A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Have posted about this before and still need advice. Relationship ended after 6 months because he is afraid of commitment, terribly hurt by his previous long term relationship (which unfortunately for me ended quite recently), and wants to be alone. Break up process took us about a month cause of all the confusion. I agreed to meet him two days ago so as not to have ended things on a bad note and to give him back his stuff. We calmly talked about things and then started talking about other stuff. Until he mentioned a weekend we had been away and recalled the amazing sex we had had. I agreed but that comment had made me uncomfortable so after a while I suggested leaving. Thing is, I don't want to be with someone who is unsure of our relationship and he is too confused and has decided to be alone. I have been hurt by all this, but still have feelings for him. The problem is that I really believe we make a good match. I always meet men who I don't click with, and with him the connection I need is there. But we are broken up cause he's got issues. I think he still wants me, though.How can I make him realise we should be together? Is it best to cut him off, hoping he will miss me, or be around so that he actually sees what he is missing? I don't want to sleep with him if we are not together. But I am not ready to give up on him. Please help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2007): Thank you for your answers.
I don't think he wants me for sex. For about a month of our relationship we were having no sex cause he felt depressed. That was long before we broke up.
My problem with men is that I need them to be educated, intelligent, have similar interests to mine, and I need to enjoy discussions with them. That usually happens with men I am not attracted to. He has both. And that is what's killing me inside.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2007): It sounds like he is more interested in the sex more than anything else. I mean when a guy hasn't seen you in that long and isn't even sure he wants to be with you and yet mentions sex?? That is a big sign that sex is mostly what he is after with you. I understand that you like him but you shouldn't waste your time liking someone who doesn't love you. You have just got to make yourself realise that this guy does not love you. If he did he would be with you, no matter what. But he is not. And if he doesn't love you now, chances are he is not going to love you tomorrow. That is how guys are. He has already met you, he knows you, he knows what you are about. If he is not yet smitten, he is probably never going to be. Why then you seem to think he is so perfect is kind of a mystery. He really isn't. A perfect guy would love you back. He doesn't. I am sure you are a great person. So don't settle for this. Just move on and show him that you can do better. And you say that you don't click with any guys that you meet?? I guarantee you that if you give it time, you will meet someone who not only you click with but you will do so way more and way deeper than you think you do with this guy. And you will look back and realise everything that I have just told you. Just hang in there. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, michellebeth +, writes (2 October 2007):
to start with not sleeping with him is the right thing to do and he needs to pull himself out of the past , so i think u should show him what hes missing , play hard to get for instance why not try dateing somone else for five , to show him u wont always be there hopfully it will be the kick up the ass he needs but if it takes longer than a few months i think u should try and find some one that deserves your love
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