A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a LDR for many months now, but we have never met. We have spoke about the future and we planned to meet recently, but because of some issues in her life it has so far been delayed.She is in hospital right now terminally ill, though I can't prove it and it's a very sensitive thing to question. Over the time we have known each other there have been other dramas and excuses made up and to be honest my trust/insecurity wavers.She recently said to me that she needed to think about things, which never sounds good. I believe she's contemplating to end things with me just to save me heartbreak further down the line. She says it's not over and that she loves me, but she's made excuses to stop me visiting her.If you had the choice to spend the remaining time they had with the person you love or to be let go before you get more attached than you already are to avoid bigger heartbreak. There is a chance i'm being lied too, but I can't imagine myself without her. I'm very confused, depressed and lonely right now. Is she right to let me go now?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): I appreciate this is very upsetting for you, but truly this is not a 'real relationship' apart from her saying she is in hospital, remove that for one minute, no one can have a sound relationship with anyone over the internet, they have to MEET in person before they know who they 'THINK' their in love with.
You're in love ( as real as it feels) with the person you have in your mind, this is not reality. And I have to tell you, of the people who experience these feelings through hooking up online, through chat rooms, IF ever they do meet, about 97% fail, because the person they had conjured up in their mind is not the person they have been communicating with. For all kinds of reasons.
One of the most common reasons for delaying meeting up quite often is, people tend over the internet to boost their status with various glorifications, how tall they are, how good looking, being really slim for girls, depicting the ideal image for the guy ( guys do this too) but they know it's not really them. But over the internet, you can be who you like, and this is why it is so tempting for people young and more mature alike to exaggerate. Which makes me wonder with the 'terminally ill in hospital part' of course it could be true, but at that age, it pretty rare, and of course you already mention she has said about needing time to think about things, so as you say, she has demonstrated previously barriers for not meeting.
I feel sad, that you feel lonely and openly say you love this girl, but I urge you to try and pull back from this as it really isn't healthy for you. You need to meet a girl real life and build on what you see and hear from her, then you know what you have is real. But if do you use online dating or facebook, chat rooms, then ensure you ONLY chat, exchange a few emails, then MEET, never communicate so long that the communication and rapport you build, becomes more comfortable in the fantasy world than the real.
And I'm afraid I think this is what this one has become, she was ok with it being a bit of fun across a computer screen, now it has the possibility of becoming real, she is backing out. Lastly, try not to let your emotions build, get attached to someone you've never meet, repeating myself I know, but I think it's so important you cultivate a real relationship built on all the normal things that sustain love between two people.
Good luck!
Jilly
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): You have a relationship with someone you have never met so what you are losing is something very much not based in reality. In addition the girl seems to have issues and an illness. There seems no upside to this. She leads you to believe her illness in terminal, regardless of the accuracy of this, she appears not to want your support. So I would do yourself a favour and distance yourself from her. Heartache is the only outcome here. You sound lonely and dependant on internet relationships. Try and start living in reality and make new friends.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): With all due respect man, your relationship isnt logically sound. It sounds like there are turst issues, an emotional roller coaster, and also the distance: Three BIG things needed to thrive a rleationship and maintain it. Dont take the risk of seeing her with these things not intact, you dont deserve that. Good luck.
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