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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi everybody,I have a wierd situation in my hands...I met a guy online...He drove down 2 hours to meet me. I didn't like him so much then. However, I left the US and went back home and then we hooked by via messenger...He was extremely possessive, insisting that I cancel my account on a dating site (thru which I met him). He talked all the time about having issues about trust. How he wanted to marry once and forever, and needed to TRUST the woman would not cheat on him. He would say stuff like, "We'll get married when you come back to the US", he insisted I come back in 2 months time...He wanted me to quit smoking and would often talk of the future -- like how he would make me work towards our savings, while he provided home and food. He said if I seemed to fulfil all his requirements, and that if I really turned out as he thought I would, then we would get married. He had a broken engagement in his past, where the woman had told her parents they had to marry because she was pregnant. That was not true (about the pregnancy). However, he would keep telling me I would get pregnant when I met him...etc tec. Anyway, he made me come back to the US and I was to go visit him 3 days later. You won't believe this, but once I came here, he didn't call at all. No, he did call on the second day I was here, but the line got cut, and he didn't call back....I can make NO sense of what happened...I mean, who would make a girl travel half the world to see him and then not call? Why would he expend so much energy planning a possible future (boring nitty gritties) and then just disappear? Maybe hes in jail? Maybe, he's sick? Maybe he's a pshyco? For the life of me I cannot make out....Please tell me what you think...(He would keep asking me if I was falling in love with him, and how imp it was for him to know that, because I had to love him more than anything..) Wierd...
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female
reader, j'sgurl +, writes (31 August 2006):
Sweetie "put on your nikes and run!" He sounds like he has some serious control issues and you obviously felt there could have been a future for you both if you returned to the US. Please count your blessings that he didnt contact you. However dont worry about what may have happened to him, or try and continue contact with him. At the end of the day this man sounds poisonous. Move on and avoid him. Above all keep yourself safe
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2006): I agree with the others! Thank your lucky stars he did not contact you! He does sound very, very weird, if not dangerous and possibly psychotic!Extremely possessive; insisted you cancel your account with the dating site as soon as you met him; talking about his trust issues; you work to save up for marriage while he provided food and home; telling you you would get pregnant. Insisting you return in a couple of months to the U.S. It is possible he had an interest in trying to get you into prostitution. Maybe not, but you might have found yourself trapped in a dangerous situation.Please, be more discriminating about the next man who shows an interest in you! e
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2006): Listen to what all the other aunts on this page are saying. I agree with them all, dear. When a man is this controlling, and this desperately needy for attachment he is filled up with fear which makes him insecure and a very, very dangerous choice, for your future. He admitted he was unable to trust..he kept asking if you loved him...he was pushing this relationship toward marriage and pregnancy...all inappropriate things to bring into such a new relationship. Huge red neon flags. By controlling you, his fears were kept at bay. Unfortunately, his behaviors would've harmed this relationship and you, immensely. So all I can say is...be grateful he ignored you, dear. If you had continued with this man, you would've walked into a volatile, abusive nightmare, dear. The problem is that he is so used to coping with his inner fears by control that he may not know of other ways to behave. He sounds like a man in a lot of pain and you would have been victimized. In the future, be careful, who you choose. There are a lot of women who like a controlling man because they themselves are afraid of life. Instead of becoming strong and empowering their own lives, they tend to see a false sense of security in a man like this, because he embodies masculine power, in their eyes. When women choose controlling, abusive men as life mates..they are choosing a insecure, damaged man. There are woman out there like this, as well. And so many people who get involved in their lives, 'hoping to be the one to to fix them' and 'hoping they can stop these behaviours'. Hope gets you nothing. Sadly, too often in relationships with controllers, hope is just a postponed disappointment.
So do not worry 'why' he did what he did. Just be lucky you 'got away', dear. Get out there and make the best life for yourself that you can. Start dating and look for relationships in your life, where it grows and develops slowly over time. Nuturance grows love and that involves a lot more than blind passion. It takes maturity and committment. Good luck dear and keep being strong.
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A
female
reader, pica +, writes (30 August 2006):
Who would do these things? Anzwer - a control freak. I think you've had a lucky escape to be honest. I'm a bit concerned though about you saying he "insisted", "made you" go to the US etc, especially after you had had met and not liked him. There's no need to continue contact with someone you don't like. Make an excuse and get out - put your own feelings first.
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A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (30 August 2006):
 Honestly this guy sounds really weird - there are so many negative vibes I'm getting about him from your story. I would cut off all contact with him and hope he never calls you again. There are too many warning signs and it also makes me think that he would be dangerous around you. I strongly suggest you leave this one alone and be happy that he didn't contact you when you got to the US. (And whatever he told you about himself, I would throw that out the window because they may be lies - there are so many crazy people out there who knows what this guy really wanted).
(PS - I'm speaking from experience of having a stalker and needing to get the police involved. These two stories sound extremely similar which makes me very scared for you. PM me if you'd like to talk about what happened more because my experience may be helpful for you.)
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