A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Here's the deal, I am a college student, my girlfriend and I were together for about 4 months or so and then the school year came to an end. We both decided that we wanted to do the Long Distance Relationship for the summer and we both thought it would be totally worth it, although we knew it would be hard and long. I don't know why I am asking this question now, because I have gone 3 months already and only have about a week and a half left until we are back at school. I am completely insecure about everything. My girlfriend is a year older than me, and while she had had a serious boyfriend early in high school and then another one during her senior year and going into her freshman year of college, I had never had a serious relationship until her. Before summer came I found out that the reason her and her previous boyfriend didn't work was because she cheated on him. It didn't really hit me until I left her and knowing she had cheated once made me start to go crazy thinking she wouldn't have a problem doing it to me too. She claimed that she was in a completely different situation then and now, she said she didn't even want to continue dating him when she went to college but he insisted that they tried to make it work, and her being a pretty girl as a freshman in college in a new city and going out and drinking and partying she fell to the pressure and cheated on him, she said she eventually told him and they broke up and that was it.She told me she had a crazy freshman year and got caught up in the college life for a little bit, but coming back for her second year she calmed down a lot and just wanted to focus on school. Me, being a freshman in college last year went through my crazy party stage at the beginning and then realized I needed to focus on the important things. So we both were looking to settle down and basically fell in love with each other, and I can honestly say when we were together, which was pretty much always, we got a long great and rarely ever fought or even disagreed on anything, it almost seems unreal how good we seemed together.Then I had to go back home for summer. I left early May, she visited mid June, I visited mid July, and I am going back down there a couple weeks early to be with her in August. Here's the deal, late into May, one weekend night we had both gone out partying that night, I had a little too much to drink and passed out without ever saying goodnight to her. She was hanging out with some old friends from her hometown instead of our friends from college, so they didn't know me really, and late into the night she kissed another guy. She told me that she kissed him once, and right away realized what she was doing was wrong and stopped, ran away, and tried to call me. I was already passed out and didn't answer, in the morning I called her and she told me that she had kissed another guy. That it was an honest, drunken mistake, and as soon as she did it she stopped and tried to call me. We had just booked our plane tickets to see each other, we talked every day, every night, text message each other almost every few minutes, so we talk an insane amount, almost too much. The fact that she had the balls to call me and tell me right away gave me the feeleing that she truly meant it as a mistake and just wanted to be completely honest with me. She was coming to visit me in a couple weeks and I told her we will see how we are together when you visit. Things went well, it was the best week of my summer, and we seemed to get a long as great as before we left each other. Sense then, we have never gone a night without talking to each other before bed, we have probably never gone more than 4 hours without speaking, I visited her in July for 10 days. We had a great time but I just continued to question her and her loyalty to me while I had beeen gone. While I almost think there is no way she has done anything besides that once, I still continue to have this sense of insecurity and I am almost scared to go back to school and hear of something else that might have happened. That right now is my biggest fear, thinking we made it through this summer and we have as long as we last in front of us now, but then a month into hearing that she cheated on me again or something along those lines.I have never had feelings for a girl like this before, I've had plenty of little mean nothing relationships but I just never seemed to be able to get attached to someone and with this girl it is completely different. I am going to see her in a week and a half from now and we don't have to worry about being away from eachother again, but while it is the happeist feeling in the world for me I am also extremely scared and insecure to find out something I don't want to.I guess I am just worried because she cheated on her ex boyfriend and she sort of did it to me. I don't know.. this is really long and hopefully a few people will read it and give me some good advice on everyything.Thanks so much.
View related questions:
broke up, cheated on me, drunk, fell in love, her ex, insecure, long distance, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would say we have a very healthy relationship as of now.. The long distance part is frustrating for both of us, but at the same time we both for the most part want to talk a lot. I like to know what she is up to as she does with me, its not always me wanting to talk to her or her wanting to talk to me it is pretty balanced. When we are together (not across the country) we both are very busy and do our own thing but find time for each other each day also.
We have a very, strong, relationship, and being away from eachother for the last 3 months has only made us stronger, we have gone through our ups and downs but I think once we are back together for good things are going to go really well. While I have high hopes for us and complete faith I still worry about hearing something I won't want to but I guess I just need to live and if something does come up deal with it then instead of worrying about it now.
Some one once told me if you don't have a reason or want to cheat on her then she probably doesn't want to or have a reason to cheat on you, and that made me feel a lot better about everything.
Oh and about the drinking thing, I guess the way I wrote it sounded bad but we aren't some crazy alcoholics or anything we are both just college students that go out and have a good time every once in a while.. We are both young, and like to have fun, and while i don't think I should drink enough to the point I pass out, I think we have all been there at least once.
Thanks for your replies and advice though.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (7 August 2008):
 This is still a new relationship, and you have a lot to learn about each other still. Give it time and relax a bit, if you can manage. I don't like the sound of drinking too much on either of your parts, you passing out and her getting so drunk that she kissed someone else. The thing about alcohol is that it removes the filters that normally keep us from making bad decisions. So things that happen while drunk, choices made while drunk, are often very bad ones. Like driving under the influence, that is a classic example.
So try to lay off the alcohol, you don't need to drink till you pass out to have a good time, okay? Lecture over on that score.
All you can do with her is give the relationship time to develop and talk about things that concern you when they come up. Don't cling too tightly to her, that may be suffocating and push her away actually. Try for balance in the relationship and don't ignore your friends for her.
I don't know if this will help, but that's my advice for now. You're aware of her past behavior so you can keep an eye out for that, it's good she's being honest with you. Good sign.
...............................
A
female
reader, pepper27  +, writes (6 August 2008):
 Hi Hunny
You really like this girl this is why all your insecurity is coming out and the fact that you know she cheated with her last guy doesnt help much love she wasnt interested in the last guy but she is interested in you, Yes she was honest with you about the kiss straight away and she got out of there quick smart which was the best thing to do...If she knows she is vunerable to other mens advances when a little drunk then she needs to pace herself really as you passing out and then her kissing someone else isnt really a great start to a relationship so if you are out together maybe both of you need to stay a little bit more sober to look after one another. Other than all that its early days and hopefully your relationship will settle as you both seem very happy and close, When you really care for someone there is bound to be a little insecurity there after all the info you have had, You just need to no what you really want and no when to say no this isnt right love..When you get back dont worry to much see how things go you have been told the truth so you no were you stand she hasnt lied to you..I can fully understand your concerns hunny just see how things go your both still quite young if you are really worried and concerned the best thing to do is talk with her about everything, You talk alot anyway and hopefully things will work out right, it sounds as if this is the first serious relationship you are both going into it can all be a little over powering at times sweetheart..I do hope things work out for you love TAKE CARE WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
...............................
|
