A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How do I know if this guy likes me enough to date me or just wants to hook up? Ok, so I know this guy has had one girlfriend and she dumped him and he was hurt. This was about two years ago. Since then he's only hooked up with girls as one night things and basically says stuff like all girls are sluts. I run into him like a year ago and being a little intoxicated, I tell him I think he's hot. He gets all stuttery saying I can't believe you said that etc. Don't see him again for like a year, he talks about going to some club and I'm like I'm gonna be there too and ask him for his phone number. He' says this probably isn't a good idea...but I don't care. (This is because he's best friends with my ex that I broke up with like three years ago) Anyways, we start texting and eventually he takes me out for a drink. We start hanging out and end up hooking up. Now he is saying things that make me think he might want more like acting jealous when I'm going to hang out with my friends that are guys but then trying to cover up saying "but I don't care, you can do what you want, but I hope you don't". He texts me all the time and told me he wants me and though he knows I think he's a player, he can be trustworthy. Still, I don't know if its just talk to make me keep seeing him or he really wants to have a relationship. I've given tiny hints that I could want more but I don't want to come off like an idiot if he might not want it. How should I proceed?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2012): The fact that he doesn't like the idea of you with anyone else does not signal that he wants a relationship with you. At most it signals that he might want to sleep with you again. But him wanting an ongoing FWB is not the same thing as wanting to commit to you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2012): If he says he's not a player and can be trustworthy, then almost certainly he's a player and can't be trusted.
A guy who can be trusted don't SAY he can be trusted, he earns a woman's trust over time by treating her respectfully and conducting himself honorably.
If you've already been to bed with him, then he doesn't want a relationship as he didn't have to offer one to entice you into having sex. You took the possibility of a relationship off the table when you hooked up with him; he's already getting what he wants from you, no benefit for him to up the ante after the fact, and your continuing to see him (and sleep with him) is not going to make him want to take things any further, once you give it up so easily to a guy you have nothing more to offer him. You can't mark yourself up after the sale is made.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (7 July 2012):
I'm not really sure how anyone would proceed from here. Basically, you know he is a player and you are acting like..well..a woman who gets out a lot. Generally, I would just recommend being blunt and give him a day to think about being together. My best advice would be to go with what your gut tells you to do , because it has been working so far already.
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