A
female
age
41-50,
*ornsince2007
writes:My ex and I had a child together and were together for 10 years. We divorced for stupid reasons and neither of us felt right about it but for some reason we went through with it anyhow. We were on again off again for 3 years until he finally married a girl after 2 months. during those 3 years, I dated someone as well but just recently married because I thought it was the only way I would ever be happy again since my ex had moved on. My ex was married barely a month before he started talking to me again and we have been talking ever since. He has now been married for a year. My current husband wants to have a baby and we have tried for several months now to no avail but I can't stop thinking that my ex and I may still wind up together which makes me very afraid to have children with my current husband. not to mention that I am not sure I want my children to be like him so either way I am scared. I don't know what to do. I talk to my ex about things and he says he still loves me and is not happy and also says he feels that we will end up together. He says I should get on birth control as well as to avoid being attached to my current husband forever. I am so confused right now. I don't know which way is up. The thing about it is I feel that the movie "The Notebook" Is a very close depiction of myself and my ex. I feel there is nobody else for me but I decided to settle sinceI couldn't have what I really wanted. I don't know whether to move on with my life and my current Husband or put things on hold. Any advice would be great!
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divorce, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1 +, writes (3 November 2010):
That was a good response! I did not take into consideration that at the time you gave up on the one you loved. Love is very complicated.
A
female
reader, tornsince2007 +, writes (2 November 2010):
tornsince2007 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for the comments, good and bad. I know I have made a big mess and I too feel for my current husband. I agree that I married for the wrong reasons but at the time, he was what madde me happy. When you are at a point in your life where you know who you are suppose to be with but feel it is never going to happen, it is hard to make logical decisions. When my ex husband and I divorced I was much less mature than I am now. Just goes to show, how immature decisions can come back to haunt you. Again thansk for the comments, mean or not, I can take it and I don't blame people for thinking I am stupid. Regardless, your comments are helping.
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A
female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1 +, writes (30 October 2010):
Make sure your ex is really on the same page as you. Make better more mature decisons in the future please.
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A
male
reader, rivi +, writes (28 October 2010):
I feel enormously for your husband .It seems you married him for bad reasons. You even dislike him so much you don't want a child who might share character traits with him ?You need to do the right thing by yr husband and tell him that you have reluctantly and belatedly realized you don't love him enough to want achild with him........... so logically you must divorce so he is free to find someone to have children with. Whar happens between you and your ex is totally secondary to this main, moral, imperative.[ For whaT it's worth you both - you and the ex that is - sound stupid and totally suited to one another. ]
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (28 October 2010):
 I must say...I love the Notebook....but dealing with something like that in real life must be a tremendous conflict. I'l tell you what I feel...please dont do ANYTHING you're not comfortable with.
However, I'm sorry...but you got married for the wrong reason. You cant get into something expecting to be happy afterwards..but anyway now that its done, ask yourself what you want now. You've already messed up your husband's life(Sorry honey, but you have...you had the option, you could have NOT gotten married, but u did)...so now please do not go ahead and get children into this world who would be torn between parents who do not love each other. Plus you say you dont want your kids to be like him so it'l be even more of a disaster for you...you seem very stressed already, dont add the burden of an unwanted pregnancy to it. Please do not have children unless you are 100% sure you want them and you can take complete care of them.
Having said that, this hide and seek cannot go on forever. How long will you be on birth control? Its going to come out sooner or later, so please dont delay the inevitable. Have a talk with your husband, but before that, think if this marriage is something that you want to salvage. If yes, then give it another try. If no, then talk to your ex and make sure you guys dont end up in the same rut again...you've both already married other people, if you do decide mutually to leave them and be together, then you really have to make it work.
All the best,...hope everything works out fine...keep us updated..
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