A
female
age
30-35,
*onfused_Heart_
writes:Hi,I feel so confused and I don't know where to go or what to do.I am 19, soon to be 20. We met when I was 14 and he was 16... been together ever since. We moved in together when I turned 18 and at first everything was great. Now-a-days I find myself not liking so many things about him. Why is this and why now? After so much time together? Sometimes I feel like he's the best thing that's ever happened to me and sometimes I can't stand him.Things I can't stand:1. He's like a little kid. I have to be the adult and do everything. Clean, make his dinner, give him massages because he's tired... but I never get one, do his laundry, take the dogs out, feed them, work, go to school. I get so tired I want to cry. I never thought living together would make me be so stressed.2. I cannot stand liars and he will bluntly lie to my face to get out of trouble even though I know the truth. This bugs me to no end.3. He can sometimes be... greedy. We both work and have one bank account. We earn about the same and just pay the bills as they come then save up the rest, but when he wants to treat himself and buy something, it's okay. However, when I want to buy something for myself he makes a big deal and says it's not "necessary".4. Sometimes he talks without thinking and says things that hurt my feelings. Like calling me "stupid" because one of our dogs was growing a bump under his eye and I wanted to take him to the vet.5. He can be so ignorant and the things that come out of his mouth sometimes make no sense... or sound really arrogant.6. He doesn't really care for our dogs. Believe it or not, this is actually a big thing for me. I am a huge animal lover and I treat them like if they were our kids. He could care less, and I'm stuck always being the one to take them out to pee, giving them their dinner... all me, no shared responsibilities.7. We never go out. Ever. So my life is basically: school, work, dogs, tending to boyfriend. It gets so stressful.8. Intimacy... ugh. It's horrible! He only cares about himself. When he's "done", we're done. This also makes me upset and last time this happened I silently cried myself to sleep.9. He's never wrong. And don't try to tell him otherwise.10. I lost all my friends. It was all my fault and I admit it. He didn't like me hanging out with them and I wanted to please him. I regret it so much.Things I can't complain about:1. He does help me. So much... as long as I ask. Even if he's had a 12 hour work day, he's always willing to help me do anything.2. He still surprises me with flowers and can be sweet.He's a good guy, for the most part. And when we fight, he's always willing to talk and find a solution even when I get stubborn. He does care about me...I just never expected this is what living with someone else is like. Is it supposed to be like this? Is is supposed to be this stressful?I've also been feeling stressed because my mom was recently diagnosed with cancer and between my hectic life, her surgeries and now radiation, I feel like I'm a walking zombie. Thank God she's okay now.I can't move back home and cause her more stress. I haven't told her anything, and she's like my best friend. I've secretly considered saving up money on the side and saving up enough so that I can move into my own place. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing.I don't know if I love him anymore.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2011): You guys were so young when you got together, and growing up changes people a lot. You know he isn't treating you right at all. I'm not sure if you have talked to him about all this or not, but if you have and there is still no change, you need to seriously think about leaving. In my opinion, this guy isn't worth staying with, no matter how long you've been together. He's either majorly taking you for granted, or he just doesn't care about you anymore. You deserve so much better than this.
You should talk to your mom about moving back home. You might see it as stressing her out, but maybe she would appreciate having someone else around right now, and you could help her with things until you both get back on your feet.
A
female
reader, MonksDaBomb +, writes (11 June 2011):
 The problem is that the two of you moved in together so young. The two of you had adolescent things to worry about when first moving in, like school and tuition, but now you're older and maybe out of school, so now you're thinking more like an adult, like bills, etc. You see things more clearly when you're an adult.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (11 June 2011):
 You got together as children. Now you are grown up, more mature and more worldly wise. You can see things, that perhaps you could not see when you were younger.
There are many reasons why people say that teenage romances will not last - because people change. What they want changes, who they are as people changes, and their outlook on life changes.
Very few relationships survive the transition from childhood to adulthood - life always gets in the way.
You made a very big step by moving in together and creating a joint bank account - no way would I have done that without being married first. (Next time create a joint account and each pay a set amount of money into it for household bills). As it stands he could clear it and walk away no questions asked, as could you, if things got bad. This is all evidence of a young and inexperienced relationship, you threw yourself into it 100% thinking you would be together forever. Now you are tied to him, and any money going out for your 'saving for your own place' will be easy to see and trace. It will be difficult to hide this.
I know when you first got together you probably thought he was the one and you would be together forever, but very few people experience long lasting teenage relationships. It is inevitable that one or both with change and move on. You grow to dislike certain aspects of people, which may not have been present as children.
You need to sit down and seriously think about what you want from life. Can you see yourself with this man for the next 10, 20, 30 yrs? Remembering the fact that he will not change, and his lazy ways will probably only get worse... Is that the life you want to lead?
If it is not, then you need to seriously think about your future, creating a plan of action to get out of the relationship and make your own way in life.
You deserve better. Maybe it is time for a new adventure.
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A
female
reader, bittersweetmemory  +, writes (11 June 2011):
 i think this is the point honey when you're not in love with anymore but you might still love him...
now the only thing i can advice you to do to work things out is to discuss everything you mentioned you don't like one by one with him and see if it takes you anywhere..
moving in with someone can be hard and yeah it can be stressful, but in my opinion not this kind of stressful..you need to relax and as i can hear you need some more attention and care as well...
try to talk it over with him and if it doesn't get you anywhere than i suggest you try to find a way to move out...
i hope things work out for you, good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2011): I think that you two have moved apart and that you should leave him. However if you still get those pangs sometimes and if you can live with him without fighting then you should stay. And yes I'm sorry to say living together is stressful. We always take our parents for granted and never realise how much exactly that they do for us.You should stand up for yourself and insist that he does half the work around the house as you both work equally hard all day. For the issue of money i suggest separate bank accounts. But if he's willing to change then don;t leave. Stand by him and help him to improve. We all have our flaws but as long as we are willing to change it's alright
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