A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I'm a single woman, mid fifties, - I look after myself, make the most of myself and am confident I look good. I have a great job which I enjoy, grown up children who I have a great relationship with, and a circle of good, close friends. So, what's the problem? Up until 2 years ago I was really happy with my life. I liked being single, and the freedom and independence that comes with it. Then I met a man! At first, I just liked him and his company, but gradually I got used to the idea of being in a couple. And I fell in love. That was a shock, as I didn't think I would ever feel like that again, and didn't think I wanted to. We were together for nearly a year, and I was happy. Consciously happy for the first time in a long time. I realised that before, although my life was fine and I enjoyed it, it lacked that feeling of conscious happiness, and the secure feeling that having a partner who loves you brings into your life. Then it all went pear shaped. He got commitment phobia, and ended it. That was a year ago, and I can't get back to where I was before this relationship. I had a great year with him, but I wish now it had never happened, because I feel a gap in my life that I didn't even know was there. I can't seem to let go of him in my head, - and it seems he cant let go either, because just when I think I'm beginning to get over it, he sends me an email, or text or phones. He says he wants us to be friends, and will be my friend for life, - if I ever need anything, just call etc etc. Well, hey, I've got friends, what I want is a lover and partner. I don't know if it is this man that I actually miss, or is it that being with him gave me a glimpse of a life that I now realise I would like to have. I've dated men since, but none of them make me feel like he did, and I am aware that I compare all of them with him, - and yes, I know that's not fair.How do I get over this, and get rid of this awful empty feeling inside? I have a lot to be thankful for, and I don't want to waste the great life I have hankering after something or someone I can't have. But, even though my life is busy, and my social life is great, I now have a lonely place inside which I can't seem to fill. Please, - your advice would be very welcome and appreciated. Thanks.
View related questions:
fell in love, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both for responding. I've gone through the anger thing, as the first response suggests. Actually, I don't think he is so much a b*st**d, as a sad emotional cripple. He wants a woman in his life, and a relationship, but as soon as it looks like he has found something worthwhile, he does a runner, because he is scared to commit. I know he has been hurt in the past, but haven't we all! Anyway, I believe in karma, and I think that his will be that he will end his days as a lonely old man. As for me, I have found out through my relationship with him, that I am capable of loving someone, and that I want to love and be loved. So I am open that that possibility now. I don't know how or if I will meet my soulmate, but I hope that one day I will. And when I do, he will treat me with the love and respect that I deserve. In the meantime, I will enjoy my family and my good friends, and be thankful that I have them. And I count among my friends those people like yourselves who take the time and trouble to respond to a stranger who needs a word of encouragement. God bless you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2007): Well girl, you have to convince yourself that he was not as great as you are convincing yourself that he was. I mean no guy who truly is a wonderful guy worthy of your attention would leave you and for such a lame reason. When you go out with other men and compare them to him and tell yourself that they don't compare, you are only deceiving yourself. It's not the reality though. Maybe he "seemed" nice and "perfect" but clearly he was far from it for the mere reason that he left you. He may have had a hidden agenda with you all along. Obviously he was not so nice or perfect.
Sometimes when you want to believe something so bad you become blind. I mean I am sure that there were plenty of signs that he showed you throughout your relationship that had you been a little more skeptical you would have been able to see right through him.
What he did was real shitty. So stop believing that he is something that he is not. He is a shit face. So just be proud and when he calls you just say "no thanks. I have no desire to talk to you. With 'friends' like you who needs friends?" Don't be afraid to be mad or to be a bitch to him. He doesn't deserve your attention or your compassion. Be a bitch. And be strong. And by all means force yourself to see something good in these other men that you are dating cause perhaps one of them could actually turn out to be a good guy.
...............................
A
female
reader, NJmomabear  +, writes (13 December 2007):
 Oh dear... You are right on about getting a glimpse of what you would like to have. No matter how you or anyone else tries to rationalize it as right or wrong, the void still exists. Even though he wasn't secure and stable enough mentally/emotionally to make it last, you know what is possible now and you don't want to settle. I dont suggest giving him another chance to let you down again, or let him in briefly just to get a 'hit' cause it can be addicting and lead to your demise.
Just keep your torch lit and seek to attract that kind of love back into your life buy illuminating it and it will find you. Just make sure he's got what it takes to make it last.
That is my plan since I am in the same boat, but married...to my friend who seems to treat it like a chore to touch me unless its sexual. After being spoiled w. affection by my x, it is very frustrating and I've fallen hard, gotten fat and its been really hard to get back up to get what I want. I just take it day by day right now. I haven't given up on wanting what I want, just not now.
But the good new is that it looks like your ready to jump back into the deep end..Good for you!
...............................
|
