A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My partner is overseas and wants me to video chat him and call him for fun time . The problem is that that he watches loads of porn and I can't help but feel self conscious that I could never be as sexy or anywhere near as good at exciting him as the women he watches . I know this is in my head and I try desperately to overcome this feeling but it's really affecting my confidence . How do I get over this and believe that I could possibly be anywhere near as exciting as these women who are professionals and can be a never ending supply of any body type age shape size or look he desires at any given moment while I am just one woman. All the women he chooses to watch are much younger and thinner than me so clearly I'm not what he would choose to watch when given the choice. I find myself losing all confidence the minute he wants to talk which is exactly the opposite of how I used to feel.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 January 2017):
 If he makes you feel insecure and losing your confidence then why be with him? Do you meet up much? It is very hard having a relationship with someone over seas, are you both planning on moving to a location together?
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (22 January 2017):
 Honey, men will watch whatever porn is in front of them. Very few are bothered what the women look like (within reason). It is just a means to an end. It does not mean they fancy them or lust after that body type (unless they have very rigid preferences or fetishes).
How long have you been in this relationship? If this is a fairly new relationship, then I would be very wary of going this route. How long is your partner away for? You should feel confident enough to say "no" to him if this is something totally outside your comfort zone and he should not be pushing you to do it if it makes you feel uncomfortable.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2017): Well, it looks like the problem is him. He is the one who watches loads of porn and it makes you feel bad.He seems to be into you if he is asking you to video chat with him and have some fun time.But, I am not sure why he needs all the porn? When he has you to video chat with? You can do better than those women! They are mostly faking it anyway. It is all an act. For the camera. For the audience. Of course it's going to be over the top. It is a SHOW. A performance. It ain't real sweetie. Those women aren't real. YOU ARE!Men don't want porn stars as girlfriend or wives. They just wack off to them. And done. They would not even remember what she looked like a few minutes later. But if the porn use bothers you, talk to him about it and tell him how it makes you feel.Hopefully he comes home soon.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2017): Take things slowly and be yourself. Start off with just building rapport while you discuss ordinary things. If you find a way to say something nice about him - maybe he shared a nice joke or his hair looks good then tell him.
Let him know that you are uncertain about how to do this and ask him to show the lead in this. but don't go any further than you feel comfortable doing and take things slowly. Just seeing your face should lift his spirits.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2017): I would feel the same as you, but one thing struck me when you said that he would rather watch those other women given the choice.
But he does have a choice and he's chosen to watch you. He could be watching porn instead of video chatting with you, but he wants to interact with you.
Porn is just a means to an end, you are the woman he loves. However if you don't feel as if you can do this and enjoy it, then don't do it.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (22 January 2017):
 Important things to establish here are:
Have you met in person? How much? How often?
How long have you been together?
What plans are there to close the distance?
The reason I ask is because phone sex is fine, but video streaming it is dangerous and not always private (easy to record and upload online).
If you don't feel comfortable doing it, don't do it. I wouldn't advice video chat for that, anyway. Attempting phone sex may be nice, as long as he doesn't pressure you to continue, if you want to stop.
How often do you talk/video chat without him wanting cyber sex?
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