A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ever since I'v hit puberty(15) I can't socialize, I've become very nervous and have no self-esteem.I can't even walk past strangers with some feelings of discomfort. And I can't take my eyes off hot women, but yet if they tryed to talk to me my mind would become blank and I would become extremely nervous(like those nerds in high school movies, only I'm not a nerd). I can't motivate myself, nothing interests me anymore. Not even the beauty of planet earth. My perception of life has been raped as well as my gift of self. I never said a single word for the last few years of school....and people think I'm a weirdo because of it. I also missed 1 in 3 days(lol) and for my final exams I took when I was 18...I failed, even though I had great potential. I could never concentrate and when I came across something I didn't understand I would become so angry...I just hated school like nothing else, it truly was torture, I kept myself awake the whole night too thinking (School tomorrow, no!) My feelings go from hyper to low, to feeling crappy to hyper etc. but never happy. I've lost all my friends, I've forced myself to go out and talk to people many times but failed and made a show of myself. The skin on my face is terrible, I've lost my good lucks. I FEEL SO ANGRY ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!!im 18 now and will these feelings disappear or what. my parents made me speak to a councellor before but that never helped, I'v read all motivational quotes etc. I'v also tried stress reducing techniques but they didn't work. please some good advice....my head is melted. all I can do is stay in my room now....i jog in the evening and do some bodyweight exercises, but even that doesn't help. thanks 4 reading that Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (26 February 2013):
 your Masterclass begins. Hope you enjoy learning from all that I am about to post for you.
But first, Please get your health right first. If your parents felt a counsellor was required then it may be that you appear to be suffering from depression. That is serious. Do speak to your Doctor about this and don't ignore it if the Doctor makes a diagnosis of Depression. Your Health must come before all other things. Once your health feels better then you will feel much better too.
So now the masterclass begins:
1. Girls Love Confidence or the appearance of confidence
(a) Make eye contact and hold it a second longer
(b) Walk with confidence. No slouching as it turns girls off
(c) Stay fit. Good that you do weights.
(d) Eat healthy, you will feel better, your skin will look better. It’s win:win all the way.
(e) And eat your food like a gentleman and don’t just wolf it down too quickly. No one likes a slob, so do not associate with slobs who eat too fast and think flatulence is funny (it’s not funny)
(f) Find out her name and use her name. Girls love to hear their name used, but don't reveal all. If she is interested she will find out your name too, and use it when she speaks to you next.
(g) Do something kind for her then step back. Let her then show some interest in you. You do not need to be too eager nor too helpful. It's a turn off.
2. Try to focus on being POSITIVE as it is catching and will make the girls feel good. Here is an article on that = being POSITIVE
(a) http://www.dearcupid.org/question/tunnel-vision-positive-thinking---used-to.html
3. Like who you are. LOVE you for your unique qualities.
(a) If you cannot feel able to like you then what sort of recommendation is that? You do have many GOOD points Focus on the GOOD points that are you. List FIVE of those Good points right now.
4. Smell good which means you shower daily at least
5. Get a good nights sleep every night as you will feel better if you do.
6. Make sure your hair is clean always
7. Your breath is clean as a whistle
8. Wear appropriate clothing for the occasion.
(a) Doing some yard work – your shorts are fine
(b) Picking her up for a date to see a movie then shorts are not fine
(c) Clothing should be clean unless you just walked off a building site.
9. Do not do illicit drugs. It turns off the girls you probably want and it attracts the losers who you do not want.
10. Expect the best from the girls you choose to approach. Walk away immediately from whiny, cheating, bossy, rude, demanding, lying and dishonest or too clingy girls. As ANY girl is NOT better than no girl if the ANY girl causes you distress in any way.
11. And most of all COMMUNICATE. Ask Open questions so the girl ends up talking about herself and be a GOOD LISTENER. Even Silence is OK and better than meaningless chatter.
Now I am resorting to some Great Uncles on this site who have written more, in the past, that I think can help you.
The first article is by ODDS and it is a substantial article for men - representing a Master-class for men in how to become more appealing.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-be-attractive-a-beginners-guide-for.html
Author: Odds
The Next is about how to get CONFIDENCE. This second article is by CODE WARRIOR and it is good.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-is-confidence-and-how-do-i-get.html
It is a step by step process to self Confidence
Author: Code Warrior
Now I move on to Aunt ASK EVE who has prepared 20 questions to ask someone on a date
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/20-questions-to-ask-someone-on-a-date.html
Followed by a lovely article by FOLLOWTHEBLACKRABBIT who talks about Nice Guys. And I am sure you are a nice guy.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/nice-guys-.html
Author followtheblackrabbit
I also read a good response by this Uncle http://www.dearcupid.org/people/trancedrhythmear on this site to a very similar question to yours. If I could I would have added that link too. I will try to find a link to that.
And do be considerate and kind to girls.
C = CONFIDENT
C = CONSIDERATE
C = CARING
C = CLEAN
C = COMMUNICATE
The 5 Cs and you will be a guy the Girls will love.
My best wishes to you.
A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (26 February 2013):
 It's time to set yourself some personal goals. What job do you want to be doing in 5 or 10 years' time? What courses can you do to start you on the path to that?
Exercise is good, but exercise outside the house is much better. Take up a hobby or interest that will bring you into contact with other people. That's the key here - getting out of your bedroom in out into the big world so you can start enjoying all it has to offer with other people.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2013): keep working out. It is helping, you just don't realize it. I bet you are probably this good-looking, akward kid that doesn't even realize it. If you accomplish something, even something small you will look at yourself differently in the mirror. You may have to use all your willpower to force yourself to do this. Learn a language or an instrument. You MUST do something like this. The working out thing is a major accomplishment though...I can't even seem to bring myself to do that.
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