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female
,
*ightingtheundertow
writes: My boyfriend has been invited to a bachelor party this weekend. He said that everyone swore up and down to him that there wouldn't be any females there. His sister just said today that there will be strippers. I can not handle even just the thought of my boyfriend looking at naked, attractive women anywhere other than in magazines. I asked him if he would just go for a couple hours and leave before or when the strippers get there and he won't give me an answer. What should I do?! I'll lose my mind if this happens. Please help!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Maria Dee  +, writes (17 May 2008):
 Honestly, it's not that bad. I work as a stripper and to us, it's just a job. The real hard part for strippers is trying to have a relationship.
Anyhow, if you want to read more about what it's like on the other side of the fence, check out
http://www.shouldistrip.com
Maria
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2006): Listen....not wanting your partner leering over other naked women IS PERFECTLY undestandable and has NOTHING to do with insecurity.....Secure women say 'NO this behaviour is not acceptable... dont let people tell you its ok when its not...you know that in your heart. Also remember that ranting and raving will do little.. you need to calmly make the decsion as to whether this is acceptable to you and if you decide no...then calmly tell him that you find this behaviour unacceptable and a man who enjoys this type of thing is not for you....Do not give him an ultimatum just let him know it is not part of the type of relationship you want...Let him make his own decsion...if he decides to go , honestly honey, let him go.. he's not worth it...he will have demonstrated his complete contempt for all women and a total disresect for you...Best wishes
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A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (31 August 2006):
 This problem is not about him, it's all about you honey. If you can't bear the thought that he can't always be under your thumb then you should dump him so that he can find someone who has more faith in him than you do.
All I see here is a control issue, and the issue is all in your head.
By the way I think this is your second kick at the can on this question. We cannot fix your inability to handle a serious relationship in a trusting and mature manner. So just what kind of validation are you seeking? That a normal relationship is all about who can control whom?
Lasting relationships are built on trust, not control. Get over it or get a new boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2006): But the thing is I have no desire to see another man get naked. I love my boyfriend and I want only him. The idea that he wants to see another woman naked makes me feel horrible about myself, that I'm not enough for him, that I'm not attractive to him...
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (31 August 2006):
 You need to let him go.
You need to get over it.
You need to trust him.
If you insist he doesn't go, you will be showing that you don't trust him.
If he feels that you don't trust him, he will trust you less.
If he trusts you less your relationship will get worse.
If your relationship gets worse then he is more likely to be unfaithful.
So as you can see, if you stop him going, he is in the end more likely to be unfaithful to you. But if you let him go, you make the relationship stronger and he is more likely to be faithful to you.
Your desire (that he doesn't go) is really in complete the wrong direction!
People are strange.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2006): Do you trust him?
If so, why be so upset?
Look, no girl loves the idea of her man checking out other women but it happens.
As long as all it is is a bit of looking and he comes home to you - is it the worst thing in the world?
If you are worried that he will do something, then you have to seriously ask yourself how much you trust him.
I know its tough and its not how I would like my man to spend his night but once in a while at a bucks party - there is no real harm. If he was going to the strippers every weekend, well, then yes there is somethng to be concerned about but I wouldn't worry to much.
Let him know that it does make you uncomfortable but you are not going to stop him from going - he will only resent it.
Believe me, he will go anyway and you will only get yourself worked up and then in the future he won't tell you the whole truth in fear you are going to go nuts.
And also, turn the tables, how would you feel if you went to a hens night and he heard there were going to be male strippers and forced you to come home earlier or not go - wouldn't you feel completely untrusted and angry that he is ordering you what to do? I would.
Trust your man and lets face it, if he does something wrong, wouldn't you rather know now that he is untrustworthy than later down the line.
Most men think strippers are sluts anyway and enjoy looking and thinking about sex but would rather come home to the woman they love and make love with her.
Seriously.
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