A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend told me she fancied a girl we met, and suggested we hit on her together and potentially have a threesome. I said I wasn't interested at the moment, but the issue has been bothering me a lot since. The girl in question was seriously hot, and my girlfriend had been told beforehand that she was interested in experimenting with girls. I've never had a threesome, so in some sense I think I must be crazy to have turned the idea down, because all men want threesomes, right? But it's bothered me a lot, and I would appreciate some advice to help figure this out in my head.Some other things to mention. Firstly this relationship is still very young, just under 2 months. On the other hand, it got serious very quickly. Over the past month we've basically spent all our time together. Ive never felt as strongly about anyone else before, and she has said the same to me.Another thing is that she is bisexual. Well, she prefers the word queer. Either way, she has had relationships with both men and women. But she has typically been more into women. So something I have been worrying about is that even though she says she loves me, that perhaps her being with a man is something that can only ever be temporary. We went through a few days where the sex wasn't very good, and she even said to me that she thought one day she would need to have sex with a woman. At that time I told her I was not comfortable with that idea, and have since forgotten about it, hoping it would not be an issue again.So I think what's bothering me is not so much that she wants a threesome, it's the way she went about asking for it. The fact that she said she fancied the other girl. She had also planned to go out dancing with a group of people including this girl (I don't really like dancing so wouldn't have gone along). She basically said to me that if she went dancing she thought she might not be able to help herself from kissing the other girl. Also later in the day a mutual friend texted her to say that this girl found my girlfriend cute. I mean I find other girls attractive, so I understand that she will be physically attracted to other girls too, but I'd rather not know about it.My girlfriend is more sexually adventurous than me, and I want to do what I can to satisfy her. But at the moment I have been low in confidence for other reasons, and I have struggled to deal with her expressing an interest in another girl. Especially as it's so early on in the relationship - after only 2 months why am I not enough?On the plus side she took it very well when I said I wasn't ready for it, and apologised for bringing up the idea so soon into the relationship.Any thoughts on the situation?
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confidence, her ex, kissing, text, threesome Reply to this Question
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female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (2 February 2012):
 Can I pose this a different way.
If your girlfriend was saying this about another man how would you react?
If she said she wanted a threesome with another guy, and was quite happy to go out and kiss him whilst still dating you, how would you feel?
She is an open bisexual, which means that this girl is competition for you. The threesome may just be a way of legitimising cheating. She gets to have sex with another person and you are 'ok' with it.
Not all men are into threesomes. It is ok to just like being with the person you love. You have to decide where you draw your boundaries of acceptable behaviour. It may be you have to accept that you are not sexually compatible.
Good luck xx
A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (30 January 2012):
 Hey man. I once dated a bisexual girl and she was adventurous too and had i not been a pathetic confidence lacking 24 year old virgin things could have gone better sexually. What i learned? If u have feelings for her the threesome will be full of jealousy resentment n possible anger. The fact she is bisexual and finds other women attractive and court worthy makes u feel intimidated thus ur confidence is taking a hit. Normal shit man since u like her. my ex was always playing games with women cause she knew id get jealous. If your gf cannot stay in a mutually exclusive relationship with you then its prob best youre not with her.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (30 January 2012):
 So . . . what in the world makes you think that you can have a successful and lasting relationship with a girl who professes to be "queer," as she states? If I were you, which I am not, I would either enjoy whatever sexual episodes offered or be on my way out the door.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2012): I agree that this does not bode well for your relationship. You need to rethink this whole relationship. Having a threesome or having multiple partners openly is not adventurous but it is a good way to ruin any relationship. If the relationship really means something to you you don't go there.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 January 2012):
 2 months into the relationship is WAY soon (IMHO) to introduce more people to the bed.
If someone is already looking to "spice" things up 2 months in, it's not going to last.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (30 January 2012):
 Times must have changed because as far as I knew 'queer' meant gay, not bisexual. And being bisexual means one is romantically and sexually attracted to people of either gender. Not that they must have one of each.
Don't sell yourself short. Wanting another woman or a threesome does not make your girlfriend adventurous. She isn't breaking new ground or proposing anything countless others haven't been doing throughout the ages. She isn't travelling the world in a hot air balloon or climbing Mount Everest in rollerblades. She just wants sex with more people.
She's made it very clear that sex with you will not be enough for her. She's openly expressed interest in another woman and, in my opinion, is using a threesome as the means to do it. She's warned you she probably won't be faithful the next time she sees her. You've only been dating for two months and she's already looking outside your relationship. In my opinion she is not long term mate material and she probably doesn't see you that way either.
And for the record all men do not want threesomes. That is pure myth. SOME do, but most are quite happy in a twosome.
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