A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Why am I so jealous? Is it my Scorpio sign?...Is it because I've had my share of seemingly nice guys whoe tried to juggle another woman behind my back (so I'm suspicious of all men). Sometimes I think my jealousy is justified (i.e. one of my husband's single, female co-workers sends him a text at Christmas and signs it; "love, Sylvia and Nicki" (her daughter) when they are suppose to only be casual co-workers and nothing more. I didn't even know she had a daughter but obviously my husband was on a first name basis with her 2 yr old daughter).Then sometimes I feel like my jealousy invents scenarios that do not exist. (He is working late, his phone is off. I am wondering if he went out and had drinks with Sylvia. I drive by his office, his car is the only one in the parking lot. His phone battery died and he didn't have his charger at work). Luckily I don't tell him when I'm feeling paranoid like this. But I wonder what is wrong with me? Is it because he forgets my birthday (of coruse he'll say it's my fault I never write it on the calendar or call to remind him) and he doesn't buy me a Valentine's Day card (according to him, the holiday is a marketing ploy) not to mention the fact that he rarely compliments me or tells me I rock his world, but is quick to point it out when I do something wrong and frequently talks down to me when I can't read his mind. Has a toxic temper when I "question" him at all (How was you day?....) What is the driving force behind the one thing I hate most about myself? Is it because I don't feel validated or valued so naturally certain women pose more of a threat? Is it his friendly nature that makes me feel mistrusting? The way he always seems to go above and beyond for other women but treats me like shit if I ask him to air up my tires. Seems openly interested in what others have to say in casual conversation, but when I try to talk about something from my childhood or a special memory I have of my deceased Mother, he cuts me off and tells me to "get to the point, I don't have all day.".....Hmm,I wonder what could be causing me to feel jealous and causing more rifts in our already bumpy relationship. What can I do?....
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2012): I honestly don't think your jealousy or suspicions are completely unjustified based on what you described.
I myself have a bit of a jealousy problem because of my past that I'm still working very hard on. (example, if my girlfriend doesn't call I find I automatically sometimes assume it means she's talking to another guy, or that she's blowing me off - then I later find out she fell asleep from being exhausted.) So I understand exactly what you mean about inventing situations in your head. However in your case I think your current partner is certainly a huge part of the problem with your feelings.
You say he has a "friendly" nature, yet he shows you a "toxic temper" and never compliments or praises you. He seems quite insensitive to your feelings - being told to hurry up when you're recounting a special memory is pretty mean.
You *really* have to sit down and talk with him, face to face, and express your concerns. Tell him straight up that you are not trying to argue, and that you'd appreciate it if he'd listen and try to understand - and then give him a chance to respond as well. Tell him how you feel about the fact that he doesn't ever compliment you, or seems more interested in other women. I can't promise you it'll be a smooth conversation but I really think it's where you need to start.
I'd tell anyone who's having a heart-to-heart with their partner in a rocky relationship to always remember to be willing to concede a bit - but not too much - and to make sure your partner knows you're wanting and willing to work this out.
If he absolutely refuses to talk to you directly, you may have to suggest some kind of counseling. If he even refuses this, you'll have to spend some time thinking about where you want to go from here. Nobody deserves to be treated like garbage in a relationship.
As for your jealousy, only you can directly deal with it - but I don't think the current state of your relationship is helping at all. Do spend some time reflecting on where your issues originally came from, and try to resolve to not let your PAST relationships affect your CURRENT judgement. What I've been doing is to simply tell myself "that's what my ex did, doesn't mean my girl is doing it too." I know that might be hard right now, but at least do your best to try.
Best of luck!
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