A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm in the post pardum stage but not sure if my feelings have to do with any of the decisions I've made. My kids dad and I have been in and out of relationship. We are cool and one point and here we go... big blown argument. Past issues come up, etc. What hurts, I asked him if he loves me, his response was timely and hurtful...I don't love you and I don't hate you. How am I suppose to take that but another heartbreak of words from him? We had dinner the night before with our kids (he have two kids from his first marriage and two from me in which I gave birth to my second child, his fourth child, on Feb 26, 2009,). It went great. We didn't stay long (2 hours). I had plans which involve waking up really early. He talked to me if as if were working things out...etc. Then he told me his answer of not loving me. I still love him despite the things he have done to and upon me. I've done things as well in reactions of his doing with knowledge of knowing I shouldn't but it is hard not to retaliate. He is my kids dad. I want to work things out with him and he knows that however, I'm just at a point in mý life where I can't do this anymore. My kids deserves a better dad who is there to support and confide in them who is not part time. My kids have feelings, needs....where is he when they need him? I just need some words of advice on how to cope with this better. Thank you for taking the time to read my short article. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJason means healer: He mentioned to me he would love to hate me but he loves me too much. He's telling me how he feels. Maybe it was just at that point in time, I don't know. I've put so much time and effort into what was called a relationship but he's been leading me on all this time. I hav e been so naïve and now, I have a absent father figure who is questioning his fatherhood to our month old son. How dare he ask me a question like that? My heart even dropped even more. I asked GOD for mý negative thoughts to be freed from my thoughts. I've been nothing but a good girlfriend, good mother to his first two kids from his first marriage, head of household while he have been looking for employment....and this is how he treats me? How dare he do that? Cheats on me? Taking a breather...Anonymous reader: couples therapy? I mentioned that to him early and then he laughed and asked why? So they can tell me what my problem is? Lol. Yeah right. That's his response. Then a few months went by, he asked we should go to counseling. Ok...what happened to laughing at the question? My response to that was a dead stare cause I pretty much gave up on us and had gone my own way with my daughter at the time and now, with my kids.
A
male
reader, Jason means Healer  +, writes (23 March 2009):
Firstly, as you yourself suspect; you can't make life altering decisions until your mind, body and soul has had a chance to recover from your recent birth.If I may be frank though, having a baby by somebody you can't even tell you love is using you like an incubator.Perhaps this man has robbed you of your sense of self-worth and that is a shame because you've invested so much in him.My advice? as callous as he is in his denial of love for you (let alone not "being" in love, whew!) so should you be in both giving yourself time to see things as they truly are and then, if you cross that bridge; don't even give him a hint that you are planning to make a break either for the exit or into another's arms.Truly, he doesn't deserve any better.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2009): It's really hard to give you any solid advice as I'm sure the situation is much more complex than can be explained in a few paragraphs, but one thing that I notice as hopeful is that you say he is talking as if he wants to work it out. So that's good. And while you may see his saying "I don't love you and I don't hate you" as hurtful, which of course it is, at least it's honest. And if he's willing to be honest and willing to try, then that's a good place to be to try and work through things. If you've been fighting a lot "I don't love you" could mean how he's feeling right now. Have you considered couples therapy? Would he be willing? if not then at least go the local bookstore there are a lot of relationship books out there which might give you some good techniques to use to try and work through your issues together. Good luck.
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