention is on him and I don't get any. Its irritatig, but i just remember that he is my brother and that i love him. I sometimes feel like i should be protecting him. I might mess with him, but the second I find out someone else is, I will be teaching a major lesson.,
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2012): I think that you need to tell an Aunt or Uncle that will try and help you explain this to your parents. If they can't get through to your parents, then you can tell a teacher! Your brothers explosive behavior is not acceptable. Its not your brothers fault and its not your fault, but you definately need to ask for help if his behavior is to the point where hes harming himself and even worst you! Having a family with behavioral problems is a hard situation for everyone to handle, and just remember your not alone! It will get better, good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2012): Although I have no advice for dealing with the violent side (other than to stick in there and try to help your brother. As hard as it might seem to understand, he does love you. And I know in your heart you love him too) i do have advice for yoshi. My brother has ADHD, and won't shut up about what he learns on "how its made". Its so annoying. Its like having a constant buzzing in your ear. All i can say is that he has a medical condition, and he just needs to feel like he's being listened too. I do alot of smiling and nodding, and suggest you try to do the same.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (30 January 2012):
 Your brother might be a handful for them, leaving them little energy for you. They assume since you do not have aspergers that you rely on them less. Not the ideal situation, but I've seen it happen to others.
You might trying talking about it less often and being more selective about when you do say something. Wait until you and they are in a better mood, and keep it brief. instead of complaining about your brother tell them how his behaviour affects you.
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