A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Back in University, I had 2 very close girlfriends and we used to do everything together. Now its 10 years on; I moved away to another country and left the other 2 behind. We have remained in contact but more-so the other 2 because they live closer together and see each other more often. Recently I went to visit them - one has children, the other is doing ok and I have been successful in my career. During my visit, I informed them that I would be attending a wedding of another friend of mine in another country... and one of the friends mentioned above (the one with no children) asked if she could come along as she needed a holiday. I was excited and started planning the trip and returned back to my home country. Then friend no 2 with the children, started sending me nasty msgs about how I never committed to attending her wedding (which is over 1yr 6 mnths away), and how I never turned up to a holiday we planned more than 3 years ago and how she was just holding it inside since then but really angry with me. She called me annoying and said that I was unreliable. Basically really petty things! Which amazed me as I thought we always had a good relationship. We could not invite her as she has very young children and still on maternity leave. So now aunts/uncles, should I tell her to drop dead and forget going to her wedding? Should I try to patch things up? This complicated friend took her story to the girl I am going on holiday with and she told me that "her argument is correct coz our other friend agreed with her." I have not commented to the girl I am going on holiday with even though we have spoken several times. I didn't mention anything coz I felt that she had already agreed with the other girl without even asking me my opinion! What would you do? Would you talk it over with the girl you are travelling with? Or leave them to bask in the shadow of their views being correct and just rise above it? I feel like I have been demonized... as she pulled up many petty things from way back in the day!!! Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, DV1  +, writes (7 July 2013):
 Sounds like they were never really friends in the first place...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2013): The friend going on holiday with you, would just have agreed and supported the friend who is not going, as a way to ease the upset. I wouldn't put a lot of weight into that.
The friend with kids, is probably just feeling jealous and can't quite understand what she is feeling. You are now going away on a holiday without her, and with probably her closest friend. She has probably misplaced what she feels angry about. I would suggest, you do have a bit of empathy for her, in that, she doesn't have the choice/option to go away with you and the other friend, due to her commitments with her children. Yes, she should grow up and be happy for you both, but she may be feeling other resentments in her life. I would suggest you continue your holiday, and if it comes up on conversation, you could just mention what the other friend told you. But, don't put too much weight on it. I have friends tell me a lot of things I disagree with, but to be their friend, I support them (unless really inappropriate to), because that is what friends do. I acknowledge and show understanding of what they are feeling...and allow them to feel it...because that is what friends do.
With regards to the friends comments about you being unreliable.... think about it.. are you? Have you been reluctant to commit? Put the insult aside for a moment and think if there is some truth to what she has said. If there is, then I think you should tell her that you have given a lot of thought to what she has said, and that she is absolutely right, then start to put things right. Commit to going to her wedding, and don't let her down. IF what she has said is unfounded, then either say nothing till she has calmed down and realized her errors, or arrange to meet with her. Tell her you have given a lot of thought to what she has said, and that you are struggling to see her point of view...and tell her your point of view.
Don't throw away years and years of a friendship over petty things.
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