A
female
age
36-40,
*ubbletea
writes:hello everyone im in a ldr situation for 3 years now with my bf who lives in europe an im from singapore, we love each other we talk everynight, but lately this one depresses me and I' worried. i think im bored of the relationship we have right now its not that i dont see him, everytime i ask him and im confident telling himewhat i want he seem aloof answering it, its like he doesnt want it, one time i ask him that when im right age i wanna have kids and family with you and he always said hes not ready yet and he slow to come to think of it, and it keeps me upset hearing to him, until when are you going to get ready when your 40 or 50 , hes 37 now, and 10 years older than me. i know im selfish thinking just myself if my assurance, but i want a relationship i know where it goes, not to gp nowhere i dont wanna waste time to call and talk to him everynight if i knew there no future for us! i just need him to encouragement to make me feel important and to level up the relationship, why is it so hard to him to tell me what he wants and stand be a man to think of our future together. im scared to tell him how i feel about this, because he might think im rushing him to jump up to the next phase of our relationship im worried that he may leave me, i need to do something to let him think about that stepping up, relationship need goals plans and assurance commitment, and i dont know how will i tell him that? can you please give some advice to start telling him all my feelings? without pressuring him. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, bubbletea +, writes (7 December 2012):
bubbletea is verified as being by the original poster of the question im 22 and his 37, i will miss him, like everyday talk skype, hes the only man in my life that changed me and inspire me to goal my dreams and i am now here i want him to be with him, the thing is hes too slow to think of it, and im not sure if he knows what he wants, or im being just for holiday girlfriend and everytime im with him after he visit's me im wanting the relationship to step up, because my feelings for him grews more and i cant stop it. so everytime we had conversation, i always get embarassed by it because he always tells me that hes not sure and hes slow to think that, and when hes ready until hes 40, i just need to know where this relationship heading too what? are we just gonna be like this? like will meet like every visit only. i need assurance in the relationship
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (7 December 2012):
 Three years of LDR and he's 37 and you are 27?
you are already wasting your time.
If you are scared to tell him how you feel that's not a good thing. If you want to marry this man and settle down and have babies how are you going to do that if you are afraid to even talk to him about it?
who's going to move you or him?
LDRs are fine if:
1. the people are mature enough to handle it
2. you know each other in real life (either having met IRL and then be forced into an LDR or having met online you meet IRL EARLY on in the process)
3. have regularly scheduled meetings in real life. that means weekly, monthly, or at the most quarterly. You have been together three years. How often do you see each other and for how long? Have you met his family? His friends? his co-workers?
4. have a definite plan to close the distance in a reasonable period of time... baring school commitments that should be within two years of starting an LDR in my opinion. You guys are already beyond that stage.
5. honesty trust and communication are all important and I'm not sensing you have any of those things with this man.
you are not being selfish you are 27 and being realistic.
He knows what he wants which is what he has right now... an easy way to get out of being an adult. An LDR is a nice way to hide from reality for some... "I can't date you I have a girlfriend" (even if she's 3,500 miles away and I never see her)....
After THREE YEARS it's NOT rushing him to talk about the next step and when you do he's blowing you off... that's your answer.
"I'm worried that he may leave me"
what would happen if he left you?
would you miss his physical presence?
would you miss your good night kiss?
would you miss your sex life?
would you miss him bringing his paycheck to you and saying "honey let's buy a new car together"
WHAT exactly would you miss from this relationship?
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