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male
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anonymous
writes: I recently got into an internet relationship with someone overseas who I already knew.It was incredible how quickly we hit it off.Week by week out connection grew and so did my love for this girl.I found great comfort in her and she was always there to support me emotionally.Over the last couple of weeks I noticed she was becoming distant.Only recently did I find out that she is has started seeing someone.Although my intelligent rational mind tells me- its just an overseas friendship,I suddenly feel so alone without her.I was always in touch with her and now I feel this terrible hole where the comfort once was.I dont want to show her that I am wounded and I also dont want to pester her.What shall I do?I thought she was there for life. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2006): Keep remaining logical and using your rationality, dear. You made the error of perhaps, putting way too much of your heartfelt feelings (emotions), expectations and needs on her shoulders, without fully realizing that she has a 'real' life to live. You are her 'friend' and friendship is not about what we 'get' but rather what we 'give'. We know for now, she is distracted from chatting to you, with her new relationship. Be happy for and think of her feelings, not what you got from her! But it doesn't mean she has forgotten about you. I would suggest you not pester her and not expect a lot. Send her a friendly, nice e-mail once a week, asking her how she's doing and wishing her the best. This is what 'friends' do. They express caring for the other person. It's a relationship built on mutual respect and consideration. Always, keep that in mind. Once her relationships settles down and is rolling along nicely, she'll be back in contact. You just have to wait this out. And don't be SO wounded-if you are a true friend to this person, you will be happy for her. Now get out there in your own town and meet new people and just have fun. Take care and keep happy
A
female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (19 March 2006):
 Sadly you have just faced the reality that no one is there for life and that is especially true of an internet relationship and even more true of one that is in another country.
You are a friend to her but only that, you have shared moments together but only via the web, you are close but not intimate, you have a special friendship but it is one that only startred throug the internet and due to this you cannot get close to her, you cannot be intimate with her or hold her and comfort her when she is sad.
Sadly she wants a friendship with you via the net and an intimate one with the bloke she is seeing, which means that your friendship will inevitably take second place and so contact will not be as frequent.
You will get over this given time and must keep up the contact via e-mail, she has and will continue to be a good friend to you and you to her.
You need to think of ways to meet other people yourself so that you have other friends and maybe go into one of the internet chat rooms so you can fill your time chatting to others, this will also give you some distraction.
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